A second chance
by Elephant Travels
Summary: Finley's life is not exactly a bed of roses and so she spends her days and nights escaping into the world of fan fiction looking for a better life, a second chance having no idea that she was about to get it. Like everything else in her life however it doesn't exactly go to plan and let's just say this is hardly the way she had imagined her second chance happening.
1. Chapter 1

You know that feeling when you're sitting at home feeling depressed about how lonely you are, how unfair your life is? Of course you do. Anyone who has ever been a teenager has had that feeling at some point in life. Well the other guarantee is that we find a way to escape. I did just that, I escaped into fan fiction. Sounds ridiculous I know, how can stories about made up characters and worlds and situations possibly take away the pain of real life but they did. It worked for me. Every time life got too much. Every time my dad beat me or my mum screamed at me and told me that she wished I was dead, every time a boyfriend cheated on me I escaped to a new world, one where I was loved and protected and cared for.

I became obsessed with the idea of entering one of these worlds and read over and over the stories about girls falling into Middle Earth and dreamed of being one of them and that is kind of where my story starts, on a cold Monday morning when I learnt two very important things; number one – Falling into Middle Earth hurts… a lot, and number two – the stories lied!

But let me start from the beginning, my name is Finley and I am twenty-six years old. I live in London with my mum and her forth husband after my boyfriend cheated on me then kicked me out giving me a black eye in the process, needless to say, my life is pretty shit. On an average Monday morning I begin my journey to work in the rain, leaving the flat and heading across the estate. The wind is bitingly cold and I pull my hoodie more tightly around me and over my head not really concentrating on anything around me and I hear brakes. It's strange actually, I feel the impact of the car hitting me and squeeze my eyes shut as I feel myself fly through the air waiting for the ground to come and meet me and it does.

When I come to the first thing I am aware of is pain, an all in compassing, consuming pain that seems to pulse through every part of me. The second thing I am aware of is that I am not where I was before I was hit and I was definitely not where I was supposed to be. The ground beneath me was soft and mossy and I couldn't hear anything, no cars, no sirens no shouts. Struggling to open my eyes I gaze upwards at the canopy of twisted branches above me, blinking rapidly and unable to contain the startled whimper that escapes me as I do so. Where am I? For a long time I cannot move, or breathe, or comprehend what was happening to me, the pain coursing through my body convinced me I wasn't in a coma and I am pretty sure I am hallucinating but in that case where the fuck was I?

After several more minutes it becomes obvious that no one was coming to rescue me and so I very slowly pull myself to my feet and try to take in my surroundings. I was in a forest, one unlike any I had ever seen, not that I had seen too many living in the centre of London but you get the idea. These trees were different, they were tall, ancient and looked strange, more gnarly and different in colour. Sighing I begin to walk knowing that I needed to find somewhere or someone to help me soon, I was injured, pretty badly and incredibly lost, possibly with a serious head injury.

It is two days before I see any sign of life and when I do I almost pass out from shock. Either I was way sicker than I had thought or I had just got my wish and fallen straight into some sort of parallel universe. The village ahead of me was small and the people dressed in medieval clothing were moving about happily, I watch for a long time from my hiding place behind the trees at the edge of the forest. It is only when I shift to try and ease the incredible pain in my side, I had at least two cracked ribs I think, that I spot the sign. Bree… no way it couldn't be! I was in… Oh God I was in Middle Earth! I sit back heavily against the trees and try to take it all in. One thing is for certain if I ever went home I would be sure to tell the world the truth, there were definitely no beautiful, protective men or elves waiting to save me and care for me, I don't know why I had expected any differently I think bitterly to myself, my entire life had been one mess after another why should this be any different? I decide to wait until night fall before I head to the town and so try to rest closing my eyes, exhaustion doing the rest for me.

I wake to the cold sharp edge of a sword pressed to my throat.


	2. Chapter 2

"Who are you?" the voice is rough with what sounds like a lack of sleep and yet there is an undeniable authority to it that makes me shake slightly with fear.

"My name is Finley," I stutter gulping as the tip of the sword digs into my flesh.

"Why are you dressed so strangely?" he growls now and I glance at my clothes realising that I must look strange in jeans and a hoodie, torn and ripped and covered in blood as they are. Although thinking about it the blood may be the only thing he doesn't find suspicious. I glance up at the face behind the sword at this point and freeze in shock.

"Aragorn…" I whisper in wonder, regretting that instantly as he grabs me and pulls me up roughly pushing me back against the tree and pressing the sword even more firmly into my neck ripping a cry of pain from my throat followed shortly by a whimper of pain.

"Who are you?" he growls again and this time there is no denying the power and threat in that question.

"I told you I am Finley," I reply more steadily. I am terrified of course but when you have spent your life being threatened and knocked about you get quite good at putting a mask of indifference on despite the fear and pain you feel. That's quite an important part of it really because if you let them know you are hurting they hurt you more, that's what I've learnt over the years anyway.

"How do you know my name?"

"I… I… you wouldn't believe me if I told you," I finish helplessly,

"Try me," the sword hasn't lessened in pressure against my neck and the adrenaline that is pulsing through me is making me feel nauseous

"I'm not from here, where I am from you, this, Middle Earth and the fellowship everything, it's a story, a story I know really well," I say breathing more heavily as I realise that my life literally depended on him believing me.

"How did you get here?"

"I… I don't know, I was walking to work and I got hit by a car, when I woke up I was here," I stutter and he looks confused, furrowing his brow as he tries to understand what I have said.

"What is a car?" he asks eventually and I almost laugh, I may have done if I wasn't so sure I was about to die.

"A sort of vehicle, a cart but one that is not pulled by horses instead it is powered by… by something that does not exist here and it is capable of going at great speeds," I mutter cringing at how ridiculous this must sound to him.

"This is how you became injured?" he questions now and I nod.

"Please… I don't mean you any harm… I… I think I may be able to help you," I say thinking that maybe this is the chance I need, he'll say that he is grateful for my help, they'll all try to protect me and forever be in my debt. I am not prepared for him to begin laughing, so much so that he drops his sword from my neck and places his hands on his knees in mirth.

"I am sorry," he says eventually, standing up and wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, "I did not expect one so young to have such a sense of humour,"

"I wasn't joking," I say immediately feeling hurt and angry at the same time.

"Then you must be mad," he says holstering his sword and moving to pick up the things he had dropped when he had jumped me. "A woman would be naught but a burden to me, now I must be on my way I am late for a… meeting, I suggest you get your wounds seen to before they fester," he moves to walk away and I limp after him quickly.

"Please, Ara… Strider," I correct myself as I begin to say his name and he shoots me a murderous glare, "if you are going to Bree then it is to meet Gandalf, take me to him and maybe he can explain this all to both of us," I plead and he is an inch away from me again in seconds.

"How do you know Gandalf?" his voice is menacing and despite the fear that pulses through me instantly it quickly gives way to frustration.

"Not this again, I just told you… look please, I won't be a burden you need not protect me in any way," I say and he observes me for a long time.

"You and I will both be chased from any settlements if you are seen dressed so," he mutters and I let a tiny smile grace my lips as my heart lightens, knowing that he is at least considering it. "Here wear my cape until we can get you some more appropriate clothing," he growls at last and I beam at him as I take the heavy cloak and try not to wince too much as I pull it around my shoulders.

Our journey into Bree is a silent one and a painful one, I am determined not to slow him down and he is determined to show me that I am a burden and so I am forced to follow him at a speed that causes tears of pain to roll steadily down my heated cheeks. This is definitely not how I imagined Aragorn, the stories had always painted him in such a way that they made him kind and caring and gentle. This man was none of those things, he was rough and although he is not altogether unfeeling, in fact I think maybe he is just as brave and selfless as the stories say, it either is a trait so well hidden it is nearly impossible to spot or one that is yet to be brought out in him.

"Here," he says shortly as we find ourselves in a small room in the prancing pony pub, I sit as he has directed and sip on the drink he has given me. I am so wrapped up in trying to get used to the idea that I was actually sitting in a place I had thought imaginary for so long that I barely bat an eye lid as he lays out a series of bandages and salves and proceeds to make me strip off most of my clothes. Okay so another thing to add to my list of what the fan fiction stories lied about, the men here, Aragorn definitely included are in no way prudish about sex or female bodies. He doesn't even bat an eyelid, except to comment on the strangeness of my underwear.

"I am starting to believe that you were telling the truth before," he says after a while and I nod tiredly.

"I was," I say by way of answer and he frowns more deeply.

"These wounds, they are older, you are a warrior in your world?" he asks in utter confusion and I wheeze a laugh at that.

"Not exactly, but I learned long ago to fight and defend myself," I whisper, not a complete lie, I mean sure he would think I meant with a sword or bow and arrow rather than my fists and occasionally a knife or handy weapon that is lying around but I did know how to look after myself, I'd not exactly hand much choice over the years.

"Sleep a while, I have business to attend to," he says getting up and pulling one of his shirts over my head so that it falls to my knees and then he is gone, no gentle kiss to the forehead, no carrying me to the bed, nope he was treating me as if I was just another soldier which I guess at least means that I was sticking around for a while I mean he had left all of his equipment and most of his weapons here too. Without giving anything much more thought I sink onto the bed which was suddenly the most comfortable thing in the world and drift into a troubled sleep of exhaustion and pain.


	3. Chapter 3

"Who is she?" the voice is quiet and filled with horrified wonder and as I crack my eyes open I have to bite back the yelp of shock that wants to force its way from my throat as I see I am surrounded by four tiny men.  
"The hobbits," I whisper in wonder as I glance at Aragorn who nods his head in confirmation, that slightly suspicious look still on his face as it is every time he looks at me.

"She knows what we are," one of them says in delight and I can't help but smile a little at their enthusiasm, I open my mouth to speak but catching Aragorn's eye and seeing his warning glare I realise that he is telling me not to let on anything and so I shut my mouth again instead and let him speak.

"Get some sleep my little friends, we cannot stay here and tomorrow we must start a journey you will need your rest for," Aragorn says and he pulls me out of the bed none to gently to allow them to sleep in it.

"I am coming with you?" I ask in a whisper once they are all asleep and he looks at me for a long moment before answering.

"That depends, what do you know of them?" he asks with a gesture towards the bed and I follow the movement so that I can see the four small bodies curled up together.

"I know that their names are Sam, Pippin, Merry and Frodo and I know that Frodo carries the ring," I whisper back and then tense as feel him move forwards grabbing my hair and pushing me into the wall, I was getting a bit tired of this act every time I say anything.

"I ought to kill you now," he growls and I flinch visibly despite my best efforts not to,

"I have done nothing wrong," I plead and he growls pushing me further into the wall, my back hitting painfully against still fresh bruises from my journey here.

"You could be a spy,"

"If I was a spy do you think I would have come unarmed and helpless?" I ask frustration once more beginning to bubble beneath my skin.

"You may have planned on using my good nature, of seducing me," he comments and I actually laugh out loud at that.

"First of all I am yet to see much of this good nature which you speak of and secondly if it was my intention to seduce you do you not think I would have attempted that whilst I was sitting in front of you almost naked earlier this day?" I ask angry tears clouding my vision slightly.

"I could have left you in the woods to die," he says stubbornly and I shake my head at him, "I still cannot trust you," he continues and I sigh again sinking onto the windowsill as he finally releases his grip on my hair.

"That is not my fault I have never been anything but honest with you since the moment we met, I think that if I was a spy I might be a little less forthcoming with the details and I may have also made up a better story," I say in exasperation.

"And why should I trust you?" he asks now,

"Because all I want is to help," I say quietly and he makes a noise of disbelief at this which makes me cringe slightly.

"Why would you want to put yourself at risk to help someone, help people you don't even know?" he sneers,

"Because…" I say trailing off avoiding making eye contact with him.

"Because what?" he pushes and I suddenly find myself on my feet my voice rising slightly.

"Because my life is shit and for the last few years the only thing that has kept me sane is reading about this world, reading stories about your lives. I didn't know any of it was true I thought it was all just made up. You saved my life, the stories I mean, they saved my life so many times and now I just want to return the favour… I just wanted a second chance," I say my voice faltering and finally trailing off into a whisper as I feel my face flaming with embarrassment and I cannot look him in the eye as I cross to the other side of the room ignoring it when the hobbits awaken, ignoring the story of the ring wraiths, I had read it so many times I knew it by heart anyway and I was too humiliated.

"Put these on, we are to leave in a few minutes," Aragorn's voice is as formal and hard as always and I am almost thankful for him not bringing my earlier outburst up. I take the clothes from him, his spares I assume and some rope to help keep the trousers from falling down.

"So I am coming too then?" I ask in a hesitant whisper,

"I still do not trust you but maybe Gandalf and my father will have some answers," he mutters and I give him a tiny smile knowing that this is the best I am going to get.

It is halfway through our second day of walking that growling in frustration Aragorn rounds on me and pulling out a knife drops to his knees and begins to cut the trousers I am wear so that they no longer drag across the floor and trip me all the time. Needless to say this causes a great amount of amusement for the hobbits and embarrassment for me.

"I did not complain," I say,

"I am tired of hearing you stumble," he replies and then we are on our way again. It is a journey that takes a long time, far longer than the movies or books make it sound, far, far longer and incredibly boring and tiring. Aragorn barely talks at all and whilst I occasionally speak to the hobbits I am scared to say too much in case Aragorn decides that I am a spy again and actually kills me, I am just praying that Gandalf or Elrond will be able to work out what had happened to me and convince Aragorn that I could be trusted. All in all by the time we reach the point where the ring wraiths would attack us I am so exhausted and lonely and bored of walking that I almost forget all about the events until I wake to the sound of the screams of the creatures.

"Oh shit," I yelp as I jump up and position myself in front of him. Once again this is a moment that seems to last a lot longer than it does in the movies or stories. I have no weapon, Aragorn still did not trust me enough for that and I have no idea what to do. The hobbits are thrown aside like dolls as the wraiths approach Frodo and so I leap for Merry's dropped sword and move to attack them, thinking that maybe like the stories I read I would somehow be a brilliant fighter, needless to say I am not. My body connects so quickly and so hard with the rock that for a moment I cannot breathe at all, my vision blurred as I gasp for breath and sound muffled. I see shapes and blurs of flame and screaming as if it is under water, the ringing in my ears is so strong that I move my hands to cover them only to realise that only one arm seems to work. As my senses come back to me I pull myself to my feet and stumble towards where Frodo is lying. The panic is palpable as instructions are shouted and we are on our way and the emotion I had felt reading about this was nothing compared to being in it. I was watching him die, watching those who knew him best grieve whilst they felt both helpless and hopeless to do anything.

When Arwen appears I feel more surplus to requirement than I ever had, uglier than I ever had and more stupid than I ever had in my life. I shrink back away from her glowing beauty and calm and avoid watching the scene before me.

"Why did you not warn me?" I am so caught off guard as I am once again hurled against a tree and held at sword point by Aragorn that a cry of both shock and pain is ripped from my throat and the other three hobbits look on in complete and uncomprehending surprise.

"I forgot," I gasp out once I have managed to swallow the sickness washing through me at the pain his movements have sent rocketing through my shoulder.

"Forgot!" he snarls his anger rolling off of him and over me making a shiver of fear rush through my own body.

"I was exhausted A… Strider, I was so tired I was not thinking and it wasn't until I woke up that I remembered," I plead willing the tears that were gathering in my eyes to not fall, "I tried to help," I add angry at myself for being weak. I had never been helpless, maybe if I had I would have been like the girls in the stories I had read but I had never had the opportunity, I had always been the one that everyone assumed could look after herself.

"She's right Strider, she tried to help honestly but they were too strong," Pippen says now and he drops me quickly where I sink to the floor my legs no longer able to hold me up and I try and fail to hold in the tiny whimper of pain that escapes me as I hold my, what I think is dislocated, shoulder.

"Strider why did you do that?" Merry asks in shock as they gather around me and help me to my feet after I had had a moment to collect myself.

"I told you we should not have trusted him," Sam mutters darkly and I want to smile but am too ashamed and hurt and scared to do so.

"It was not his fault Sam, I am to blame," I whisper and standing up straighter I catch Aragorn's eye and can't quite place the look on his face so I look away and continue to walk.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the response so far, this really just started as a way to rid myself of writers block, that happens a lot with my stories, and has developed so it's nice to see it is being well received so far. I have by no means abandoned any of my stories and am still working on them as and when I can, I am just super busy at the moment but please do check them out too.**

 ** _Ruler of the elements_** **\- I have no idea who I am going to pair my OC with yet I am hovering between Aragorn and Legolas and there is even the possibility of Boromir or Faramir that could be thrown in so I am totally open to suggestions and ideas.**

It is a further three days before we reach Rivendell and I am by now completely despondent and totally convinced that I was either be killed or told that I must go home or that no one would believe me. This whole experience had very quickly gone from being my greatest fantasy to the worst experience of my fairly shitty life so far.

"You must follow me child you are injured," the voice is gentle and so far removed from what I had become accustomed to over the last, well, ever, that I start in surprise and look up to see a tall elf standing before me.

"Lord Elrond," I whisper in awe and he raises an eyebrow at me slightly,

"You know me?" he questions and I am glad to see that at least he does not throw me against a nearby surface and hold a sword to my throat, I am not sure how much more of that I can stand. As if reading my thoughts, although knowing his gifts perhaps he has seen already what has happened or at least bits of it, he smiles reassuringly, "I will not harm you child,"

"I… have read about you," I answer truthfully and he nods before moving to take my arm at which point I automatically flinch away from him and take up a defensive stance, It was more instinct than anything. A lifetime of being beaten had taught me that at least, that and never trust anyone because it's the ones who are supposed to protect you that hurt you the most and so far it looked like Middle Earth wasn't going to do much to dispel those views.

"Come, we will save any further conversation for when you have rested and been healed," he says backing away slightly to give me space and I don't miss the look he throws Aragorn's way as we pass him.

I wake to the feeling of softness surrounding me and a feeling of safety, something I had not felt in a very long time. Sitting up I become immediately aware of the fact that I am wearing a long gown and have been cleaned thoroughly, my wounds dressed and I feel more well rested than I had in a long time, those aches and pains gone the only residual pain a dull ache in my shoulder which had also been fixed.

"Ah you are awake good, now maybe we can get some answers," the voice startles me and let out a little yelp of shock as I spin round to see the old man by the fireplace.

"Gandalf," I exclaim and notice the brief flicker of surprise on his own face before he smiles at me.

"They were right then, interesting, come get dressed and then we shall try to work out what your coming here means," he says and I nod numbly picking up the dress that has been laid out and moving towards the room he indicates and pulling the dress on. I briefly admire the beauty of the garment before I am once again dragged back to the moment as a knock on the door indicates that I need to follow Gandalf and I do so silently, praying to any god that may exist that they believe me and this whole thing doesn't get any worse than it already is.

We make our way down several corridors and despite the fact that I keep my eyes firmly directed at the floor I can tell that everyone we pass is staring at my strangely and it makes me wrap my arms around myself in protection, I had being stared at, I hate being the centre of attention so this was effectively my worst nightmare.

"We are here," Gandalf's voice is gentle and I look up quickly to see that we have appeared in the doorway of a large room, which is open to the valley with balconies and beautiful views that under any other circumstances would take my breath away and keep my attention for hours but right now my attention is focused on the men staring at me. I shift awkwardly from one foot to the other until a hand appears at my back making me jump and flinch away and then cringe as I see the looks passed between them.

"Sit down Finley," Elrond commands and I nod moving quickly to the chair he has indicated and sitting in it.

"Aragorn tells us that you have a strange story about who you are," he continues after a while and I glance up, taking in his posture before I glance around the room, stifling a gasp as I spot who else is there. Standing in the corner beside Aragorn, looking more beautiful and unobtainable than any story could possibly describe him as being was an elf that could only be Legolas.

"Oh sorry we did not introduce you, Finley this is…" Gandalf starts and I quickly interrupt him,

"Legolas," the name comes out as a whisper and I see both he and Aragorn tense, Aragorn's frown deepening and I move my gaze away setting it once again upon the table in front of me.

"You are an interesting case," Gandalf muses with a hint of amusement in his voice and I sigh inaudibly.

"Do you know what happened to me?" I whisper eventually and risk a glance at both Elrond and Gandalf.

"No child I am afraid not, neither have I or the lady of the woods had any visions of your coming, you are a mystery," Elrond says and I shudder slightly as I feel more than see Aragorn and Legolas step forward slightly.

"What are you going to do with me?" I ask my voice so quiet I almost think they will not have heard it but of course they do.

"What are you scared of Finley?" Gandalf asks after a moment and I shrug my shoulders, my go to defence mode kicking in as I become sullen and unmoving and he makes a noise of disbelief but thankfully does not push the topic for which I am incredibly grateful.

"How much do you know?" Elrond asks and I sigh again deciding that there is no point in lying about anything to them.

"I know everything that will happen in this war including how it will end and who will be sacrificed to achieve that end," I say quietly.

"Then tell us," Legolas implores immediately and I turn my gaze on him his own stare both hard and penetrating at the same time and it terrifies me.

"I would not waste your time, she is either lying or has no intention of helping just as when Frodo was stabbed," Aragorn sneers and I flinch again.

"I told you, I forgot," I say quickly but he is already advancing on me and snarling.

"Be calm Estel, do not be so harsh she speaks the truth," Elrond says and everyone freezes,  
"But…"  
"I cannot tell where she is from but I am old enough, wise enough and have gift enough left to know that she is truthful, it is a miracle she was still standing when she arrived here with the injuries she had sustained, as it is it took some five days of sleep to heal her," I take a sharp intake of breath at this I had been asleep for five days how is that possible? "You saw yourself her injuries my son, why do you doubt her so?" The question seems to stump him as he stares at his adoptive father for a while and the silence in the room once again becomes oppressive, Legolas' eyes still boring into me and making me shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"The question remains what do we do with her?" Legolas says and I twist my fingers together in my lap.

"She should travel with us," Gandalf says and both Aragorn and Legolas quickly object to that making me wince again.

"I missed the council then?" I ask after a moment drawing attention back to myself.

"It is too dangerous for her to stay her, I fear the enemy already know of her existence and if they don't yet it will not be long before they do, it would spell the end of all things if they were to find her," Elrond says

"Surely the same reasons stand for her not to travel with us?" Aragorn almost shouts causing me to flinch as the sound echoes in my head which is beginning to ache.

"Maybe she should seek the Lady out," Legolas says at last and everyone seems to consider this for a while.

"She cannot be sent alone," Elrond says and Gandalf makes a sudden noise of triumph making us all jump a little, well Aragorn and I at least.

"Then it is settled, she travels with us as far as Lothorien,"

"And if our path does not lead us there?" Aragorn growls but Gandalf just bats away his comments.

"I have a feeling it shall," he says simply.

"I should hate to be the one to tell Boromir or the dwarf about this," Legolas muses after a while.

"They are to be told nothing of her knowledge," Elrond says quickly and I glance up at this.

"You really think the enemy will want to find me?" I ask and he nods gravely.

"Yes. And I believe that has he already knowledge of your knowledge or not he will gain it soon and if he finds you he will torture you to the point of death to gain an advantage in this war," he says gravely.

"I would never tell him anything," I say vehemently wanting, no needing them to know that I would not betray them.

"Listen to her she is but a child," Aragorn explodes angrily, what is it that this man has against me, "you know not what you speak of, you would not last a day in the hands of the enemy," he sneers as he rounds on me and I am on my feet instantly.

"You know nothing of my life or what I can endure so why don't you just fuck off and leave me alone," I spit at him, flushing at the shocked looks on the other's faces as I glance over at them before I storm out of the room, heavy tears already spilling down my cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5

I make it all the way to a little stream before I collapse and let forth a loud sob which is quickly followed by another and another. I cry until I have nothing left. Until I am empty and both my eyes and throat are sore with it.

"I am sorry," a voice says quietly behind me and I yelp a little as I jump up and spin around to see Legolas standing behind me.

"What are you apologising for?" I ask after I have given myself a moment to gather my wits.

"I was not… friendly when we met," he says after a while and I smile a little.

"Friendlier than some," I reply and he bows his head a little.

"Estel is, he is just trying to protect you," he says after a moment, almost as if he is talking out of turn by mentioning anything and I grimace a little.

"I don't think he cares enough to be worried about protecting me," I whisper and he shakes his head taking a step forward.  
"He does you will see," he replies and it is my turn to shake my head a little at him but I decide not to press the matter maybe because I had to trust that he knew Aragorn better than I did and maybe because I wanted so much to believe that Aragorn was the way I had always imagined him being, the way he had been depicted in the stories I had read.

"The world you come from, it is different from this one?" he asks now clearly sensing my need to change the subject and I give him my best raised eyebrow as I settle back down on the bank and he sits beside me far too gracefully.

"About as different as it is possible to be," I reply after a moments hesitation. We sit in silence for a while and I sigh as I enjoy the peaceful sounds of nature, something that I had never been able to do at home, "you know I spent years dreaming of being here, being with all of you," I say in a barely audible whisper and I can sense him turning to look at me. "It is not quite as I imagined it to be," I finish and he furrows his brow when I glance at him.

"You knew…" he begins trailing off as if trying to formulate his words and I almost laugh at how unlike the way I had always read him to be he really was.

"Yes," I sigh, "I know everything, I know too much,"

"You must miss home?" he says know trying to change the subject and make me less uncomfortable,

"Not really," I admit and he looks at me startled and so I decide to give him a little more information, "my life wasn't… I don't really…" this is more difficult than I had imagined and I rapidly feel myself losing the will to hide things from them.  
"But your family?" he pushes and I fidget a little wincing as I move my shoulder which is still a little stiff and sore.

"I am not sure you would wish me to tell you the truth," I say quietly and moves a little closer placing a comforting hand on my arm which startles me a little.

"You cannot hide everything of yourself," he says reasonably.

"I am so tired of keeping secrets," I say in a rush my eyes welling up with tears again despite my best attempts to avoid it.

"Then don't, speak to me," his voice is gentle and calming and I feel it persuading me.

"But I am scared, what if I say the wrong thing? What if I say something that ruins everything? That changes everything?" I ask wincing as I hear the wavering in my own voice.

"Then speak only of your life, that surely cannot affect what happens here and besides it is not good for you to have no one to confide in," he smiles and I offer him a tentative smile in return.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask in a cautious whisper and he smiles more widely.

"We are to be companions on a dangerous journey I should like to know that those with me are my friends and that I can trust them and they me," he replies and I laugh a little.

"You may well be the only one that will ever even consider trusting me and that may change when you realise how useless I am with weapons," I say in defeat and although his smile falters a little he soon has it back in place.

"Give them time, men here, males here in Middle Earth we are protective of our women and it may take time for them to learn but they will,"

"And you?" I ask looking up at him and he smiles again, a smile that would have weakened my knees had I been standing and I am suddenly very glad for the fact that I am sitting.

"I learnt long ago to never underestimate a person," he says simply and I nod, "so tell me about your family," he says and I grimace as I turn back towards the water.

"They will not know I am gone and when they realise they will not care," I say morosely.

"Surely…" he begins in a shocked voice but I cut him off quickly knowing that if I didn't speak now I would never be able to say anything.

"My father was an abuser and the only time I got attention from him was when he was beating me," I break off for a minute and take a breath before continuing, "my mother is at home with her forth husband, she never wanted me and always tells me she hates me, that I ruined her life," I finish and shudder a little.

"I am sorry Finley," he says quietly after a moment and I nod not looking at him.

"It's okay besides I had my stories, when I was younger, when it was really bad before my dad left, I found stories about Middle Earth and your journey and I used to escape into my imagination, I used to dream of being here of being with you all and getting a second chance and so even if it is not as I imagined it I guess that just makes it more real because things are rarely as good as you imagine them to be and besides it will always be better than what I had,"

"Legolas," the voice startles me and I jump up spinning to see Aragorn standing behind us both.

"Hello Estel," Legolas replies turning gracefully and standing in one fluid movement.

"We are required back in council… all of us," he says looking now at me and I hastily wipe away any remnants of tears and nod at him before silently following feeling awkward and fearful and embarrassed all at once.

"You cannot honestly expect us to take a woman?" the voice is loud and angry and makes me flinch as we approach the room and hesitate before I feel a hand at my back applying a gentle pressure and I glance up and feel my face slacken in shock as I see that it is Aragorn's hand and his face is holding an odd expression of remorse and kindness that I had not expected to ever see.

"Come," he says simply in a voice I hardly recognise as the hard edge had disappeared and so I simply nod and move forwards.

"Finley there you are," Gandalf smiles, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the air around us.

"Sorry," I murmur and he simply smiles again and proceeds to needlessly introduce me to everyone.

"It is nothing against you my lady but you must not come," Boromir says immediately and I don't have the chance to respond before I am interrupted.

"It has already been decided she must accompany you on the first part of your journey at least," Elrond says, although his voice is heavy with something akin to guilt which surprises me.

"It is a suicide mission, she does not belong here," Boromir continues.

"Then it is a win win situation," I say and they all look at me in shocked surprise and so I continue, "I do not belong here as you said and so if I die then it is no great loss and I either find myself back at home or I have sacrificed myself for a worthy cause there is no down side," I say and they are still gaping at me shock now joining the already thick tension in the air.

"You do not know what you say," Boromir says eventually,

"I think perhaps she knows better than any of us what we face and she will be well protected," Aragorn states and it is my turn to look shocked.

"You must not protect me, I am not important, train me so I may protect myself," I say after a moment and he looks ready to argue until Gandalf jumps in.

"Excellent, you will train with the rest of the fellowship until we leave in a months time," he says effectively dismissing the meeting and I am left in the wake of several grumbling males and still reeling from Aragorn's sudden mood change.


	6. Chapter 6

The morning of our departure dawns more quickly than I could have imagined and as I pack my bag I am both desperately eager to get on our way and completely petrified of what is to come.

"Are you ready?" A voice says from my doorway and I turn to see Legolas standing in their looking beautiful in his travelling clothes complete with his bow strapped to his back and I smile at him as I swallow my fear and nod.

"As I'll ever be," I respond as I pick up my pack and moved towards the door.

"Then let us join the others," he says smiling. I follow behind him silently trying to work out my feelings, piece together my emotions, I am scared, more than scared but over the last month I have finally managed to bond a little with some of the members of the fellowships. True it was nothing like the stories I had read I had hardly been embraced and treated like a princess as most of the girls I had read about seemed to have been. No, I was very much an outsider still, all but Legolas seemed to speak very little to me and even he was wary, friendly and kind but keeping his distance as the others did. The only real change being that I no longer felt as if they would leave me or kill me themselves at the first opportunity although knowing what was to come I had a feeling that may change again. They may not hate me yet but they would and it pained me to know that I could do nothing to avoid that and yet still I felt more alive here than I ever had back at home, it was a strange feeling to come to terms with.

After walking for two weeks I am still no closer to any kind of resolution to my churning emotions and I now have to deal with the fact that events I know about are fast approaching and I have no idea how to broach them and warn the fellowship and help without ruining everything. God those bloody stories made it look so fucking easy and it is so NOT!

"Finley," I start a little at the sound of my name for it had been at least three days since anyone had spoken a word to me now and I had almost become used to the silence.

"Sorry I was thinking," I say immediately as I turn to see Legolas standing before me smiling a little at my obvious confusion and bewilderment.

"We are stopping for a time for the hobbits are weary and I think you could use the rest too," he says quietly and I feel myself flush as he has obviously noticed how unfit I am. One good thing that has come out of this whole situation is that I have definitely lost a lot of weight, I must be at least two stone lighter than I was before I came and am finally getting a figure I could be proud of. I nod at him and move away slightly to find a little place to sit and rest without any of them staring at me. It is as I am stretching out my aching legs that I look around and begin to recognise where I am but it is not until I hear the laughter and clashing of swords that I remember and jumping up with a little squeak rush to Aragorn.

"Aragorn we must hide," I whisper urgently to him and he looks up with a frown,

"What are you talking about?" he replies in confusion and I gesture around me wildly,

"Saruman's spies are coming we must hide now," instantly he is on his feet his face inches from mine as he hisses out his reply,

"How do you…?"

"Please don't make me tell you the whole thing again," I plead desperately, cutting him off and I see his expression change as he realises what he is saying and is opening his mouth to say something when Legolas calls out from the outcrop of rocks he is standing on.

"Come…" he says suddenly grabbing at me but I push him away,

"Get Frodo," I yell as I rush to get my pack. I can hear the noise of them approaching now and fear rushes through me as I stumble and nearly fall a strong arm catching me at the last minute and pulling me under a rocky outcrop. Spinning I find myself in Legolas' arms and stifle a gasp at his closeness before a sickness washes over me as the evil that is now upon us washes over me. His arms tighten around me and I find my head buried against his chest and I nearly sob as I relish the warmth and closeness, oh how I had missed human contact. Actually I had never really had this sort of contact, someone protecting me with no ulterior motive and it sends electric shocks tingling across my skin. When the beating of the wings and squawking had finally gone I slowly risk a glance up at him and am surprised to see shock on his face, had he felt the same electric shocks as I had? What could it mean if he had? I shiver when he pulls away from me already feeling lost without his warmth surrounding me and he furrows his brow.

"Are you well?" he asks in a whisper and I nod feeling a blush rise in my checks and ducking my head to try and hide it from him.

"Yes, I just… I never realised quite how scary they were," I reply, my voice sounding tiny even to my own ears and I would have repeated myself had I not known that his elf ears would have heard me.

"You are shaking," he says, his voice still a whisper and he takes a step forward as he speaks causing my breath to catch in my throat. Oh this cannot be happening, I would be dead soon of that I was fairly certain for I knew better than any of them what we faced and how desperately out of my league I was. I knew that even if I survived I was human and he was an elf and I could not age and grow old as he stayed young and handsome forever.

"Come we must move," Aragorn's voice calls to us and he looks up stepping away from me as he does so and finally giving me a moment to catch my breath before I promptly lose it again in a frustrated sigh as I remember where we are headed.

"What is it?" he asks looking concerned and I laugh quietly shaking my head.

"Nothing I have just remembered that we are about to head up that mountain and I am not a fan of the cold or the steep climb," I reply and he chuckles himself as he falls into step beside me.

We walk in companionable silence for a long time after that the hours merging as we trudge onwards but the tension leaving too which at the very least made me a little less anxious as for the first time since I had arrived here I was beginning to feel like I was a part of something, a part of one of the stories I had read. Apart from the fact that none of the fellowship other than Legolas and Gandalf seem to really like me or trust me I mean.

It is more than a week later when we finally reach the mountain and begin to climb and I won't lie when I say that a lot of this stuff was not mentioned in the stories or films or anything really and I can kind of see why. It's boring! I mean really, really boring, and long and tiring and oh god how I hate walking, they really should have warned me about this bit. They told me about the fighting, the death, the pain and grief but never, not once did anyone mention all the walking! I am so caught up in my internal rant that I almost forget where we are until I almost walk into Aragorn's back. Suddenly I remember what is about to happen and grab at his arm.

"What is it?" he asks looking shocked that I have grabbed at him.

"Watch Boromir and get ready to catch Frodo," I whisper to him and he raises his eyebrow at me getting ready to speak when Frodo cries out as he slips and falls. It is so strange to watch something play out in exactly the way you had read and seen it thousands of times and it makes me feel very uncomfortable and at the same time powerful. It is as Aragorn gives me a look to suggest that he feels a similar level of discomfort at my knowledge that I think about speaking to Gandalf and possibly avoiding the whole avalanche thing and so offering Aragorn and Frodo a weak smile I move as quickly as I can up the mountain and towards Gandalf and Legolas.

I am panting and exhausted by the time I reach the pair of them but struggle on through the wind.

"Gandalf," I call out and he turns holding a hand out to me,

"What is it my friend?" he asks as I draw lever with him.

"Saruman, he will try to bring down the mountain we should turn back," I say and he shakes his head but before I can say anything else Legolas is calling out to us all.

"There is a fell voice in the air," he shouts and I look to Gandalf getting the strangest feeling as he makes eye contact with me that he knew this would happen already, is it possible that he knows what else will happen to him too?

"Get back," someone yells and I see Gandalf standing at the edge of the path so I dart forward just before Legolas does to pull him back when something hard connects with the back of my head and everything goes very fuzzy.

"We go through the mines," the voice is distant and it takes me a while to figure it out and then force my eyes open but when I do my heart sinks. I had missed the conversation, I could do nothing to avoid going through the mines now, I could not stop the attacks that would happen, or could I? I would have to think hard to work out what could be done.

"Are you okay?" Legolas asks looking concerned and I realise two things very suddenly which force a fierce blush to rise up my neck and a sudden warmth to rush through my body. First I was very much wrapped in Legolas' strong arms and his body was pressed against mine as he seemed to be trying to warm me with his own body heat and second his face was only inches from my own as he studies me to gauge whether I was truly okay or not.

"I am fine, just a little sore," I reply after a few minutes and struggle to my feet with his help and as we begin our journey back down the mountain he remains glued to my side causing strange feelings to flutter around inside of me.

It is late into the evening by the time everyone has settled and is sleeping, preparing for a long and arduous day tomorrow, I am just glad that we are at least part way down the mountain and have found a cave that at least shielded us from some of the cold. Shivering I pull my cloak more tightly around me and pull my legs up towards my chest before resting my chin on my knees and gazing out into the blackness of the night.

"I owe you an apology," a gruff voice says and I give a little start as Aragorn sits heavily beside me.

"What for?" I ask once I have regained my composure and he glances at me for a while before looking out into the darkness of the night.

"I have treated you unfairly, I am sorry," he says quietly and I turn to glance at the rest of the fellowship all asleep, it must be Aragorn's watch then.

"You were only doing what you were told, what you thought was best and I understand that and you have nothing to apologise for," I whisper back to him and he sighs a little.

"I am only beginning to see now how wrong I was," he murmurs as he studies me and I can feel myself blushing fiercely under his gaze, "may I ask a question?" he asks after a moment of silence and I look up at him and study his own face for a while, wary of trusting him too much after the way he has treated me and yet at the same time unable to stop my heart from leaping with joy at the fact that I finally seem to be getting what I had always dreamed of.

"Yes," I answer in a breathless whisper and watch as he formulates his words carefully,

"Why do you care so much about our world and us?" I look away as I try to work out how to answer him and spend a long time thinking in silence before turning to look into the cave at the sleeping fellowship.

"You heard me speaking to Legolas back in Rivendell?" I ask although I barely have to look at him to see his nod of confirmation I had already known he had been listening, I sigh a little before continuing. "For as long as I can remember I have been unwanted, your world, you and the other members of the fellowship became my escape. You were my only friends, you were my hopes and dreams because when I closed my eyes and prayed for escape I wished with everything I had to be here to be in a world that was beautiful. That even though there was war and fear here the fellowship loved each other and protected each other and I had never had that. In my world there were stories, thousands of them, made up by people like me I guess, stories about girls like me falling into your world and being found by the fellowship and being loved and cared for. You have no idea how often I prayed for it to be true, for me to be here and then one day it did and I should have known that stories are just that… stories, made up to make life easier and I don't blame you for not being the way you were in the stories I really don't but I do need you to know that I have loved this world and this fellowship since I was twelve years old and I will do anything I can to save it and you," I finish slightly breathlessly fidgeting uncomfortably under his scrutiny and then losing my breath completely as he suddenly shifts closer and puts his arm around my shoulders pulling me closer still into his side.

"I promise that I will do what I can to make up for my wrong doing when we met my friend, starting with keeping you warm," he says quietly and I huff out a nervous laugh.

"I told you, you did nothing wrong," I say and he smiles,

"It is always wrong to destroy a child's dreams," he replies and I make a noise of frustration as I look up at him.

"I am not a child Aragorn, I'm twenty-six," I say and he just smiles more widely, a thing I realise with a slight blush makes him look a lot younger and more handsome.

"The youngest of the fellowship, you are indeed younger than I had imagined," he says in only slightly concealed shock, "you may get your wish after all," he muses and I furrow my brow slightly.

"What do you mean?" I ask and he chuckles,

"I mean that when the others find out your age they will treat you like a child and become very protective," he says and I shake my head.

"I know that you are far older than you seem but I did not know that the others were all so old too, apart from Gandalf and Legolas of course," I say and he looks shocked for a second about my knowledge until his face clears, well at least no knife point this time, "they still don't like me though and they would have to do that if they were to be bothered about protecting me," I add and he sighs himself at this.

"I think perhaps you should give them time, the hobbits and Legolas are already enamoured with you, I think maybe they are far wiser than the rest of us," he says with a tiny smile and I return it feeling my cheeks heating again.

"I should probably get some sleep, tomorrow is going to be… hard," I say after a moment and he looks at me for a long moment.

"I am not sure I will ever get used to your knowledge of our future," he murmurs after a while, "can you tell me what will happen tomorrow?" he asks suddenly and I feel tears spring to my eyes and my face flush as I realise how much I want to tell him and how helpless I feel.

"I wish I could," I say in a slightly shaky voice, "you have no idea how much I wish I could tell you everything but I am too scared that it may change everything,"

"Finley is right, there are things that are to happen that cannot be changed and yet with her knowledge, if she were to tell you, they would be and it would lead to our failure," Gandalf's voice says and I start with a little yelp and he pulls away from my quickly leaving me to fight the shudder that rushes through me at the sudden loss of his warmth.

"Get some sleep Finley, I shall wake you in the morning," Aragorn says to me now and I nod moving closer to the fire and settling down feeling suddenly exhausted, my eyes shutting almost immediately as I drift off to sleep leaving the two men muttering quietly in the darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Just a super short chapter to keep you going as it's been so long since I updated anything, for which I apologise, but it's the Christmas holidays soon so I should be able to update a few of my stories then, even though I fly to Vegas on Christmas day :)**

"Time to go Finley," a warm voice washes over me and I open my eyes to see a blurry face before me.

"Fin," I say in a rough voice, still thick with sleep, "call me Fin," I clarify after a second my vision clearing slightly to see a smiling Legolas crouching over me.

"Come on Fin, we must move," he grins and I smile back before getting up with a little groan and a shiver. Another thing they don't let you know in those stories is how bloody cold and uncomfortable it is sleeping in your clothes on the ground day after day, week after week and yes, okay, so it may very well seem like common sense but when you are concentrating on finding love and comfort and family those little details fall by the wayside. That is until you are living through it of course.

"How long will it take do you think?" one of the hobbits asks and I stifle a giggle at their childlike ways.

"Finle… Fin, are you well?" Legolas asks from beside me and I glance up at him smiling a little and nodding.

"I am fine thank you," I say despite the fact that I was already feeling a tension building within me.

"Are you sure? You look very pale," he continues and I smile slightly wider at him to try and show him just how fine I was.

"Yes, just a little cold," I lie and although I still think he does not believe me and I have a nasty suspicion he is talking to Aragorn about me too as we head off with me trailing behind.

Every step we take towards the mines increases my anxiety and by the time we reach the lake and the great expanse of rock my entire body is practically humming with it, my breath shaky as I attempt to control it and get a handle on my feelings.

"What is wrong nessa er (young one)?" Aragorn asks as he approaches where I have seated myself as far from the water as possible.

"I do not like this place," I whisper to him trying my best to tell him with my eyes what I know I cannot tell him with words as I stare up at him.

"Something is to happen here?" he asks although it sounds more like a statement and I nearly sob out loud feeling tears prickle at the back of my eyes.

"Yes," I choke out eventually.

"But you cannot say anything?" I shake my head at him feeling myself visibly begin to shake as he crouches before me his hands taking mine making me realise several things all at once. Firstly his hands are freaking huge compared to mine, in fact that is one thing the stories got right, the men here are massive all of them well over 6 feet tall. Secondly, the warmth that spreads through me at this action causes a strange sensation to pass through me as does the look Legolas is shooting us and thirdly, this is the first time that I truly begin to believe that my wildest fantasies may actually be coming true and these people were beginning to care at least a tiny bit for me.

"Think nessa er, is there anything you can say that will not alter the future too drastically?" he is speaking urgently and I am suddenly aware that Legolas is standing close beside us looking down and listening intently and I glance up at him tears swimming in my eyes until his hand reaches out and grasps my shoulder. The strangest sensation rushes through me as both these men try to offer me comfort and I feel stronger than I had since I arrived here and safer too even though I knew that I was in greater danger than I had ever been and I would probably be dead within the next week, if I lasted that long, I swallow hard before looking up again.

"Beware of the water and watch Frodo," I say eventually and they both nod knowing I think, finally, that I wanted to tell them far more than I could.

"You are safe with us Fin, we will let no harm come to you," Legolas says quietly as Aragorn steps away to speak to Pippin and Merry as they throw rocks into the water and I can see that whilst he is speaking to me his eyes are still on Aragorn the strangest expression on his face.

"You must focus on Frodo not me, I will be okay and if I am not, it will be of no consequence," I mutter and he turns to me now.

"I would not be so sure of that," he replies before moving off himself to speak with Boromir and Gimli.

I sit for a while trying my best to calm my breathing and at the same time as go over every detail that I could remember of what was to come, there were two major problems with this though, I wasn't a great fan of heights and I was terrified of the dark. Okay so the fact that I knew exactly what was waiting for us in there terrified me even more.

"Fin… come," Legolas' voice is gentle as he wakes me from my daydreaming and gestures towards the now open entrance to the mines.

"Soon, master elf…" Gimli begins and I gulp and hesitate in my steps as the pounding of my heart stops me from hearing the rest.

"This is no mine it is a tomb," Boromir cries suddenly and the wave of fear and sickness that washes over me accompanied by the smell, that's one thing that was never mentioned in the stories either, is so toxic and consuming that it takes everything within me not to gag but I am powerless to stop my knees from buckling.

"Finley," Aragorn and Legolas both cry darting towards me but I push them away immediately.

"Frodo," I gasp out a second before we hear Sam's cry and then there is just a blur of movement and noise around me until I feel arms wrap around my middle and half lift me as they drag me into the cave and a sudden fear grips me.

"No, we can't go inside," I scream out the arms temporarily loosening as I flail around in my panic but it is too late the walls are caving in and the darkness is so complete that my panic only increases, "please," I plead a flash of embarrassment rushing through me as I realise that tears are coursing down my cheeks, "please, we have to find a way out, we cannot go on if we do…"

"Finley, stop!" Gandalf's voice is firm and Legolas appears in front of me a second later.

"But Gandalf…" I start again before he shakes his head, moving closer until only Aragorn, Legolas and I are within earshot of him.

"They must be told nothing," he whispers an almost frantic tone to his voice which seems to shock even Legolas.

"But…" I try again the tears still running down my face making my voice stutter and falter.

"They will understand," he says and I shake my head more sobs wracking my body for I knew they wouldn't, not really and I knew that Gandalf knew he was to die here.

"Come tarien (princess), I do not like the darkness either but we shall be strong together," Legolas says gently and even through my haze of fear and panic I do not miss the look that passes between he and Aragorn.

"Let us move, it is a four day walk to the other side and there are deeper and darker things than goblins in these mines, let us hope that our presence goes unnoticed," Gandalf says now and I feel another shudder of apprehension and fear roll through me before I feel a hand at my back and another press itself into mine. I let out a little gasp as I see Aragorn standing beside me, his huge hand encasing mine gently and squeezing it reassuringly as Legolas stands on my other side his fingers splayed out across my lower back spreading warmth through me.

"Thank you," I stutter to them as we begin to move.


	8. Chapter 8

By the time we reach the point that Gandalf forgets his way I am wound so tightly I can barely breathe.

"Be calm tarien," Legolas whispers as he crouches in front of me a few minutes later and I realise I am very nearly hyperventilating.

"What does that mean… tarien?" I ask and I could almost swear he blushes a bit which is very odd because I thought that elves were the kings and queens of being aloof and distant and blank and emotionless. Mind you what do I know everything else that I thought I knew was wrong so why shouldn't this be?

"That is for another time," he replies and I huff a little,

"What other time?" I ask immediately and he chuckles a little.

"When we are free of these caves," he answers and another wave of fear and misery rips through me as I realise that I would probably never know because I would most likely be dead and I could tell them nothing and so I simply nod and murmur something about getting closer to the light as I edge slightly nearer to Gandalf and watch and Legolas stands turning towards Aragorn who is glowering at him slightly.

"You should not be with her so," Aragorn hisses and I glance up in shock knowing that he could only be talking about me but also realising that he clearly didn't know I could hear him in the near silent darkness of the cavernous mines.

"I do not know what you mean?" Legolas returns equally as frostily and I am confused by the aminosity between these two friends.

"Calling her _tarien_ , you know what I mean," Aragorn practically spits,

"You are just the same calling her nessa er, at least I have not messed with her emotions so that she does not know where she stands," Legolas growls back fury evident in his voice to an extent that I bite back a gasp.

"And if she accepts, what happens then? When she grows old and you do not change?" Aragorn responds his own fury just as audible.

"And you are the better choice, a man who is destined to rule, she would be doomed to a life of being looked down upon by the nobles of Gondor," Legolas replies and Aragorn lets out a short bark of laughter.

"Because King Thandriel would be so accepting," my head is spinning by this point and my heart pounding so fiercely that it drowns out their voices. They could not be arguing over me, it was not possible. I had spent half my life dreaming of this situation and now that I was here I hated it. I could not choose. I wasn't worthy of either of them and I could not hurt either of them. Hot tears spring to my eyes my chest aching just as I think about it.

"Do not trouble yourself Finley, I believe that it is a decision that will be made for you in time," the voice startles me so much I bite back a yelp of fright.

"Sorry, you startled me," I respond in a quivering voice a moment later and Gandalf smiles gently at me.

"You do not like the dark," he states and I move my head to motion that he is correct, "why?" he asks after a moment and I ponder on the question for a moment before deciding to tell him the truth.

"When I was younger… the pain, the… the beatings and… well it always happened at night, in the dark. I remember laying there in my bed listening to the fighting the arguing, listening to my father's footsteps getting closer. Then later when my mother married her second husband and they wanted me out of the way or I irritated them in any way they would lock me in the cupboard under the stairs. It was small and it was so dark and I hated it, they left me there for three days once, I nearly died," I say feeling myself flush as I relive the humiliation.

"I see now I think why the Valar chose you," he says after a moment.

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion as I look up at him and he sucks on his pipe for a moment before smiling at me amusement twinkling in his eyes.

"Nothing happens for no reason Finley and your coming here is something that only the Valar could have arranged, maybe it was always fated, maybe it wasn't but you are here and they have picked you,"

"But why?" I ask,

"You are stronger than you realise Finley, it is not just your knowledge the fellowship and Middle Earth need but your strength,"  
"But I am not strong," I say immediately, "I can barely even wield a sword yet,"

"It is your strength of mind and heart child that they will need. Your ability to remain loyal despite being pushed away and mistreated," I had a horrible feeling that he was talking about what was to come and I gulp as I think once more of the conversation the two were having about me earlier.

"Like I said don't think too much on what they speak of now," he chuckles and I sigh as I gaze at the ground.

"Because my decision will be made for me?" I ask and he nods which makes me sigh, "because I shall either be dead or they will both hate me,"

"I do not believe you will die in these mines Finley and they will understand," he says but I shake my head.

"I am not so sure they will and I am not so sure I can let…" I begin but he cuts me off moving quickly so that he is gripping both of my arms in his strong hands.

"It must happen Finley or all shall fail," he says urgently and tears pool once again in my eyes.

"But how can I watch you… how can I stand by and…" I feel sick thinking about it and he shakes his head sadly.

"I have accepted what is to happen child and so must you, you must be strong for the others," he says and I gulp back the sob that wants to erupt from my throat and settle for nodding my head.

It is hours later when we finally move on, Gandalf having decided which way we should go. I am jittery and my stomach is tied in so many knots I am struggling to regulate my breathing properly until a smooth hand reaches down and takes my hand.

"It is okay tarien, I am here, we will be out of the darkness soon, I promise you," Legolas says, his voice just a breath, a soft whispering in the air but it reaches my ears nonetheless and I squeeze his hand a tiny bit to thank him before he lets go after returning the squeeze and moving to the front of the line to help guide the hobbits.

"Let me risk a little more light," Gandalf says and I look up as the light washes over me and a strange mix of relief and dread fill me. I was so relieved to see again, to have proper light around me that for a second I forget that this is the moment that it all begins to go wrong. It is the hand on the small of my back that breaks me from my thoughts and I look up to see Aragorn gazing down at me and I feel a painful squeeze around my heart as I see the way he is looking at me. I could not possibly choose between him and Legolas when they both made me feel so jittery and terrified and safe at the same time. Perhaps it is for the best that I died, or they hated me at least that way I would not hurt them.

"Come nessa er, we must keep pace with the others," he whispers as he smiles softly at me increasing the pressure at my back so that I would take a step forwards but as I do so Gimli cries out and I freeze as I watch them all begin to follow him, only moving when my hand is grabbed and enclosed in Aragorn's as he pulls me along behind him.

The chamber is larger than I had imagined and stuffier if possible. The films did not do justice to the terrible smell of death and fear that clung to every surface and seemed to linger in the air and it is all I can do to fight the overwhelming urge to vomit as the battle loomed over me like a heavy cloud.

"We cannot linger here," Legolas is saying urgently to Aragorn and I see them both glance over to me and I suddenly realise what Pippin is about to do and rush towards him to stop him from dropping the skeleton down the well not caring about the consequences at that moment, my fear making me selfish but Gandalf's arm on mine stops me and I look up into his face my own eyes pleading with him and he lets go suddenly but it is too late.

The crash is so loud that I feel as though it makes my very bones rattle and my legs nearly buckle as the banging of the drums begins to pulse and echo through the chamber. I watch in detached awe as the fellowship move around me. Legolas, Aragorn and Boromir quickly begin to block the door as Gimli readies himself and Gandalf pushes the hobbits towards the back of the room and positions himself in front of them. I realise now, that if I live through this, I would never again read about battles like this and glamourize them in my head. There was nothing romantic or simply dramatic about this. There was only fear. Insane, unadulterated terror that pumped through every vein in my body like fire and dulled every sense just when I needed them the most.

"Finley!" the voice is so loud that I suddenly realise that Aragorn is standing before me and had obviously said my name a few times.

"I cannot do this," I choke out half sobbing the words and his hands are suddenly holding my face gently in them as he shakes head almost sadly.

"You must be strong nessa er, stay behind Gandalf and remember your training, we will protect you," he says although I know that if it came down to it both he and Legolas would have no choice but to sacrifice me to save Frodo and so I nod and closing my eyes I try to take a deep breath to steady myself but all this does is cause another wave of nausea to rush through me as I breathed in the death in the air. So I settled for merely stumbling backwards and pulling out my sword holding it in shaking hands.

"It will be okay Finley, we'll look after you," Merry says and I offer him a watery smile as thanks before focusing my attention on the wave of goblins pouring through the doorway.

The smell is so powerful it very nearly knocks me out as I struggle to stay conscious and alert and ready to attack. It is like, well, I can only imagine it is what a pile of rotting corpses would smell like if left in the sun in an enclosed space for several days. Every one of my senses seems to be overwhelmed with the horror of these things and I can't understand how I am the only one not nearly dying simply from being in close proximity to them. It takes several minutes for me to focus on the events unfolding and piece it together in my brain. Another thing I was learning quickly here was that sitting at home under a duvet or on the sofa it is very easy to work out how to change events, to save people and stay safe yourself but being in the middle of this I could barely think let alone plan and I was rapidly running out of the beginner's luck of being invisible. Eventually, I decide that I would use the luck I was having, that of being ignored, and help Aragorn get to Frodo, at least it might mean that Frodo doesn't have to get stabbed, maybe that way I could save some suffering. I move quickly through the shadows at the edge of the room trying not to look too closely at the troll that came crashing into the room, bringing with it another stench that nearly knocked my off my feet and I couldn't stop myself gagging this time doubled over as it hits me.

"Finely," the voice is strained as it shouts and looking up I know that Aragorn is warning me to get back I also know however that he is about to be knocked out and so taking a deep breath and, hoping to hell that this isn't going to hurt as much as I knew it probably would, I jump forwards pushing him aside and a second later feeling something heavy connect with my side so heavily that my breath is ripped from me even as I am lifted into the air, before the wall meets me and blissful numbness washes through me.


	9. Chapter 9

**A bit of an angsty chapter here but hopefully something to keep you reading for a little while at least. Remember I am still up for pairing suggestions etc as I am yet to discover where this story is leading me unlike my others which tend to have an end point to work towards.**

"Tarien… Finley… Fin, wake up," the voice is quiet and muffled and it takes me a while to focus on it and open my eyes, everything blurry and fuzzy for a few seconds and I have to blink several times before Aragorn and Legolas' faces appear before me.

"Why did you do that nessa er, you could have been killed?" Aragorn says and he sounds angry and scared and proud all at the same time.

"Had to, Frodo, you had to stop him from being stabbed," I whisper back hoarsely and they both look shocked for a second before Legolas moves to speak.

"Come to the bridge," Gandalf yells and before either one of them can say anything I am struggling to my feet hissing and groaning at the pain it causes and then they are both half running half supporting and dragging me along behind the rest of the fellowship as we flee.

By the time we stop and are being caged in I barely have the energy to be scared anymore I am so focussed on the pain that is pulsing quite freely through my entire body. I have definitely cracked at least a couple of ribs I think and if the nausea and pounding fuzziness in my head is anything to go by then a fairly heavy concussion is also a certainty. I also think I may have dislocated my shoulder again as it hangs uselessly by my side causing agony every time I move or breath.

"Tarien," Legolas queries in an almost panicked voice, so much for the cool aloofness of elves, and I glance up at him before quickly looking away too aware of the fact that he would be able to read my pain far too easily.

"Mm… fine," I manage after a second and luckily we are interrupted before he can say anything further.

"Run," Gandalf cries and before I can do anything we are sprinting and I am just thankful that the occasional whimper of pain that escapes me is covered up by the pounding of our feet on the stone floors.

The fact that I know we are running towards a death defying leap and a battle with a Balroq which will take Gandalf's life makes it even worse. I had thought that knowing what was to happen would make it easier but I couldn't have been more wrong. It is as I am thinking about this that we come to a stop and I swallow a scream as Legolas leaps across the gap in the stairway. I know that he will make it, I have read and seen it a hundred times but it doesn't make the fear that he won't any less real. Before I can gather my sense's, I feel two strong hands grasp my face and pull my attention.

"Finley listen you must jump," Aragorn is saying urgently to me and I baulk at the thought,

"I can't," I whisper immediately panic consuming me completely every part of me trembling.

"You must, I shall toss you and Legolas shall catch you," he says spinning me to face the gap and I can see the others waiting, realising that the others are all there. Wait a minute, they are all there including Frodo but he is supposed to be here when… the ground shakes beneath us and I scream aloud in terror as the steps we are on crumble forcing Aragorn to grab me and roughly pull me up a few steps beside him.

"We shall never make it," he whispers desperately and his own fear seeps into his voice causing my heart to constrict painfully. Come on Finley, remember, fucking use your head, I scream at myself.

"Lean forward… we have to lean forward," I gasp out and he looks at me in slight shock for a second before gripping me to him tightly and obeying. My scream of terror is caught in my throat as we pitch forward and I feel as though I am on the worst and most terrifying roller coaster ride with no way off and a broken track until I find myself in strong arms. I cling desperately to the person who has caught me barely able to breathe and unable to let go.

"Come tarien, we must move," Legolas yells as he grabs my hand in his and pulls me away from Boromir, who it seems had caught me I realise with a slight blush despite everything.

We run faster than I had believed I was capable of, flying over the bridge as if it were a wide walkway, although I think that maybe it is for the best because had I been given a chance to assess the situation the only way you would have got me over there is unconscious.

"YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS!" Gandalf's scream pulls me from my mind and I scream out as I dart forward and towards him,

"It is okay tarien, he is well," Legolas tries to tell me as he grabs me and holds me back from reaching Gandalf.

"No he isn't he will…" but it is too late he has been dragged off the edge and into the abyss and I am being dragged away and into the light.

I had spent the last few days praying and wishing with every fibre within me, to be in the light again, to be above ground again and now that I was, I wished I was back in there if it would make this go away. As soon as we exit, Legolas practically throws me to the ground and walks away without looking back at me and before I can get to my feet again Aragorn is standing in front of me barely concealed rage plastered across his face, worse than ever before even when we first met.

"You let him die," he snarls at me and I flinch visibly sickness rushing through me as I see the truth in his words.

"He… I… I could not…" I stutter out words in a voice that is suddenly tiny and trail off having nothing to say.

"I was right from the beginning we should never have trusted you," he spits before moving away and leaving me gasping for breath.

I feel as though my stomach has dropped as it does on a roller coaster, only, I haven't got it back yet because I am still falling. I knew that this would happen, I had always known but I had so hoped Gandalf would be right when he said they would understand that I hadn't let myself linger on it. Now… now I had nothing left. This was worse than anything else had ever been because I had never had anything tangible and real to care about and protect before and I had gained it in finding the fellowship. A painful sensation in my chest brings my awareness back to the fact that I had lost them all and I fight the tears that are beginning to stream steadily down my face as I trail along behind them. None of them checking on me, none of them caring more than to make sure I was not leading more enemies towards them. How had I gone from having not only friendship but possible affection from two of those to complete hatred? I sigh and then think of Frodo and gulp back my tears. I was here for him, I was here to save Middle Earth, my life didn't matter, it never did. That's something else I have learnt in the last few weeks; no matter how much you think you will easily sacrifice yourself for a good cause, one you believe is, those you love, it is a whole lot harder when it is happening to you and you are in those moments.

"Keep up I will not have you sneaking off to tell the enemy of our position," Aragorn growls suddenly and I wince again fresh pain washing through me as he stares at me with more hatred and distrust than he ever had only now I had no one to help because they all believed him, just as I told Gandalf they would.

The calmness of the woods does nothing to still the guilt and fear and anguish that roiled around inside me and so I am silent and keep my eyes upon the ground as the events unfold. Never looking up, never making a sound and trying my best to be invisible until we find ourselves lined before the lord and lady of the woods and her voice is in my head.

"Please do not berate yourself so child, they will understand in time," I look up at her then and shake my head a little.

"They will never trust me again," I think to her sadly and she smiles a little.

"You will earn it back," she replies and then she is gone and we are shown to the area we would stay in and I quickly move away from the others and find a little patch of ground under a tree and, hidden in its roots, I fold myself up and I cry, rocking back and forth as I try to muffle my sobs and I don't stop crying until my eyes grow heavy and exhaustion settles in my bones.

Sitting up I am gasping for breath and a little whimper escapes me. A mix of fear left over from the nightmare and pain that movement had caused me.

"Finley," the voice is quiet and I allow a minute to focus on the figure before me a tiny gasp escasping me as I see Frodo standing there.

"Frodo…" I begin not knowing what to say and so trailing off as I wait for him to speak to me.

"What the others are saying… about Gandalf… is it true?" he asks in a whisper and I stare at him for a long time before I answer.

"I know a lot about the future of Middle Earth Frodo, including the knowledge that Gandalf would fall but I need you to know that I tried to save him, if I could have told anyone I would have you have to know I would have," I plead suddenly on my knees in front of him and it is only now that I notice the figure standing behind you.

"You carry a great burden with you Finley as Frodo does," Lady Galadriel says softly and we both look up at her before Frodo turns back to me.

"I think you are very brave Finley and I believe you," he says eventually and I choke out a sob of relief.

"Really?" I ask in a watery voice and he nods offering me a small smile and stepping forward to wrap his hands around my neck and hug me, an action that makes my body shudder with supressed grief and anguish.

"We must stick together, all of us, and besides I saw you try to help him and you saved my life," he says and I nod a tiny amount as I watch him walk away back towards the others.

"You will travel on from this place with the others," Galadriel says to me now and I shake my head a little.

"I can't… they won't want me to… they hate me… I was only ever supposed to come this far," I stutter out in a rush and she smiles although there is a sadness behind it that makes me want to shiver.

"Frodo wants you to and so to will the others come to want you with them," she replies and I know that she knows that I don't believe her but there seems little point in going around in circles.

"Do you know why I am here?" I ask instead and she pauses for a while watching the stars in the sky as we sit in silence for so long I begin to think she didn't hear my question but eventually, she turns to me.

"I think that the Valar have brought you here to assist us in this war, you could be a great weapon Finley you have power that even you are yet to be aware of," she says and I simply gape at her in shock.

"How do I get home?" I ask,

"You wish to go home?" she asks and I almost laugh,

"No," I say immediately, "I think maybe I meant will I be sent home?" I say rephrasing my question.

"No," she says quietly, "I think the Valar searched long and hard for someone before finding you,"

"But why me? I am not special, I have no skill, there are thousands of others in my world who know more than I do, can speak Elvish and can fight with weapons," I am beginning to become frustrated now and my grief, my anxiety is turning into anger until she places a calming hand on my shoulder.

"As I said Finley, you have power you are yet to discover, and whilst you may not be the most skilled in language or weaponry, you have courage beyond that of most men,"

"I don't…" I start but she interrupts me quickly.

"If you knew that your presence on the next part of this journey would save the lives of those on it would you go despite them shunning you?" she asks me and I nod quickly.

"Of course," I say,

"Then that is courage child, tell me if you saw Aragorn or Legolas in danger what would you do?" she asks and I have to take a minute to quell the sickness that rises in me at the mention of their names along with the squeezing of my heart.

"I would do what I could to help," I say in a tiny voice.

"Just as you did for Aragorn and Frodo in the mines," she says, "do not doubt your bravery Finley, and do not doubt them, they will come back to you in the end," she says and I sigh sadly and smile at her.

"Thank you for your help," I say despite feeling that I am merely left with more questions and not so many answers at all.

"You will build a life her Finley and whatever happens it will be better than the life you lived before," she says simply as she moves to leave, "get some rest you leave at daybreak," she says as she reaches the edge of the clearing I am in and I nod even as she disappears and sink back into my previous position trying to work out what to do and how to feel.


	10. Chapter 10

As the sun rises the next morning I stretch out my stiff limbs and give a tiny thankful smile for the fact that Galadriel had sent an elf back to me with bandages and healing potions of some kind as I feel almost certain that if I could not have carried on without being healed, for the most part at least. I was still sore and my shoulder ached but the paste they had given me had worked miracles and so too had it worked on my ribs and the other cuts and bruises. I actually seem to heal very quickly here, much more so than I ever did at home, actually I barely seemed to have a bruise for more than a day before it was gone, I should probably have to ask some more questions about that at some point.

"My lady they are waiting," a voice says and I lock those thoughts away for later and concentrate on what faced me now and taking a deep breath I turn and nod before following the elf down to the water's edge where the rest of the fellowship wait.

I hesitate as I see them stiffen at the sight of me and the way that both Aragorn and Legolas avoid my gaze completely but harden my resolve and step forward coming to stand beside Frodo.

"Finley," I look up hearing the voice and see Lady Galadriel standing before me smiling sadly and I gulp a little. "You face decisions in your future that could change the lives of thousands but remember sometimes saving the lives of those close by could also be important. Trust in your instinct, it will not lead you astray, may this help you in your quest," she finishes handing me a beautifully ornate sword and I bow a slight curtsy to her. Well that was insanely cryptic and no help whatsoever, I understand nothing of what she just said other than the fact that my instinct has rarely been correct. I look up as she laughs suddenly and realise with sudden embarrassment and shame that she can hear everything that I am thinking. Bollocks!

"Sorry," I whisper in my head to her and she shakes her head.

"They avoid your eye because they are guilty, they know they were wrong to treat you so but their grief made them behave irrationally, just give them time, you were not wrong to trust them," she thinks to me and I blush again feeling the sting of tears in my eyes as their rejection of me rushes back over me.

Taking a shuddering breath I steel myself and walk purposefully towards the boats we would be travelling in and as soon as I get there both Legolas and Aragorn jump into boats so that there is no room for me and I sigh as I turn to Boromir who looks upon me with some kindness for the first time although it is twinned with pity and his own troubles.

"Here my lady you shall ride with me," he says offering me his hand and I offer him a small smile in return as I step into the boat and take a seat. We float along the river in silence for a long time and I have a chance to ponder the recent events. I had heard that time moved differently in the Lothlorien forest but it seems rushed, I can't quite put my finger on it but it felt like something had changed and originally the fellowship should have rested there longer. Could it be that my presence here was changing the course of the future even if I wasn't trying to do anything? Would the outcome of the war be altered too? But I couldn't panic, the Valar had brought me here, that's what Galadriel said so it must be going the right way. I sigh again as I think about it all and wished beyond anything that I could speak to Legolas or Aragorn about how I felt, even if I couldn't tell them anything about what was to happen just them being close to me made me feel better, made me feel safer.

"For what it is worth my lady I believe you did what you had to and I hold no grudge," Boromir says quietly and I spin to look at him in shock.

"Of all the people to be on my side I would have thought of you the last," I whisper and he shakes his head sadly.

"I have not shown myself in a very good light to you have I?" he says after a while and I smile a little at him, tears prickling in my eyes.

"It is okay, I know you are a good man and a brave and honourable one," I answer and he gazes at me for a while before smiling a tiny amount at me.

"You are a wise woman my lady," he says after a moment and I laugh a little, albeit quietly and without much mirth.

"I think you are being too generous and please, my name is Fin, I am no lady," I say and it is his turn to shake his head.

"You say you are not a lady and yet you show the qualities of one quite often despite being from another land," he says quietly before a noise catches our attention and we both look up to see Aragorn looking across at us with a very odd expression on his face until he sees me looking that is and quickly looks away again. "Men are stupid Fin," Boromir whispers to me now before glancing in the other direction and following his gaze I see Legolas also staring at us both, turning his gaze away as soon as it meets mine. "Even elves, they will come around and realise their stupidity soon," he finishes and I duck my head shaking it a little.

"It is okay Boromir, thank you for your kindness but I have never had anyone in my life before that has been consistently kind and caring, why should I expect it to be different here?" I say and we fall silent again as we row into the night and through to the next morning.

The journey takes us three days and by the time we reach the statues and are pulling into the banks of the river I have made two very important decision. Firstly, I would not let Boromir die here, I would do whatever I could to save him, although I'm not quite sure how and secondly, I would prove to Legolas and Aragorn and the others that I could be trusted and that it wasn't my fault that Gandalf fell.

I sit alone separated from the others as I watch them; Sam trying to make Frodo eat, Aragorn and Boromir arguing and Legolas keeping watch while Gimli, Merry and Pippin organise food. It is sometime later that I notice Legolas speaking urgently with Aragorn and realising where we are in the story I jump up quietly with my sword in hand and rush in the direction I think Frodo and Boromir have gone. Thankfully it does not take me long to find them, maybe the Valar are on my side this time. I take a second to catch my breath and figure out what to do whilst sheathing my sword, I could not fight him in that way if he was not in his right mind he would kill me in seconds.

"Boromir," I scream as I rush forwards just as Frodo manages to slip away. The man roars and rounds on me, delivering a blow to my face strong enough to make me see stars and knock me off my feet.

"Whore," he bellows advancing on me again but before he reaches me he seems to come out of a daze and falls to his knees instead.

"Oh Fin, Valar what have I done? I…" he trails off in despair and my heart breaks for him as my resolve to save him this day strengthens.

"It was not you Boromir, it was the ring, come we must hurry the enemy is upon us we must try to save Pippin and Merry," I plead and although he hesitates and looks upon me with something akin to anguish as he gazes at what I guess must be a fairly nasty mark across my face, if the stinging was anything to go by, he eventually nods and stands helping me to my feet to and letting me lead the way.

I knew that this enemy was different, bigger, stronger, smarter, I had read about them often enough, seen them often enough. Nothing though, prepared me for the terror that swept through me as I saw them below us when we crest the hill and break through a particularly dense thicket of trees. It's strange but as Boromir squeezes my arm before letting out a battle cry and charging forward with me close behind him, my own sword held out in shaking hands, the only thing that was running through my head was that, if I was to survive this, I am not sure I would ever be brave enough to even be at Helms Deep. The clash of Boromir's sword against theirs and the sound of his horn being blown pull me from my mind and back into the present and I let out what I hope is my own battle cry but what is more likely a terrified yelp I attempt to fight too.

It is very difficult to fight and keep one eye on a hill so that you can try and stop a massive, ugly, Uruk Hai from killing someone, especially if you are not very good. My heart nearly explodes as I see the creature and just as he aims and I see him shoot I jump in front of Boromir. Not the best plan I know but I couldn't come up with anything else. The creature lets out a bellow that almost drowns out my scream of pain and it takes me a while to work out why until I see him aim again and I glance to Boromir still distracted by his own fight, blowing on his horn again and I find myself praying for Legolas and Aragorn to arrive. I can barely feel anything, numbness taking over even as pain simultaneously pulses through me, an odd feeling that makes no sense but it's the only way I can describe it. I look back towards the creature on the hill and everything seems to slow down. If I didn't do something Boromir would still die, I had taken one arrow for him but it was not enough, he would be killed by this next one of that I am sure and so as it is released I stand somehow and step in front of it as it embeds itself in my shoulder just below the first. This time the pain causes my legs to crumple and my vision to blur, my entire body numb and paralysed as I watch what unfolds around me. I see Merry and Pippin being taken, Boromir fighting, just as it should be only with him uninjured but then something strange happens, I hear one of them yell about taking me alive and the one who had shot me saying something about making sure I was dead if they could not take me and then everything goes out of focus very quickly and the whole world seems to tilt slightly.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Okay so first up thanks for the reviews especially** ** _Woman of Letters,_** **you have really helped keep me motivated and on track and giving me some really great ideas.**

 **Also I need help, I have no idea to pair my oc with, do I go Legolas, Aragorn, both of them or someone entirely different? Thanks guys :)**

"Finley, fin please… oh vanima er you must wake," the voice is so familiar that it is like warm chocolate spreading through me as it seeps into my consciousness. God I miss chocolate, I struggle for a long while to open my eyes but eventually I do and as I do so I see Aragorn's face above mine where it is quickly joined by Legolas'.

"What happened… oh Valar, tarien what has happened?" Legolas exclaims falling to his knees on the other side of me.

"I saved Boromir," I mutter hoarsely, "I could not save Gandalf but I thought I might be able to stop Boromir dying without it altering too much," I break off coughing and then screaming as the coughing pulls on the deep arrow wounds in my shoulder, "Please… get them out," I cry and I can't bear to look at the anguish on their faces.

"What are we to do?" Boromir asks from slightly behind Aragorn, where he is standing with Gimli.

"We dress her wounds and then we go in search of the others," Aragorn says and as I listen it suddenly occurs to me that they are talking of splitting up to go off after the hobbits separately.

"No," I rasp and they all stop and turn to me as I try in vain to sit up only to cry out in pain again and sink back to the floor. "Frodo and Sam must continue on their own, we are to go after Merry and Pippin but I think you must leave me, I cannot run and you must if you are to catch them," I say and they stare in open shock for a minute or two before all moving in on me again.

"Don't be ridiculous girlie," Gimli almost laughs as Boromir says something similar.

"You have proved your worth there is no need to be a martyr," Aragorn says gently and a sudden anger rushes through me making me temporarily forget my pain,

"I am not being a bloody martyr," I shout in indignation, "I am just stating facts, Boromir should have died, I don't know why I haven't yet but I do know that I cannot run and you have to if you are to catch up with the beasts who took Merry and Pippin," I am wheezing by now and the pain is back in full force, so strong that it is making black spots dance before my eyes but even so the lasting humiliation and hurt is still there and I pull away from both Aragorn and Legolas.

"Tarien…" Legolas starts picking my hand up in his but I snatch it away quickly despite the stabbing sensation this causes in my shoulder.

"Don't, either of you, how dare you… men… you're all the same, you cannot now start being kind again just because I am wounded, you hated me an hour ago… I cannot… I am not well enough to deal with you…" I break off refusing to meet their gazes as I think finally coming up with a plan, and a small smile appears on my lips as I realise I can use my knowledge to my advantage at least a tiny amount. "Gimli," I say looking up at him and deliberately not addressing the other two sitting beside me, "you and Aragorn and Legolas must track the Uruk Hai and look for Merry and Pippin, Boromir will help me and we shall meet you, trust me I know the path you shall take I can use my knowledge to our advantage for the first time," I smile and eventually they concede, leaving bandages and paste and herbs for Boromir and instructing him to guard my life which makes him quite angry too which makes me want to laugh again but I am tired now, too tired and in too much pain and when he turns to me again once they are gone he looks concerned as his hand finds my forehead and then both hands rush to pull out the arrows and stem the bleeding. I am just thankful that the darkness takes me before the second arrow is removed.

The world seems to ebb and flow, a series of colours and images and sounds. I have no idea how much time has passed or how far we have travelled, I know only that I can't seem to stop shivering and yet feeling far too hot at the same time and I know that it's not good. I know that I need some antibiotics and I could do with a series dose of morphine too and for the first time I both miss the world I was from and genuinely fear for my life. It's funny really, ever since I got here I have been terrified of dying, of going home, of pretty much everything and yet at the same time I had believed that they would save me, a little bit of me had believed that the stories were true and that the men here were super human in their ability to save the world and helpless little me. How disillusioned I had been. Yet at the same time I was scared at how easily my heart would still probably forgive them if they asked it of me, Oh I could really do with some real medicine and sleep before I was driven insane.

"Where are we?" I murmur as I feel Boromir set me down on the ground,

"We are but a few hours walk from Edoras, we shall be there soon Fin, you just need to hold on for me," he replies quietly and I feel his hand against my head again and shiver violently against the chills running through me.

"I'm fine," I whisper attempting to smile whilst still unable to open my eyes but I don't need to, to know that his face is serious and there is no mirth in his eyes.

"You are burning with fever Fin, the paste and herbs are doing little to heal you and it has been several days already," he says almost to himself.

"I'm dying aren't I?" I say and the shivering grows more violent again as I feel him pull a thin blanket more tightly round me.

"I shall not let you die Fin, I need but a few minutes rest and then we shall be on the move again.

"Maybe this is the way it was meant to be," I muse half to myself, "You were supposed to die so I should die, it would be better that way, you can do a lot more to help save this world, maybe that is why the Valar brought me here,"

"You must not speak like this Fin, Aragorn and Legolas would be beyond helping if you were to perish," he says immediately.

"They would be fine, they barely even like me," I say in a whisper now.

"For someone who claims to know so much of our world there are certainly gaping holes in your knowledge, especially when it comes to elves and the dundien," he says almost sternly and I mull over this for a while but am too tired to respond and so just let myself drift back into a restless sleep.

The next time I awake I am aware of a lot of noise and struggle to open my eyes, finding that even with them open and daylight clearly surrounding us, everything is blurry and I can't work out why.

"Boromir," I whisper cringing inwardly and the weakness in my own voice.

"We are here Fin and it looks like the others are here too," he is saying,

"That's good," I manage before the darkness takes me again. Softness surrounds me and I feel clean. I get that it's a weird thing to say but when you've been trekking around in the open for days and weeks on end not showering or bathing and then you fight and become covered in blood and sweat both you and the enemy you can feel it and it's disgusting. But this feeling of cleanliness is as close to heaven as I could imagine being and the pain that had been so strong was now no more than a dull ache that ran through me and whilst I still felt exhausted I could see things clearly when I opened my eyes which was more than a little reassuring.

"Awake at last my friend, I was worried for a moment I was too late," a voice says from the corner and looking over a smile spreads across my face.

"Gandalf, I have missed you a lot you know," I say and he chuckles as he sits and smokes his pipe, "so how is it being Gandalf the White?" I ask after a moment and quirks an eyebrow at me before laughing again.

"I am very well but I cannot stay long," he replies and I sigh a little,

"You must ride out soon to find Eomer," I say and he nods before gesturing someone forward and I turn to see Aragorn and Legolas standing in the doorway with a tray of food. I look away quickly not ready to see or speak to either of them despite the fact that I know very well that we could die, well I could die, at any moment and I should not hold grudges but I was still very confused about… well, about everything.

"Where is Boromir?" I ask instead, ignoring the two of them as they set down a tray of food and stand awkwardly.

"He is well my friend and is resting also," Gandalf answers, "I must speak to the king, you have much to discuss," he adds as he gets up and is gone before I can reply and so I huff a small sigh and stare up at the ceiling waiting for the two of them to say something.

"Fin…" Aragorn starts at the same time as Legolas says,

"Tarien,"

"Please," I say stopping them both, "please don't, I am too tired to hear this," I say trying my best to keep my composure.

"But I… we…" Aragorn tries again so I hold up a hand to him and he stops again.

"You blamed me, you never tried to understand what happened and I don't hate you for that, I even sort of understand it but I am not ready to forgive it," I whisper proud that my voice didn't break and that I haven't broken down in tears in front of them.

"I am sorry tarien…" Legolas begins trailing off as he struggles to find something to say but instead he turns and leaves looking dejected and fairly anguished actually which confuses me slightly as does the same expression being on Aragorn's face before he also leaves. I know I don't have the best track record with men but come on! I mean the Valar drag me over from my world, in a very painful manner might I add, then they make sure nothing is bloody easy or as it is supposed to be and then just when it looks like not one but two men quite like me and I am in danger of becoming some kind of Mary Sue, they conveniently hate me until I prove them wrong and now I kind of hate them a little bit. Well HO-FUCKING-RAY life is just a barrel of laughs at the moment.

I spend most of the afternoon intermittently sulking and sleeping until a knock on my door alerts me that Boromir is outside and I smile for the first time since I awoke and saw Gandalf as he walks in.

"How are you Fin?" he asks gently and I smile at him.

"Almost as good as new…" I start until I see his frown and smile a little feeling a slight blush rise on my cheeks, "I am weak still but no longer in pain," I amend and he smiles too.

"Well that is good, I wish that you could spend longer in bed recovering but…"  
"Gandalf has already left then and we are to make for Helm's Deep?" I ask and he nods only mild surprise showing on his face now, they seem to at least be getting used to me knowing what is going to happen.

"He did ask one thing of you though," he says shifting uncomfortably and I have an uneasy feeling I know what it is.

"What?" I ask and he does not quite meet my eye as he clears his throat to speak.

"He asks that you make peace with Legolas and Aragorn before we leave, he says you know what we face and so you should be prepared," I sigh at this knowing that it is the truth but not liking it and so I just nod a little and he takes the hint before getting up to fetch the two of them.

"Boromir," I say as he is about to leave and he turns back to me stopping in the doorway.

"What is it my little friend?" he smiles and I blush again at the nickname,

"You were supposed to die back there and I… well, I… Gandalf was right obviously I do know what we face and I know what should happen to everyone, except you and I and so… be careful I don't want to have gone through all of this just to lose you in a few days time," I stutter and he smiles.

"Finley, you have given me the chance to fight and regain my honour I could have asked for no greater gift and will do everything I can to protect you,"  
"I don't want you to protect me," I protest, "I want you to stay alive so that you may see your brother again and help to protect him," I say and he smiles.

"You have a big heart my friend, I can make no promises in this war but I will do my best," he smiles as he exits and I have but a moment to prepare myself before there is another knock on the door and Aragorn and Legolas enter both shamefaced and awkward looking.

"Let me speak first," I say the second they are inside and the door shut and they both nod and sit quietly in the chairs on either side of the bed, silently waiting for me to speak. "I have spoken to you both about my past what I have never spoken to you about is my history with men, I mean my romantic history," I stutter blushing furiously and then taking a moment to compose myself. "I mean, well, it hasn't been very good, much like the rest of my life, I seem to have a habit of choosing men who either stray too easily or who prefer to keep my in line using their fists," I pause again as I hear the slight growl from both man and elf and I have to remind myself that I don't like either of them at the moment as my heart clearly wanted to jump into forgiveness far too easily, bloody useless organ. "Anyway when I came here I was so confused and when you both started speaking to me and looking at me as if you… as if you cared, I couldn't understand it, I couldn't believe it and just when I was beginning to think that my second chance could be something really special you abandoned me at the first hurdle," I almost want to laugh at the expressions on their faces at my reference to hurdles but don't instead I just sigh heavily. "You knew that I couldn't tell you anything, you both heard Gandalf tell me not to tell you anything, surely you are clever enough to have worked that out but you just turned your backs on me and I don't know how I am supposed to forgive that. How do I trust you not to turn your backs on me again?" I finish and they are silent for a long time.

"We were wrong tarien," Legolas says eventually and Aragorn sighs heavily through his nose before speaking.

"You changed everything, when you crashed into our lives and into the fellowship you changed everything and it was… a struggle to work things out, to work feelings out," he breaks off and I feel myself flush, not quite as eloquent as the stories make out, I mean he is almost saying that this whole thing is my fault right? I am pulled back into the present by Legolas beginning to speak.

"I have never before been confronted by death like that, not of someone I was close too, not since I was an elfling and too young to understand it and I was confused and lost. We were both grieving and concerned for your safety and… we realised as soon as we had calmed that we were in the wrong but did not know how to make things right," as he finishes speaking a silence falls over us all as I think over what they have said.

"I don't understand," I say eventually,

"What is it you don't understand vanima er?" Aragorn says and I look at him for a while before turning my gaze to Legolas.

"What is it you want from me?" I ask eventually.

"I want you safe and happy, I want your heart as you have mine," Legolas says immediately and I nearly stop breathing.

"As you have mine too," Aragorn says and I actually do stop breathing at this point, oh this was all wrong, what the fuck was I supposed to do now.

"I can't… what the… Oh… what…" I stutter out random words unable to work out what to say or do.

"I am sorry vanima, we did not mean to upset you," Aragorn says and I can hear the regret in his voice and it almost makes me want to cry, these men were seriously messing up my emotions!

"I just don't understand how you are talking like this is normal, in my world you'd be like fighting with each other or trying to out do each other or something," I say and they both smile a little which really infuriates me.

"We have fought tarien, a lot, but there is a war on and your happiness and safety are more important," Legolas says quietly and I put my head in my hands for a moment as I try to think.

"I can't make a decision like this right now, it's impossible you two are impossible, what kind of a decision is it anyway, if I chose you," I break off looking at Legolas, "I will get old and I'll die and you will wither too and I could not do that, you need someone immortal and beautiful like you. And if I chose you," I turn to Aragorn now, "You will become… I will never be worthy of who you are and you are destined for, you are supposed to be with someone else and the people of… no one will understand," I break off shaking my head in despair and frustration. "This is crazy, I'm supposed to be mad at you right now and all I'm doing is telling you how I am not worthy of either of you,"

"Tarien, none of what you are saying is true but you are right this is not the time for that, just… can we be friends before we ride out again?" Legolas asks and I sigh again before offering him a tiny smile,

"Okay," I say in a whisper, "I am tired of being angry when there is so much to concentrate on,"

"Vanima, we shall earn your trust back, I will never let you down again I swear it, your friendship means everything to me," Aragorn says and I smile at him too.

"Okay but please, can we take this slowly, I am not sure what to think or to feel at the moment," I say and they both smile and nod their heads looking years younger, "what do the elvish words you keep saying to me mean?" I ask as they stand.

"Now is not the time, get ready, we ride out in a couple of hours," Legolas says and then they are gone and I throw myself back onto the pillows and stare at the ceiling for a second before grabbing a pillow and putting it over my face scream into it in frustration and confusion.


	12. Chapter 12

**Well the people have spoken and so hopefully this will begin to set my oc on the right path, although it is turning out to be a bit of a slow burn. As much of one as I can manage anyway I am very impatient like that. As always thanks so much for the kind words and suggestions and any more ideas or suggestions you have for me let me know!**

The ride is long and incredibly boring and tiring. I spend a lot of my time sitting in front of Boromir sleeping or thinking about Aragorn and Legolas, trying to work out what to do, what to feel. The truth is I felt strange around both of them, they confused me a lot being both protective and irritating, caring and rude, both handsome in different ways.

"Boromir," I whisper after many hours of silence once I realise that I wouldn't be sleeping until my brain had sorted itself out a bit.

"Yes my little friend," he replies,

"Who do you think I am better suited to, Legolas or Aragorn?" I ask, very glad that I am facing away from so I can't see the amusement that I can sense is on his face and he can't see the blush blooming across mine.

"So they are fighting for your heart then?" he asks with a chuckle and I shake my head immediately.

"I don't think it's like that," I reply quietly and then sigh heavily, "maybe it is the war, the thought of death and the fact that I am the only woman around," I add and he laughs even more.

"For one so clever and with so much knowledge you are incredibly blind to the things going on around you my friend," he laughs and I turn slightly to look at him.

"What do you mean?" I ask and he simply points to Aragorn some way ahead of us and the way he is speaking to Eowyn, she has yet to take her eyes from him and it causes a flash of jealousy to roll through me but as I continue to watch them I notice that whilst he is pleasant to her and answers her questions he does not seem very interested in her and I notice he glances back this way more than once.

"I would suggest that as long as you all know where you stand you should enjoy what time we have, any of us could be taken at any time during this war," Boromir says and I almost choke as he does so, well that's one more thing that the stories lied about, I mean I know that Aragorn was not as prudish and innocent as a lot of the stories made out but this, I was not expecting him to suggest that fuck buddies was a thing here.

"Are you suggesting…?" I ask in a whisper and then feel my face flush furiously as it is Legolas who answers from beside me.

"He did not mean to alarm you tarien, in Middle Earth, it is quite normal for people of all races to enjoy the pleasures of the body before marriage but if it is unlike that in your world…"

"No," I interrupt, fully aware that my face is flaming and his proximity is making me feel uncomfortable and giddy all at once, "no, it is normal, more than normal in my world it is just that the stories I have read about your world, well, it made it seem as if that was not the case here," he nods and gives me a small smirk before riding off to catch up with Aragorn which makes me flush even more and bury my head in my hands I am just grateful that we stop shortly after to make camp and I am able to find a little space to myself to sit and calm myself down.

It is as I am staring around at the activity going on around me that I am suddenly struck by the thought that if things were so different could the story be different, have I learnt the wrong one? Has my coming here changed it all?

"Fin," the voice is quiet and I start a little as I turn to see Aragorn sitting beside me and offering me some lembas bread.

"Thanks," I say as I take it, "where is Legolas?" I ask after a moment.

"He is patrolling for enemies," he replies and I nod as we fall into a silence for a while, "what has you thinking so that you are frowning like that?" he asks after a minute and I turn to face him.

"I was thinking about whether I really know anything about what is to happen," I say and he pauses before turning to face me more fully.

"Why do you question yourself?" he asks as he takes my hand in his so gently that I am struck by the comparison between the way he is now and the way he treated me when we first met and for a moment I cannot speak.

"All the big things, the battles, the… deaths I have been right about but everything else, all the details I am wrong about," I say in a voice that is shaky and worried and that in itself makes me cringe a little, how I hated appearing weak and yet I had down little but appear that way to these people.

"What do you believe in your heart vanima? What do you feel?" he asks now and I realise with a start that he is impossibly close his hand somehow has made its way into my hair, the fingers of his other hand tracing the features of my face and I gulp a little not knowing what to do. Before I can move though his lips are against mine and it's… nice. I don't know what I was expecting really, I mean God knows I get that romance isn't all massive gestures and butterflies and fireworks, I had been through enough shitty relationships to know that but still, I expected… well, something.

"I…" I don't know what to say as we break apart and for a moment I am completely lost for words until I pull my hands away from his chest where they have found themselves and my finger gets caught in the chain around his neck. The chain around his neck… it's "the Evenstar," I murmur out loud as I stare at it and then up at him. Maybe I hadn't fucked this up too much, maybe there was a way out of it. "Tell me, how did that feel?" I ask almost animatedly, moving so that I am on my knees before him now.

"It was… it was nice," he says quietly his eyes now darting between me and the Evenstar hanging around his neck.

"Tell me why did you kiss me?" I ask him now and his hand moves to rub the back of his neck as he tries to think of an answer.

"Arwen has… I thought that, as you reminded me of her so and you are beautiful that you may be able to…" he trails off and so I finish for him.

"Replace her, or at least the gap she has left," I say and he nods, "I think perhaps you should not give up on her so quickly," I say with a smile and he sighs a little as he shakes his head at this.

"She has sailed," he says sadly,

"But I cannot replace her, it is not the same is it?" I ask and he shakes his head again.

"I have treated you badly again my friend can you forgive me?" he asks and I smile at him before I pull him into a hug.

"On two conditions," I say and he smiles at me,

"What are this conditions nessa er?" he asks and I sit back a little feeling suddenly nervous,  
"First I want you to agree to be my best friend," I say and he laughs a little which makes me flush immediately and move to leave, how could I have been so stupid? Of course he did not want friendship with me.

"Of course I will be your friend, your greatest friend, although I feel that I shall spend a lot of time making up for past mistakes but may I ask why you have not asked me to be your guardian here?" he asks and it is my turn to laugh and make a face.

"Apart from the fact that, that would be super weird considering we just kissed, I am twenty six years old and although you lot think that's young I have been an adult for far too long to need a guardian what I need is friendship, people I can trust that will help me when I need it," I say and he stares at me for a long while before grabbing hold of me and pulling a yelp of shock from me as he does so, he plants me on his lap and holds me close.

"I have spent so much of my time where you are concerned doing the wrong thing, thinking the wrong thing that I forget just how young and how, wise you are nessa er. I promise that I will do everything I can to earn back your trust," he whispers into my hair as he hugs me and I feel a blush rising on my cheeks again and clear my throat to try and come up with a distraction from my embarrassment.

"That's okay, we have both been in the wrong and knowing what is to come, you will have plenty of opportunity to earn that," I smirk and he laughs a little too.

"So what was the second condition for my forgiveness?" he asks now and I shift awkwardly for a second.

"I am scared of the way I feel for Legolas and I do not know how to deal with it, I do not want to love him or let him love me if it will lead to his death," I say and he sighs,

"That is a pain I know all too well," he responds,

"I know," I whisper.

"What do you need from me?"

"What do I do?" I ask turning to face him now and trying to convey all I feel on my face.

"I think that there is little to do to stop him feeling for you tarein, however let me think a while and before long we will work out what to do," he says and I smile before yawning, it was irritating how tired I still was, I really hoped that either this journey was longer than I remembered reading it was or that I would heal soon or I would be pretty useless when we face the warg's with their riders. "sleep Fin, you must rest to heal, I shall watch over you," he whispers and I nod as I bury my head in his neck and sigh contentedly.

When I awake the next morning I sit up to see Legolas staring at me with the strangest expression on his face but before I can ask him about it or say anything for that matter he is gone, riding ahead to check for danger and we are on our way again.


	13. Chapter 13

We have been riding for less than half a day when the cry of attack goes up and panic erupts around me.

"Fin," Aragorn bellows and I spin to see him flying towards me, "you must go to the fortress with Eowyn and the women and children," he says as he reaches me and panic shoots through my heart.

"NO!" I scream so loudly that several people around us stop in their own panic to stare.

"You must, you are not strong enough to fight," he growls and I can feel hot tears prickle in my eyes.

"But you don't understand I have to…"

"Is anything to happen that you must alter? Shall any of us die?" he asks urgently seeming to understand and I shake my head as I realise that I must let him go but the thought of him falling, even if it is only for a few days, is just as painful as when Gandalf was lost, more so even. I can feel the pain of it in my heart already and barely feel his lips connect with my forehead before he pushes me towards the stream of women and children and then he is gone. They are all gone and I am alone again.

By the time we reach the fortress of Helms Deep I am frantic with worry and the tension I can feel is thrumming through me. For the first time I feel what it is like for those character left waiting and I hate it! It may be scary, terrifying when you are in the midst of battle but this… waiting for hours, days, weeks not knowing what is happening if your loved ones are dead or alive, it is the worst thing I have ever experienced. Perhaps it is because I have never had anyone to truly care or worry about before, or perhaps it is because I feel like there are things that were left unsaid between Legolas and I before he disappeared into battle. I know that he should be here, that he should survive but would he? Had I changed too much by saving Boromir? Had I upset the balance and would they be the ones to pay the price? The thought of this makes my stomach churn and it is all I can do not to wretch and empty my stomach right there. The hours tick by and I am beginning to think I am going crazy, I will never be left behind again this is unbearable. Surely they should be back by now, I couldn't think straight, I tried and tried to think over the stories and films, to remember how long it took them to return but I couldn't and I hated it more than I can say. I think being shot with an arrow was an easier pain to bear than this one.

"They return," the shout awakens me and I sit up with bleary eyes, realising that I must have drifted into an uneasy sleep whilst waiting in the weapons room. I'm not sure why I chose there but I felt closer to them somehow when I was surrounded by swords and bows and axes.

"Where is Fin?" I hear the shout as I am making my way down the steps and my knees almost give way in relief as I hear Boromir's voice, he had survived then. The crowd parts then and I see Boromir standing with Legolas who looks, heartbroken, my eyes snap then to Eowyn as she makes a sound not unlike a sob and see her with Gimli and my legs do give way then. I knew it would happen. It was supposed to happen. Then why did it hurt this much? Maybe it was the uncertainty, the fear that he would never come back to us because I had changed too much or maybe it was the look in Legolas' eyes, the pain that I could not ease, that I had helped to cause.

"Finley," he is stiff almost business like as he approaches me and I am on my feet quickly backing away from him.

"I'm sorry," I whimper before I turn and flee. It is not that I don't want to be near him. The truth is I longed to be with him, to take comfort in his presence but I couldn't because I felt too guilty. I felt like if I had been there I could have avoided him falling, I could have found a way to warn of the approaching army without him being injured, without Legolas and the others being grieved so. The truth is I was still scared of getting too close to him, especially seeing the pain in his face at Aragorn's loss, I could not be the cause of pain for him, I could not cope with that.

It must be several hours before I see any of them, possible even as many as twenty-four, all I know is that night fell and past and now it is approaching mid-morning again. I have taken up a position on the battlements, watching for his return. Praying for his return. I feel him approach and come to a stop beside me more than see him, I know it is him, a sort of calm washes over me as it always does when he is near but I quickly shake it off I do not want to think about those things right now.

"You should sleep Finley," Legolas says after long minutes of silence and I painful sensation grips at my heart by the way he says my name.

"I can't I'll miss seeing him come back," I whisper not turning to look at him.

"He is gone Finley, I am sorry you have lost your lover so soon after choosing him but…" I make a funny choking sound as I spin to stare at him, feeling myself flush furiously at what he had said. It's strange, just days ago I felt strange around him, definitely fancied him and was seriously considering Aragorn as a prospect for my future and yet now the idea of it seemed absurd and slightly sordid, what the hell was wrong with me? Oh God what if the Valar had brought me here to be punished and I would almost fall in love with every man I met until they tried to kiss me and then we would immediately friend zone each other. No that's insane, maybe I did need to sleep my mind clearly was not that of a focused elf able to cope with sleep deprivation, more one of a mental woman whose brain was cooking up insane conspiracy theories involving God's.

"Aragorn and I are just friends," I say realising that I needed to give him an answer before he thought I had gone really mad.

"I saw you together Finley there is no need to try to spare my feelings," he sighs and I feel suddenly and inexplicably angry at him for making me feel guilty, for making this Aragorn's fault when I did not know if I had gotten him killed.

"What do you want to hear Legolas?" I hiss at him now rounding on him, my fists clenched in my sudden anger.

"The truth Finley, if you have an inkling of what that is," he growls back and the anger in his eyes nearly makes me step back as I note his own fists are clenched and sudden memories of my past flash before my eyes and for the first time since first meeting Aragorn I am genuinely afraid that somebody who was supposed to be on my side would hurt me and it just serves to make me angrier. All I had ever done since I got here was try to help these bloody people and they've treated me like shit!

"All I've ever done is tell you the truth you fuck! We kissed, realised it wasn't right and decided to remain as nothing more than friends but of course you wouldn't believe me because you never do, you push me around play with my feelings and treat me like shit and I've had enough! I can't deal with this right now so just fuck off and leave me alone!" I scream at him pushing him away and then standing there panting as he stares at me in shock before turning and walking away stiffly at which point my legs give out and I crash to the floor covering the ragged sobs erupting from my mouth with my forearm.

"You've done quite a number of our elf lassie," Gimli says as he approaches me on the battlements with Boromir close behind.

"I don't care," I whisper,

"I'm not sure that's true," he muses and I turn to him tiredly and watch with a little flinch as they recoil slightly at my appearance, I wasn't aware I looked that terrible.

"I must focus on watching for Aragorn to return," I say and they shake their heads a little.

"And if he doesn't? It has been three days," Boromir says now,

"He must," I reply simply,

"You said so yourself lassie, you changed things by saving Boromir here…" Gimli starts but I interrupt him quickly feeling the bile rise in my throat at the mere thought that I could have messed things up that badly.

"He has to, I cannot… if he doesn't then everything is lost," I say desperately before suddenly realising that I must ride out to find him it is the only way to be sure and it would mean that I wasn't being useless here waiting. How the hell did I get out though, they would never let me leave and they had to stay and await the army that was on its way here.

"Fin, you need some rest," Boromir says at last and I see my opportunity and so hesitate before feigning a sigh and a nod.

"You are right, there is an army on its way, a great one we must be prepared," I say quietly and for the first time they do not question me but rather seem to accept it and lead me down to a room where I bid them farewell before sitting and waiting. Knots and snakes and all manner of things are crawling around in my stomach causing an almost physical pain as I await darkness.

It is the sudden commotion outside that makes me sit up in a sudden panic. I fell asleep! How could I have fallen asleep? Guilt washes over me so suddenly I very nearly whimper out loud, I was literally the worst person ever, why the hell did the Valar choose me of all people to come here, all I had done was mess things up and be crap at fighting! I mean I was literally useless at everything, the only good thing I had done was save Boromir and now I feared that by doing that I had killed Aragorn.

"Fin, quickly, you must come," the voice is so urgent that panic fills me but there is something else in the tone that causes a tiny spark of hope to ignite in me for the first time in a long time.

"Coming," I yell back jumping up and then promptly sitting down again as dizziness rushes through me and I rub my hands across my face to try and make it go away. After a couple of minutes I attempt to get up again, more slowly this time and move towards the door, following the noise to find out what is going on and when I emerge onto the street my legs very nearly give way, that is happening far too often lately, a strangled cry escaping me as I throw myself into his arms. "Oh thank God," I gasp tears of relief pooling rapidly in my eyes.

"Surely you were not worried nessa er, you knew that…" he begins a half smile on his face as he pulls back to look at me.

"I was scared that I had changed things too much," I whisper and he frowns slightly,

"You look terrible nessa er, you must rest, you know what approaches?" he questions and I nod my head agreeing with him and answering him at the same time.

"What of Legolas?" he asks now and I shake my head,

"We fought, I cannot…" he sighs a little but nods his head in understanding as I trail off.

"Go now and rest while I inform the king, I shall come and wake you before the army reach us," he says kissing me on the forehead and I turn and walk back to my room in a daze.


	14. Chapter 14

**A bit of fluff for christmas because I'm not sure if I'll be able to update again before, although I will try my best to post another chapter tonight if I can. I just wanted to say thank you again for all of your kind words and helpful advice and as always if you have any suggestions or requests I am always waiting to hear them. There are always things changing and I love a twist or turn so pairings could change, stay the same be added to you never know! :)**

The knock on the door causes panic to flare in me immediately and I am by the door pulling it open so quickly I almost barrel straight into the person behind it. Stopping short I glance up and then feel all of the air exit my lungs very suddenly and am quite aware of that fact that I probably look a little like a goldfish gaping at him. A very red in the face goldfish who is slightly irritated at the cool composure he is exuding.

"I was wrong," he says in a whisper after a while and I stare at him still unable to respond, my lungs beginning to hurt from lack of oxygen. Eventually he uses his initiative to steer me into the room and close the door behind us, shutting out prying eyes or ears.

"Why are you here Legolas?" I ask after a few more moments of silence now that I have managed to get a hold on my essential bodily functions such as breathing.

"I have spoken to Aragorn," he begins and I laugh suddenly, standing again as more anger flashes through me.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, that you would trust what Aragorn says but nothing that I do?" I ask angrily, tears of hurt prickling in my eyes before I can stop them and so I turn away instead my hands wrapped around my middle as I try to unconsciously protect myself from further hurt.

"I have known him for many years and he has never given me reason to doubt him," he begins, his own voice with a hint of anger and hurt in it which makes me cringe inwardly, "you have changed everything, you make me feel things… you have said things, done things, you confuse me in a way I haven't been confused for nearly a thousand years," he finishes with a hint of frustration in his tone now which causes guilt to wash through me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper eventually and before I can draw breath he is in front of me.

"It is I who should apologise," he says now, his voice soft and gentle and I almost want to laugh at the absurd way we are bouncing between emotions and so instead just sit rather heavily on the bed.

"I have been so confused by what I was feeling, what was happening to me that I never stopped to think how it may be affecting you all," I say as I glance up at him looking away immediately as the look in his eye both frightens and excites me in equal measure.

"Why do you fear me so?" he asks as I flinch away from his touch slightly and I laugh a little at this although there is no humour in it.

"My past… I have not… now is not the time," I say eventually and he sighs a little too before sitting close by my side.

"You have not told me the truth of how bad your life was have you?" he asks and I shake my head, shuddering a little as the memories flitter through my mind.

"Like I said now is not the time, we have a battle to fight," I say instead.

"I am afraid it is one we shall not win," he murmurs and I look up at him in shock, I had known of course that he argued with Aragorn and doubted a little but he looks so despondent that it scares me.

"You must not say that we will win, we must win," I say urgently grabbing at his hands to try and make him see how much I meant it.  
"I would implore you to go to the caves," he says instead of really responding to my comments and I smile sadly at him.

"I cannot, you know I cannot, I must… I have things I must do," I say quietly and he sighs before his hands are suddenly holding my face and, just as with Aragorn only a few days before, I am barely able to comprehend what is happening before his lips are attached to mine and lights are sparkling and dancing before my eyes. For the first time in my life I feel the fireworks and explosions I had always heard about and it terrifies me. Pulling away from him I stand quickly backing away slightly and gasping for air, needing to put distance between us and at the same time hating the feeling of being away from him for even a moment.

"Why do you fear me so tarien?" he asks as he approaches me slowly and I am struck that he is treating me the same way he would treat an injured animal in the wild.

"Because this is wrong," I say and although I am trying to keep my voice strong I am ashamed at the slight waver I hear in it.

"What could possibly be wrong about something that feels so right?" he asks in bewilderment and I feel a sting in my heart at the thought that he had felt the same as I did when we kissed.

"Because you are an elf and a prince and I am no one, literally no one, I don't exist here, I am human and I am useless, I shall probably die before this war is over and I could not… I don't know what I am… what is happening to me," I stutter out in a rush and he is holding me in his arms before I can blink and I am helpless against sagging into his warmth and safety.

"War is an uncertain thing tarien, I believe that maybe we should worry about the future when one is certain," he whispers into my hair and I snuffle a little as I bury my head further into his chest.

"I am scared," I manage after a while and he holds me tighter,

"So am I tarien, let us face it together," he says and I pull away a tiny bit and study his face for a long time before deciding that life was shit enough and I was driving myself crazy trying to do everything the right way and I guess that I don't remember reading about Legolas having a lover in any official text so I can't be messing up the story too much. Besides maybe he is right and I should think about the right now for once and worry about the consequences of this when they inevitably came back to bite me in the arse so to speak and so, I nod a tiny nod and the answering smile that crosses his face makes me feel that I would die a thousand times to see that smile directed at me again because it is the most incredible and beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"What does it mean, tarien?" I ask again and before he can tell me it is not the time I continue, "we may not last this night out I want to know," I say and he smiles again,

"It means princess," he says and I feel myself blush furiously which makes him chuckle.

"Why?" I ask knowing that I wouldn't be able to manage more than one word and just hoping he would understand my question.

"Because I feel you have never been treated like one and should be, I have failed so far to this but will do so no longer, but also because I knew you were my princess from the moment I saw you," he answers before kissing me again and I forget to breathe again as emotion overwhelms me completely. This is just too surreal!  
"Come on then, we have a battle to win," I say eventually my voice sounding too loud to my own ears as I take his hand and try to ignore the sparks that seem to fly across my skin as I do so. I do not understand anything that is happening to me at the moment and hadn't done since I arrived really. What I did know though was that the feelings that were being evoked in me, and apparently Legolas, terrified me and I had a horrible feeling that not all had been revealed to me yet. As we walk hand in hand towards the battlements and where the elves are gathering, he had explained this to me on the way despite the fact that I already knew but I let him anyway so deep was I in thought because it is as he is speaking that I am reminded of Galadriel's words, I have power I am yet to discover, what the bloody hell does it all mean?

"Stay close to me tarien," Legolas whispers as we take our positions and I nod as I watch the swarm of black move towards us like a sea of death edging closer. I tune out what he is saying to Gimli, I know that little bit of banter far too well by now and I barely notice the rain as it begins to fall. Far too soon I hear the battle cry go up and my sword is being held before me in shaking hands, everything around me fuzzy, I really hated how fear dulled my senses so. I always thought that in times of great fear or danger your senses became sharper, mine seemed to be the opposite and became instead blurry and faded, which is not good news considering they were not brilliant to start with. They soon come flying back though when the first beast looms before me, fear ripping a startled scream from my throat before it crumples to the ground an arrow in its head and Legolas standing behind it, fear on his own face. I needed to sort myself out if either of us are going to survive this I realise and so gulping I nod at him quickly throwing myself into battle before I can think about it and talk myself out of it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Last chapter before Christmas, I tried to make it a slightly longer one to keep you going and I've tried to make it feel good and fluffy but I promise there will be more drama and angst to go before we reach the end. Think of it as me lulling you into a false sense of security. Anyway much love to you all and massive thanks again as always!**

The sheer scale of this battle is actually lost on me. It's quite funny really I knew it was terrifying, I knew we were against ten thousand of those disgusting beasts but it was impossible to thing about or see and so it funnelled down to tiny pockets of fighting. It was like looking through a microscope at something and focusing on only that, I did not have time to think about the size of what we faced because I could only concentrate on little pockets of fighting. It was easier that way mostly, I think, because if I thought about the reality I would give up and just lie down to die where I was.

It is not long before I lose sight of both Legolas and Gimli, I had yet to see Aragorn and I had also lost sight of Haldir, which is annoying because I was trying to save him as I did Boromir, speaking of whom, I haven't seen him either. Panic is beginning to build in me as I realise how desperately outnumbered I am, and out skilled when I hear Aragorn shouting and just about have time to think, oh shit, when I am thrown into the air and everything becomes silent and grainy.

I struggle to my feet and realise several things, I do that a lot, if only my brain let me figure one thing out at a time things might go a little more smoothly. Aragorn was a few feet to the left of me, unconscious it seemed, Haldir was above me to the right chopping efficiently through the enemy, Legolas and Gimli were trying to cut their way towards Aragorn and I and perhaps most worryingly, the Uruk Hai were pouring through the now gaping hole in the wall. Everything is still grainy and my head hurts and I can see people screaming and yelling but can hear nothing but a high-pitched whistle in my ears which is driving me crazy.

Suddenly everything stops. It is the strangest thing that has ever happened to me and that's saying something given the events of the last couple of months. I gaze around in bewilderment at the figures of everyone and thing around me, people part weay through falling or attacking, frozen in place, rocks still in the air and then Galadriel standing before me, that makes me scream out loud.

"Be calm child," he ethereal voice sounding so out of place in the midst of all this death and destruction that it is absurd.

"What is going on?" I manage in a strangled whisper,

"Look around you Finley, look at what you need to stop," she says gesturing with her arms and I want to be sick, bile rising in my throat as I gaze upon the wide staring eyes of the fallen, men and elves and children… gone. Their last moments ones filled with pain and despair and fear and it made me angry and scared and hurt all at once.

"What can I do to stop this?" I say, angry that she is expecting me to do what Aragorn and Legolas and even she could not.

"Focus your energy Finley, through your sword, move the things around you to destroy the enemy and you may save another life that should be lost tonight," she says her voice becoming barely audible by the end.

"BUT HOW…?" I scream but it is too late, she is gone and things are beginning to move again, seemingly unaware they had been frozen at all. I close my eyes and focus everything I have but nothing happens and so I scream out in frustration and as I do so I hear Legolas call my name and everything changes.

Energy suddenly pulses through me like lava, so hot and so quick it burns and makes me scream. My body is shaking and my sword I suddenly realise is glowing as are the rocks around me and so picking up my arm I throw it out towards the Uruk Hai and to my utter amazement the rocks follow, what the fuck is happening to me? I don't give myself much time to focus on that question though as the enemy aim their attention at me and away from Aragorn thank God and so I let out another yell and throw both arms towards them, hurling rocks and debris at them and killing as many as I can before I quickly aim one at the enemies attacking Haldir who has the good grace to look briefly grateful and surprised before he retreats with his soldiers. I have by now begun to build the wall back up making it harder for the Uruk's to get in and therefore giving our army, or what was left of it, time to escape back to the keep. I can feel my energy waning now though and something is dripping from my nose down my chest.

"Finley," the scream is so loud that I manage to hear it even over the pounding in my head and the energy that had been burning in my blood suddenly fades away and I am left boneless and empty, crumpling to the ground as things begin to fade away. I am briefly aware of Legolas appearing above me and I try to smile, but it hurts too much, everything hurts too much.

"Get her to the caves," someone is yelling and then I am gone.

As I float back down and into consciousness I am aware of feeling quite heavy but otherwise there is no pain and slowly my hearing comes back and I can hear people murmuring.

"What is wrong with her?" that's Aragorn's voice and it is full of concern which makes me feel a little guilty for worrying him after everything.

"Will she be well?" Legolas asks now and his voice is closer and as they become clearer my other senses come back to me and I feel someone's fingers wrapped around my own and I focus my attention on squeezing them slightly, relishing in the warmth they give me. "Tarien… can you hear me tarien? Can you open your eyes?" his voice is full of both joy and worry as I try and succeed in smiling a little as my eyes open and I look around the room I am in.

"Is it over?" I ask, "the battle is it over? Did we win?" I rasp out my voice a hoarse whisper and those around me break into smiles.

"Yes child we won the battle, although as you well know I should imagine the war is far from over," Gandalf says and I smile again.

"Oh good I was afraid I had changed things too much," I say before another thought enters my mind and glancing around and seeing two faces missing I sit up quickly despite the dizziness this causes and bite back the slight groan that tries to force its way out. "Where are Boromir and Haldir? Did they…? I tried so hard to save…" I trail off as panic fills me quickly and it isn't until I feel Legolas settle on the bed beside me his hand appearing on my back and offering me comfort.

"Be still nessa er, they are both safe thanks to you, as we all are, they are helping with the arrangements for moving the people back to Edoras," Aragorn says and I do relax a little until he speaks again, "what you did Fin… how did you?" he starts and I tense again a little despite myself.

"I don't know," I admit quietly looking at them imploringly and begging them with my eyes to believe me. "I was standing there and watching you all and then everything froze and Lady Galadriel was in front of me and telling me to focus and then I did and stuff started moving and when I thought, well, the rocks and stuff, they moved where I wanted them too," I say hearing the confusion in my own voice as I speak.

"Interesting," Gandalf ponders after a moment and we all look towards him.

"What is wrong with me?" I ask after another moments silence,

"There is nothing wrong with you child on the contrary the Valar seems to have blessed you with a most unusual gift upon your arrival, what that gift means for this war and your own future remains to be seen and alas I am yet to see any answers there but it has given us a great advantage," he muses.

"How has it given us an advantage? She cannot use it again in battle you see how it has hurt her so," Legolas cries out suddenly on his feet.

"Legolas you must see sense this is a gift that has been sent to us to help in this war, with training she will have better control," Gandalf argues and I see Legolas' fists clench slightly.

"And if there is not time enough to train her to a point where she has control?" I watch startled by the protectiveness Legolas is showing and notice that Aragorn too has positioned himself almost unconsciously in front of me.

"I can speak for myself you know," I say quietly in a slightly sarcastic tone, partly to relieve the tension building in the room and partly because it actually really did irritate me that they thought they could speak for me.

"And what would you say?" Gandalf asks and I spend a couple of minutes gazing around at all of them.

"I was sent here for a reason and I think maybe this is it, to help I mean. So far I have been useless, worse than useless most of the time but now I have the chance to actually do something," I pause and Legolas movers to speak so I interrupt him quickly. "That doesn't mean I'm not scared and it doesn't mean that I'll make unnecessary risks but I should at least try and maybe we should just wait and see what state I am in when the time comes to try using this… thing," I say and Gandalf smiles as does Aragorn, although his is a little more forced. Finally I turn to look at Legolas and he sighs before sinking back onto the bed in defeat which makes me grin, knowing that I have won this argument.

"We shall leave you to rest nessa er, we ride at first light and you need to be with us," Aragorn says now and I nod,

"What does it mean? Nessa er?" I ask as he reaches the door and he turns back grinning,

"Young one," he smirks ducking out of the room as a frown clouds my face.

"Why do you frown so tarien?" Legolas asks as I see we have been left alone in the room,

"I am not so young, and everyone seems to be treating me like a child," I grumble and he chuckles a little.

"You are young compared to us, how old are you?" he asks as almost an after-thought and it is my turn to laugh as I tell him and he looks almost scandalised that I am so young, I mean seriously most people my age were married with children, well okay not most but a lot of them were and all should have been working for quite some years and most were living away from home with friends, unless they have scum bag boyfriends who cheat on them and kick them out that is but anyway I digress.

"I have been an adult for many years in my world Legolas, more so than most I would expect, I had no choice with my… upbringing but even without that I would have reached adult hood nearly a full decade ago, which yes I know is not much in elf years but is more than enough in human years," I say and he seems at least a little mollified for the moment anyway.

For a while we sit in silence, him watching me as I stare at the ceiling and try desperately to ease the pounding in my head. Eventually as darkness begins to fall the pain subsides and I sigh as I feel more like myself for the first time since waking.

"Are you well tarien?" Legolas asks immediately and I smile a little as I turn to him,

"I'm fine, actually I feel a lot better," I say and he smiles as some of the tension seems to flow out of him and evaporate leaving the air between us cleaner and lighter than before.

"You should sleep, we have far to travel tomorrow," he whispers and I nod a little and he stands to leave and I feel suddenly lost and afraid.

"Please… don't go… stay with me," I say throwing caution to the wind and trailing off to an inaudible whisper by the end of my request but he smiles and sits back down immediately.

"Of course I'll stay tarien," he whispers and I feel suddenly awkward again as he sits in the chair watching me.

"But you need to sleep too," I say and he laughs,

"I do not need as much sleep as you but it is true I could use some rest I shall find it here in this chair just as well," he replies and I feel guilty now too, bloody great why can no man, or elf, or anything male make things easy.

"Why don't you share the bed with me, it is plenty big enough and would be more comfortable?" I suggest feeling myself flushing furiously as I say it and unable to make eye contact with him.

"I thought you were not ready for such contact," he says now, his voice low and serious as he moves to sit on the bed taking one of my hands in his as he does so.

"I… I'm not but, I thought maybe we could just I don't know hold each other. It's stupid I know but I feel calmer when you're around, I thought we may get some comfort from one another and rest more easily," I say in a rush pulling my hand away from his as I finish speaking humiliation creeping through me. Oh what an idiot could I have sounded any more ridiculous if I tried?

"Tarien," his voice is gentle but it's persistent as his hand once again finds mine his other reaching for my check and slowly pulling my face around to meet his so that I am forced to look him in the eye. "I know you are not yet ready to speak to me of all that has happened in your past but know that I will never do anything to make you uncomfortable, I will never push you into anything that you are not ready for but I would do anything for you," he whispers before leaning forward and capturing my lips in a sweet kiss full of promise and care and I'm pretty sure my heart explodes.

"I don't know if I am ready to say what I think you want me to but I do care about you a lot, I am just still confused about everything that is happening and I am still scared of hurting you," I whisper into his lips as we break apart and I feel more than hear his answering sigh.

"It is okay tarien, I have waited over a thousand years for you, I can wait a while longer," he says and my heart makes a strange little jump at the same time as my stomach twists at this admission.

"So you will stay here, in bed with me tonight?" I ask as a way to make the atmosphere at least a tiny bit less serious.

"Forever," he says laying down and pulling me down into his arms where he cradles me as if I was made of the most precious material there was, no chance of making the atmosphere lighter then I think to myself with a little half grin as I yawn and settle down, feeling the tiredness sweep back over me now that I am safe and warm and… happy! I was happy in the arms of a man, well, elf, for the first time. I felt safe and content in a way I never had before and I can feel a smile spreading across my face as I fall into a dreamless sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**Authors note: Okay guys, I am so sorry that it has been so long since I updated anything but I have been focusing on some other projects; fingers crossed I may have a publishing contract for my second novel eek! SO here is just a short one to say sorry and as it is Valentines Day I filled it with fluff too :) Enjoy xx**

The next morning I wake to the soft light of dawn reaching through the curtains towards me and I turn to find that I am still in the warm embrace of Legolas. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be held like this by someone and I am filled with a strange mix of fear, anxiety and hope as I remember all of my past relationships, how they had started like this and all too soon fallen apart and become violent and destructive and the hope that this could be something different, something better.

"What is wrong tarien?" Legolas asks as he shifts slightly so he is hoovering over me and I am still caught between his arms.

"Nothing…" I start but then seeing the look on his face I smile a little and shake my head not sure whether to be worried about the fact that he seemed to read me so easily. "I was just thinking, about my past, about… about how this feels different," I murmur and he leans down to kiss me gently.

"It is different melamin, I would never hurt you," he whispers into my lips and I nod.

"I know, I just… I am still scared, maybe it is me, what if all those times before it was my fault?"

"The way you have been treated is not your fault," he says vehemently and I giggle a little at his stern expression.

"You didn't even know me then how could you possibly know if it was my fault or not?" I reply and he moves slightly until he is sitting against the headboard and has pulled me into his lap.

"I know you now though and I know that it is never okay to treat a woman badly," he says simply pulling me into another scorching kiss before I can respond.

"Finley it is time to leave you must be ready… you too Legolas," Boromir calls through the door suddenly and I break from our kiss with a gasp and a fierce blush.

"Oh great," I cry burying my head in my hands suddenly and he shifts to pull me closer to him.

"What is wrong?" he asks sounding concerned which makes me want to laugh and cry all at once.

"Everyone is going to think…" I start trailing off as I try to explain myself without making even more of a fool of myself.

"Tarien, I think you underestimate the loyalty and protection of our fellowship, they will allow no one to question your honour," he says quietly and I simply stare at my hands for a while not answering you and he sighs heavily at this. "I know that trusting is difficult for you melamin but you need to learn to have faith in us, we have done little to deserve it thus far but know that we will never leave you or hurt you intentionally," he is breathing almost heavily, for an elf that is, by the time he has finished his speech and I make the decision to at least look like I believe him. I mean I do believe him but I need to make more of an effort to show it I think and so I look up at him and smile as convincingly as I can before leaning into him and kissing him softly.

"We should get ready," I whisper eventually and he nods slowly.

We get ready in silence and I can feel the apprehension building in me once again as he stands before me and helps to strap my weapons to me. My entire body feels stiff and tired despite the sleep I had had and I am forced to lean on Legolas more heavily than I would have liked to as we make our way to the others and the horses and I don't miss the concerned glances he keeps sending my way. I am quickly distracted however by the devastation that surrounded us. As we come to a stop and Legolas moves away slightly to talk to the others I stare around in horror. Everywhere, every surface, every person bore the marks of battle. The stench of death made my breath stutter and I had to force myself not to vomit. Blood stained the stone and closing my eyes did nothing to help as when I did all I could see were the wide, staring eyes of those I who had died and new sickness washed through me and this time I can't stop it and so staring around wildly, I rush to a secluded spot and promptly empty my stomach of water and bile. Thank the lord I had not had anything to eat.

"Tarien, what is it? Are you ill?" Legolas is there instantly and his hand rests warmly on my back as I stand upright shakily, my legs very nearly collapsing beneath me before he catches me firmly around the waist and manoeuvres me to sit on a piece of broken masonry.

"I'm sorry," I mutter eventually feeling humiliation creep over me and tears sting in my eyes.

"There is no shame in being affected by war and death tarien," he whispers as his fingers trace patterns across the skin on my hands.

"I have never seen you or Aragorn or Boromir throw up at the sight of it," I respond my cheeks still flaming.

"We have been fighting in such battles for many years melamin," he says in a heavy voice and I stare up at him getting caught in his eyes for a moment.

"Does it get easier?" I ask eventually and for a long moment he doesn't answer me, he merely stares at me, his fingers moving to dance across my cheeks for a moment before he finally nods.

"It does… but I wish that it would be the last time you would see such things," I smile at this and shake my head a tiny bit.

"Unfortunately I shall have to, I can only hope that there is time enough for me to train and become a better warrior before then," I reply and he shakes his head sadly pulling me towards him and placing a kiss on the side of my head.

"Come the others are waiting for us," he whispers into my hairline and I nod moving to stand and clutching at him as sickness washes over me again and I am forced to take a few deep breaths, clutching at him, trying to breath him in and not the stench of death around me.

"Sorry," I say again as his arm winds around my waist and he steers me slowly towards the company sitting astride their horses.

"Nessa er what is wrong?" Aragorn says jumping from his horse and moving towards me at the same time as Boromir does.

"You are so pale, Finley what is wrong?" Boromir asks, his own voice thick with worry and I try to smile at them both even as I feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment at appearing so weak.

"Is she fit to ride perhaps lady Finley should travel back to Edoras with the women and children," Theodan says and I tense even as I sense the three around me do the same.

"No, she must travel with us, she can rest while we travel, she will be fine," Gandalf responds and they all stare at me for a while as if doubtful of his words.

"Gandalf is right, I will be fine, I just need to rest a little," I say quietly and after another tense silence they seem to give in and Legolas leaps onto his horse while Aragorn picks me up as if I weigh nothing and settles me in front of him. Legolas pulls me closer to him and grabbing the reigns keeps one arm firmly wrapped around me.

"Rest your head against my shoulder and sleep tarien I will keep you safe," he whispers to me and I nod, closing my eyes partly because he has told me to and partly to block out the stares from everyone around us, as we begin our ride to Isenguard.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hey guys sorry its been so long, here's a nice little angsty chapter to keep you going and if you follow any of my other stories I am hoping to update them all soon, a couple will also be receiving re-writes. As usual thanks for the support and comments and keep them coming :)**

Three days later we finally approach the white tower of Isenguard and I am so shocked by the sight that I don't speak for a while, gazing around in wonder at the water flowing over the destroyed enemy land.

"Finley," the yell pulls me from my wondering and my face breaks into a hopeful smile for the first time in a long time as I see Pippin and Merry waving madly at me.

"Merry, Pippin, I was so worried about you," I squeal as I slip down from behind Legolas and embrace them tightly.

"We missed you so much," they both say and I smile as I embrace them again before a throat clearing distracts us from our reunion.

"The time for celebrating is later my friends, there is still much to do," Gandalf says and we nod silently and I find myself back behind Legolas as we wait for Saruman to show himself. I am once again distracted by the ents and am only drawn back to the conversation by Legolas tensing in front of me and expecting to hear the words I had heard hundreds of times before I am shocked to see him addressing me.

"The mortal from another world," he laughs derisively

"How…?" my voice is a whisper and I have no idea what I am saying but he cuts me off anyway.

"So pathetic, so desperate, you will find no more comfort in this world child, your path was always to be alone and you shall be again," he continues and I can feel both hurt and fear filling me.

"Be quiet Saruman," Gandalf commands but he just laughs waving it off.

"He doesn't know yet about her gifts but he will soon, I have seen it, he'll be coming for her soon," he replies and now the panic is all I feel I barely register the rest of the conversation, Legolas shooting Wormtongue and Saruman falling.

"I will not allow it," Legolas is muttering to me and I look up to see he has somehow manoeuvred me to be in front of him. "Look at me Tarien, what he said was not true, you shall never be alone," he says and I smile at the conviction in his voice despite the voice in the back of my head that is telling me I should let him go.

The ride back to Edoras is mostly silent as I pretend to sleep against Legolas' chest whilst in reality I begin to think things through. I had known all along that I shouldn't be involved with Legolas, that he was an elf and I was mortal and it could only end badly. Saruman was right I would be alone because I couldn't let him fade for me, I couldn't hold that sort of guilt. I would have to make him hate me but I had no idea how, he loved me, he had told me he did, how could I make him angry. I sigh as I realise I was going to have to hurt him and the rest of the fellowship in order to save him, save them all.

By evening my insides were roiling as I got ready to set my plan into motion, I sigh deeply as I move towards the banquet hall avoiding the gaze of Aragorn and pleased to see that Legolas is already involved in his drinking contest, I pick up a cup of wine and quickly gulp it down before reaching for another. I was going to need dutch courage for this, I move around the crowd feeling the wine take effect as my body sways to the music I can hear and I giggle as a soldier takes my hand and swings me around to dance. In a few moments I am surrounded by men dancing and laughing with them and I can feel his hard stare boring into me as I gulp down another cup of wine.

"Come with me," he says tensely as he grabs me roughly and pulls me from the building and out into the fresh air where he lets me go causing me to stumble a little before steadying myself by leaning against a wall. The wine in my system leaving suddenly as I look into his eyes and see the hurt and anger, almost bailing on my plan until I feel the pain his grip on my arm had caused and looking down I see the red marks there and am suddenly filled with my own anger.

"What do you think you're doing?" I say harshly standing up straighter.

"Me? What are you doing? Parading around with those men, you are mine Finley," he replies and white hot anger suddenly bursts through me.

"I was celebrating Legolas, am I not allowed to dance?"

"And the drinking? You are drunk," he accuses and I laugh at this, though there is little humour in it.

"You were having a drinking contest, suddenly I am not allowed to drink a cup of wine,"

"You were… you are… I am a prince I cannot have you…"  
"How dare you," I shout suddenly cutting him off as hurt now joins the anger, suddenly this argument was real and I hated it but I was no longer fighting to save him, I was fighting him because I hated him in this moment.  
"Finley," he starts stepping forward his hand outstretched as if he has realised what he has said and I flinch away from him crumbling in defeat as I sag against the wall, the fight gone from me just as suddenly as it had started.

"I can't do this Legolas," I say in a virtual whisper, knowing that he would hear me.

"Then let us forget it, let us go back in and…" but I hold up a hand to stop him.

"No," I start, "I can't do this," I repeat gesturing between the two of us and he freezes looking both lost and bewildered.

"Tarien, I love you, I promise…" he says hoarsely, as if unsure what he was trying to say but I shake my head.

"You promised you would never hurt me too, but you have," I cannot meet his eyes as I say this, it's not true, not really, but I had to do this,

"No. Tarien, I am sorry, we can get through this we…" but I cut him off again with a shake of my head, my eyes still downcast, desperately willing the tears not to fall.

"We are from different worlds Legolas, we are from different races, we can't… it just… I can't," I finish lamely as I walk away from him. I make it all the way to my room before I collapse and let the tears fall. I mean I hated that he had hurt me, that he made me feel guilty for that but mostly I hated myself. All I had done since coming here was cause pain. All I had wanted was a second chance and I had ruined everything and destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me. I wish I had let him continue to hate as he did when we first met.

I don't see the other members of the fellowship for the next few days, I know already what has happened and I know that Gandalf has left with Pippin but I can't bring myself to face any of them. That is until the knock on my door on the morning of the fifth day,

"Finley it's me, Aragorn," he says and I quietly get up and open the door turning away from him and moving to sit in the window once more. I hear him sigh as he moves towards me sitting beside me in silence for a while.

"It's time for us to leave and go to Gondor isn't it?" I ask after a while and his sigh tells me that I am right.

"Why are you doing this to yourself Finley, you love him, why push him away?" he asks and I lift my eyes to his and offer him a weak smile.

"It is for the best, he can be happy without me, I would only ruin everything good about him," I whisper and he sighs again.

"You know that is not true," he replies and I shake my head even as I feel the tears collecting in my eyes once more.

"There are more important things to worry about now, he is channelling his energy into training, into battle?" I ask and he nods, "good then he will not be distracted, I am not good for him, for any of you," I finish and before I can protest I am pulled into his strong arms.

"You know that is not true, we will fix this, you will fix this," he says almost sternly and I simply offer him a watery smile.

"I don't think I can and it doesn't matter now anyway, we have focus on Frodo," I say in a whisper and he sighs heavily again but doesn't push it any further, instead he simply helps me to get ready and then walks with me to the stables.

My entire body freezes as I see him and I can barely breathe, he looks… fine, outwardly at least he looks unchanged and unfazed but as he catches my eye I see the hurt and turmoil and I turn away before he can see that I still love him. He has to move on, he has to forget me. So, I mount my horse silently and ride ahead of them all trying to not look back as we make our way to the meeting point where I knew they would head for the Dimholt road.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys, so sorry it's been so long since I updated but I've been away in France and haven't had access to my computer or the internet :(, anyway I hope this is enough to keep you going for a little while and as usual let me know if you have any requests, queries or suggestions or you just want to leave a comment! Thanks for being amazing and enjoy!**

It is three days before we reach the place where we are to meet the other soldiers that have been called and gathered and in that time I had neither spoken to or seen the other members of the fellowship. I had cut myself off from Legolas and, in so doing, from the rest of them too. Although Aragorn offers me a smile of encouragement when he can as if attempting to get me to talk to Legolas but I merely shake my head and turn away. I am sitting alone by a small fire when I feel the presence beside me.

"They have gone then?" I ask as I look up to see a heartbroken Eowyn slumping beside me.

"Yes, you have not gone with them," she states and I shake my head.

"They would not want me, it is… it is complicated," I murmur and for a while we sit in silence before she turns to me.

"The elf, Legolas, he loves you and yet I have barely seen you look at him this journey," and I laugh a little although it is devoid of all humour.

"That too is complicated," I start before sighing heavily as I try to fight back the tears, "I was hoping to save him… I want him to live a full and happy life and he cannot do that with me, at least I don't think so, but now I am… I fear going into battle and dying before I can tell him I am sorry," I stutter suddenly realising that I had probably made a huge mistake in letting Saruman poison my mind so easily.

"I am sorry," she says and I offer her a weak smile,

"It does not matter now, let us prepare to fight," I say quietly and she soon leaves me alone again with my thoughts.

The morning dawns far too quickly and I am barely aware of what is going on around me as we march towards battle. All too soon we are cresting the hill and gazing at the death and destruction that surrounded Gondor's great white city, as we ride into battle though I am quickly separated from the others and the same old panic and fear fills me as I look around fro their faces, it takes me a while to realise that the faces I am looking for are not here and for a moment that thought paralyses me until a sword narrowly misses my arm and I am forced to focus. I fight for what seems like hours and yet somehow stay alive, whether it is by design or dumb luck I do not know but every enemy that has approached me so far has seemed inept or not really focused on killing me. A new and startling thought hits me at this realisation, what was it Saruman had said about Sauron finding out about me and wanting to use me? Could it be that they were trying to kidnap me rather than kill me? No. I shake this thought from my head as quickly as it enters it, partly because it is too frightening to even think about and partly because it seems absurd.

"Finley," the voice is strong through the fighting and I gaze around frantically until I spot the face of Eowyn and Merry and rush towards them but as I do so a great winged beast with a hulking figure riding it, the witch king, I realise, lands before them opening it's mouth to speak and at the same time something heavy connects with the back of my head and then all I know is darkness.

When I come to, I am aware of two things, first is that I hurt, everywhere, it is as though my very nerve endings are on fire. The second thing is that I am not where I should be. I do not recognise this place, from the books or the films, it is dark and the smell is enough to turn my stomach and I spend a few minutes desperately trying not to vomit everywhere. I am lying on… stone, I think, all I know is that it is bitingly cold and hard. My wrists and ankles hurt and after trying to move I come to the realisation that I am tied, tightly, too tightly, so tightly that I can barely feel my hands and feet and am sure that my wrists and ankles must be bleeding. A quick glance up through the pounding in my temples confirms that my wrists are indeed bleeding. Panic is filling me quickly and I cannot think of a single coherent thought about how to get out of here.

"It's awake," something snarls suddenly and my blood freezes, my head whipping around trying to see whoever had spoken,

"Tell the master," another says and I fight the urge to scream as a fiery pain fills me. It is then that I realise that Sauron has me and I wish I was dead because what faced me here was surely far worse.

"Witch, you will tell me how this war is set to end," a voice fills me and I shake my head and clench my teeth.

"I will never tell you anything," I manage to gasp out and his cruel laughter cuts through me.

"You think they would do the same for you? They do not care for you child why should you protect them?" I bite my tongue so hard I can feel blood fill my mouth as a fresh wave of pain pulses through me at the same time as he says this and silent tears make tracks down my face.

"It doesn't matter what you say, I will never betray them," I grit out and then he is gone and the torture starts.

I have no idea how long I have been here, all I know is that I can't remember a time before the pain anymore. Every moment I am awake and conscious there is pain, they have whipped me until I felt as if all the skin had been flayed from my back. They have cut me until the blood loss sends me into blissful unconsciousness and they have beaten me with fists and sticks and rocks.

As I drift back to consciousness this time I am aware of something different. There are no orc here, none guarding me, my restraints are only half completed and there is a screaming rumbling sound rocketing through the mountain. Oh my God, Frodo has done it, he's destroyed the ring and I must be in mount doom too! Somehow I pull myself up and release myself. Pulling myself from the slab I had spent the last, however long, tied to I collapse to the floor a scream of agony being ripped from me before I can stop it. Eventually, I have managed to drag myself through the network of tunnels and outside. falling once again to my knees, I am unable to get up and see little point in doing so as fresh pain and crippling fear fill me. You see I had clung to the hope that they would save me, that Legolas and the others would find me and help me. I had watched this mountain collapse so many times, watched Frodo and Sam rescued and never thought much of it but now! I could do nothing other than lay against the heated floor on my side, my back was so sore I daren't think about what it looked like. It is as I lay here that I think for the first time since being at Helms Deep about my power. I had been so afraid and then kept so weak that I had not been able to use it once, I had not helped win this war, I had failed them all. What good was the Valar sending me here with a gift if I did not have a chance to use it for any good?

"Finley," the voice sounds faint and I smile as I realise that I am dying and that in doing so I can at least hear the voices of my friends calling out to me and it is with this thought that I drift into blissful and comfortable darkness.

Third person POV

The battle field is deadly quiet as the ghost army are dismissed and Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn are reunited with Pippin and Gandalf, they begin moving through the field looking for survivors and with each passing minute the fear that Finley had not shown herself was growing.

"Perhaps she chose not to fight," Gimli offers although his tone is not convincing and neither Aragorn or Legolas can bring themselves to answer as they continue their frantic searching. A scream makes them all turn suddenly as they see Eomer collapsing to the ground and pulling the body of his sister Eowyn to him. At the sight Legolas' heart gives a painful lurch, there is no way Finley would have left Eowyn to fight and not been here herself he takes in a shuddering breath before beginning to move more quickly around the battlefield in his search for her.

It is some hours later when he and Gimli return unsuccessful, they had searched the entire battlefield twice, she was not there and whilst Gimli reassured him that at least she could not be dead as they did not find her body and perhaps it did mean that she didn't fight, Legolas knew that she would not have stayed behind and the idea of her missing frightened him more than he could say. The guilt he felt for the way he had spoken the way he had pushed her away was almost unbearable. Aragorn had spoken to him briefly when they were sailing here on the pirate boats and he now understood why she had tried to push him away and whilst he was a little angry at her for it the emotion he felt more strongly than anything still was guilt. He had claimed to love her, told her he would protect her and yet he had let her push him away without a fight. He was being selfish he knew that, he knew that what she had said was right, he too had thought about the idea of her ageing and him not it had worried him but he loved her they would find a way through that. Then he had thought of his father, how he would disapprove and how he would one day be king and he had allowed his arrogant selfish ways to return and it made his chest hurt to think about the look in her eyes when he had spoken to her. He was too pigheaded to listen, to see, had he really watched he would have seen her heartbreaking as she told him they could not be together, he would have seen the fact that she did not believe it, the fact that she was suffering to try and protect him. All she ever seemed to do was suffer to protect him, to protect all of them and once again he had allowed her to bear that suffering alone and had left her. He could kick himself for the way he had behaved, he hated himself for it and now… now, he felt sick at the thought of what may have happened to her.

Rounding the corner the expression on faces of Gandalf, Aragorn and Boromir is enough to make him suddenly grip the wall to keep him upright. They did not need to speak for him to know that his worst fears were being confirmed.

"Tell me," he manages to say stiffly and he looks away from the softening and pitying gazes now fixed on him from those standing around the room.

"Pippin awoke a few minutes ago," Aragorn starts breaking off as if unable to finish speaking himself and a new guilt washes over Legolas as he remembers how close he is to her, that at one time, not so long ago, although it felt like a lifetime, he had wanted her heart also. Boromir too was close to the girl, in fact Finley had deeply ingrained herself in the hearts of all of the fellowship, not that she understood or knew that.

"She has been taken by Sauron's servants, I believe she is being held at Mount Doom, we do not have much time, if they break her all is lost," Gandalf finishes and the sickness that pulses through him at this is so strong that it takes every fibre in his being to remain upright and to not empty his stomach. Only hundreds of years of training allow him to remain looking like a soldier but even then as he glances up he knows they see it. See his pain. His regret.

It is decided shortly after that they would ride out to provide a distraction, their only hope of saving Finley, if she is still alive, and of winning this war is to help Frodo, give him a chance to destroy the ring. Every step feels harder, every moment longer and it is terrifying until he suddenly realises that he is letting himself fade and he could not do that. Whatever happens he must be strong for her, afterwards, after this was over then he would have time to think but now he must concentrate on winning, on fighting, for her!

The battle is fierce but mercifully short, Legolas has barely even broken into his stride as he cuts through the enemy before the mountain rumbles and collapses and he freezes. Around him men are cheering and crying in joy and relief but he is frozen in shock and dismay as he watches the mountain crumble and explode. The emotions are so strong that he finds himself on his knees, barely able to comprehend that they had defeated Sauron and won the greatest war in Middle Earth's history but that he had lost Finley in the process. He can vaguely hear Merry and Pippin calling out Sam and Frodo'd names and he realises they also had been lost. The cry of the eagles forces him to glance up and as he does so he feels tears prickling in his eyes before he lowers his head again, jolting as a hand lands on his shoulder.

"Legolas, Gandalf has her, come we must be quick," Aragorn's voice says in a hoarse whisper.


	19. Chapter 19

**Just a super short one as an apology for not updating more often :) Please comment and review and let me know your thoughts and feelings! :)**

Third Person POV

It feels like it takes forever to reach Rivendell. Legolas had been alive nearly two thousand years and yet now he felt as if time was running out, moving too slowly for the first time and it was driving him insane. He galloped as hard as he could ahead of the others and reached the borders nearly a full day ahead of them and yet could not bring himself to see her. He faltered as he reached the room she was being healed in and then merely stood stiffly outside the door, waiting, but not entirely sure what he was waiting for.

"Ah Legolas, I had wondered where you were," Gandalf says softly as he steps out of the room some hours later and Legolas jerks his head up to meet the old wizards eyes.

"How…" he breaks off to swallow thickly, "how is she?" he finishes, his fists clenched unconsciously at his sides as he waits to hear the news.

"She was…" Gandalf too breaks off as a clattering sound to their left catches their attention and Gimli and Aragorn round the corner, he waits patiently for them all to be listening before he continues. "She was tortured, Elrond and I have done what we can, she is strong, it is a miracle that she has survived this long, I think that she will heal in time, physically at least," he finishes and all three of them sag a little in relief and despair, it was strange to feel relief that she is alive and yet fear and despair at the same time and none of them really knew what to say or do until a voice behind them echoes loudly around the silent hallway.

"She was right," Boromir says, having heard what Gandalf said, "she said she would never betray us even if she were taken, we scoffed at her for it and yet she was right," his voice is thick with tears and it makes the others shudder as they try to swallow their own emotions.

"Someone should be with her when she wakes," Gandalf says now and all of them look towards Legolas and he nods numbly stepping forward and through the doorway where he stops and takes a stuttering breath before turning and running. He is a blur as he speeds past the others and they look at one another in confusion before Boromir steps forwards into her room and Aragorn leaves to follow Legolas with Gimli.

Nearly an hour later the man and dwarf find him sitting under a tree at the edge of the Rivendell border.

"Legolas, my friend what troubles you so?" Aragorn asks in worry as he sits beside his distressed friend and Legolas turns tormented eyes on him.

"I cannot be there with her, it is too much, the guilt is too much to bear," he mutters and Gimli sighs loudly.

"She would not blame you for a second," he starts but Legolas interrupts him.

"You do not understand, I promised her I would never hurt her, never allow her to be hurt and I have done both, she pushed me away because of it and I must respect that,"

"She didn't mean it, you know that she didn't mean it, she loves you," Aragorn says immediately but Legolas merely shakes his head.

"Maybe she was right to do so and just stronger than me as usual, she is mortal and will die, this, her being this way, it is merely a reminder to me of how different we are, I am an elf and…" he breaks off and both Aragorn and Gimli are shocked to hear him speak this way.

"Laddie, there is no way… you love each other," Gimli starts but he is interrupted again.

"No Gimli, we were infatuated with one another, it is different she needs time to recover and we are to travel together once Aragorn has been crowned,"

"And what about when she is recovered?" Aragorn asks,

"She will live in Gondor, with her own kind where you will protect her and she will be happy," Legolas says almost as if he is convincing himself.

"You are wrong my friend and I just hope you work that out before it is too late," Aragorn sighs before standing up and moving away.

As Aragorn pushes his way through the door Boromir stirs a little and sits up in the chair beside her bed.

"I am sorry my friend I did not mean to wake you," Aragorn whispers and Boromir merely holds up a hand to him.

"I should not have fallen asleep anyway," he replies simply,

"How is she?" Aragorn asks now, turning his attention to the sleeping figure in the bed.

"She is alive," Boromir says back not knowing what else to say. It is true that to look at her is painful, she is lying on her front, her back covered in paste and bandages and even so there is still blood leaking through some of them. Every inch of her seemed to be injured in some way and it broke Aragorn's heart to see her this way, it broke all of their hearts. They should have protected her, from the beginning they had wronged her and misunderstood her and now they were scared she would never fully recover. Her breathing was shallow and raspy and it made his own breath catch in his lungs as he moves closer to the bed.

"Frodo awoke a few moments ago," he says and Boromir smiles at him, sighing in relief.

"Well that at least is some good news," he says shifting closer to her bed almost unconsciously.

"I have to leave in the morning, head back to Gondor to prepare for my coronation, although I will not let it take place until Finley is well enough to be there," Aragorn says pulling a chair up on the other side of her bed and sitting in it heavily.

"And Legolas?" Boromir asks causing Aragorn to sigh almost angrily.

"He… I do not know but I do not think he will be here to see her, he has convinced himself that not only is this his fault but that she was right to break it off with him and so he should keep the distance between them," Boromir growls a little at this shaking his head in frustration.

"I will stay with her and bring her to Gondor with me when she is well enough to travel," he says instead of commenting on Legolas' behaviour and Aragorn smiles gratefully at him.

"Thank you my friend, it means a great deal to know that you will be watching over her, I would not leave her at all but I have no choice, I would like for her to settle in Gondor where we shall both be, at least that way we can try and help her live a normal life," Aragorn says and then freezes as she shifts and begins to murmur in her sleep, a nightmare clearly gripping her, both men moving forward to try and still her.

"No… I won't… please… please don't… Legolas," the last word is a scream which soon turns to a moan of pain as she awakens and sits up quickly, ripping at the wounds that littered her body.

"Shhh, Finley, nessa er, be still, you are safe now," Aragorn murmurs to her as her eyes gaze around wildly until they settle on his face and then on Boromir's.

"It's over," she whispers hoarsely, allowing Boromir to help her drink a little water as she listens to Aragorn tell her that they had won the war, that everyone was safe.

"Where is Legolas?" she asks then and both men feel their hearts clench a little at the worry audible in her tone.

"He is safe Fin," Boromir says, "he is… arranging the transport of soldiers back to Gondor for the coronation," he lies to try and save her feelings but she sees through it quickly and her whole heart seems to shatter,

"It is okay, you do not need to lie for him, it's my fault, I broke it off. It is… it is for the best," she stutters falling quiet for a while as the two men watch her before changing the subject.

Outside the door, Legolas moves away down the corridor his whole body had seemed to lighten as she awoke, especially when he heard her call his name and he had nearly burst through the door to be with her so great had been the desire in him to comfort her. Something had stopped him though, his stubbornness, her words to him at Edoras, whatever it was had made him pause and now he found himself walking away from the room his body feeling heavier than ever. He was just tired from battle and the journey. Yes. That was it, she was right after all, he had said so himself it was merely an infatuation brought on by the circumstance of war and it would never work really. Of course he knew deep down that he was lying to himself and that he loved her with everything he had, but he buried that feeling, that knowledge and instead made towards his room to sleep before he begun the journey to gather the elves that will be at the coronation.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: It's been a while guys sorry, hope this is a chapter you will enjoy and leaving it on a cliff hanger of sorts, which will hopefully get you commenting and requesting things. Anyway like I always say reviews, constructive criticism etc are always welcome. :)**

Finley's POV

It had been nearly a month since I had first awoken and physically at least I seem to be doing pretty well. I am virtually healed, bar a few deep cuts that are still stitched and some bruising that is yet to fade. I have scars but not as many as were expected. In fact Gandalf told me that he would need to speak to me more about the rate at which I healed when I was back in Gondor which confused me. Mostly though I just feel lost and the old me is gone. I jump at everything, I wake screaming every night and panic attacks cripple me regularly. I know that Boromir is worried about me, he has hardly left my side and I know that Aragorn is worried too as he is pushing for Boromir to bring me to Gondor as soon as possible so that I am back close to him. I know that they're all worried about me, at least all of them except Legolas. The stupid thing is that I know he loves me, I know that he still cares and I know that he is staying away out of guilt and out of some misguided idea that it is for the best. I know that because I'm the one who made him think it and it was so wrong. The only problem now is that whilst a huge part of me thinks that the only thing that will ever make me feel whole again, feel normal again is him, at the same time I know I can never be with him because I am too damaged and broken. I was never right for him anyway, he is immortal and powerful, a prince and perfect and I am just a clumsy, damaged human. Now though I am a shell of a human, barely alive. I spend each waking moment simultaneously wanting to be close to him and never wanting to see him again because the thought of him seeing me this… broken, the thought of him rejecting me again is too much to bear.

"Finley," the voice startles me awake and I sit up groggily, wincing slightly as the movement pulls on some of my bruises.

"Sorry I must have fallen asleep," I whisper quietly as Boromir sits beside me,

"You have nothing to apologise for my little friend," he says back with a solemn smile, "we are to leave tomorrow for Gondor," he says after a moments pause and I smile at him. I had decided a while ago to pretend to be as okay as possible so as not to worry them.

"Thats good," I say and he simply puts an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side.

"You are a true and brave friend Finley, you saved my life and nearly lost your own and I have failed to protect you since. The thought of you suffering… being… I am so sorry I wasn't there to stop it happening to you but I vow to you that as long as I am alive and here I will look after you," he says so sincerely that I feel tears spring to my eyes.

"Boromir it is not your fault, do you want to know why I saved you at Amun Hen?" I ask and he looks at me quizzically for a while.

"Tell me," he says after a pause and for a moment I just examine his face as he watches me, I take in his sincerity and honesty, the loyalty and the integrity, everything about this man screamed hero, called out warrior and made me want to be honest with him.

"The fellowship," I begin, pausing to check I have his full attention, "you were the first people to ever care. I know we had our difficulties, our… misunderstandings but…" I break off again trying to work out how to put what I meant into words. "When you hurt me, you weren't yourself, you were being controlled and when you came back to yourself what is the first thing you did, do you remember?" I ask and he looks vaguely confused for a moment before comprehension dawns across his face.

"I was mortified, I apologised, I still cannot believe… I am still distraught that I did such a thing," he says his eyes downcast and I instinctively grab his hand making him look up and meet my eye.

"Exactly," I say quietly and as earnestly as possible, "you are the first person, the fellowship are the first people to ever apologise for hurting me, to not blame me for it," I say and he pulls me into his lap then, cradling me like a child as he rests his chin upon my head.

"You have suffered so much my little friend," he murmurs and I huff out a laugh at that.

"Not so very much really, I know of people who have had it far worse than I have besides, I have friends now don't I so it can't be all bad," I say and he laughs himself.

"You have more than just friends Finley, you have family here and we will do our best to see you don't have to suffer any longer," he replies sternly almost making me laugh and cry at the same time, resulting in a strange gurgling noise erupting from my throat which makes me flush crimson.

"I guess we should go pack then," I sigh after a moment more and he sighs too, tightening his grip on me for a second before releasing me and walking with me to my rooms.

The journey to Gondor and Minis Tirith is a peaceful one and throughout it I spend my time practising being okay. It sounds stupid really but before I came here, to Middle Earth, I had become very good at being 'fine', I mean it is easy to pretend to be alright when no one really cares the only problem now is that people did care. I had become accustomed to people caring here, of caring about people and I was finding it difficult to lock it away again. I just had to keep thinking about the fact that it was for the best, that I had done little to help the fellowship since arriving and if by pretending to fine even though I felt like I was already dead inside, if that helped to ease their hearts then at least I was doing some good.

"Fin, we are here look, just in time to get ready for the ceremony," Boromir says from beside me and I look up, forcing a smile onto my face as I do so.

"Good, I would hate to have missed Aragorn becoming king," I say quietly and he reaches over giving my hand a squeeze.

"All will be well now my little friend, we are home," he says and I smile again, I had to let him think that I was going to be happy here. I don't think I will ever be happy again.

Two hours later and I feel worse than ever. It's funny isn't it, physically I looked the best I had in months. I had been bathed and cleaned and dressed in a beautiful gown, at Boromir and Aragorn's assistance, despite the fact that I was yet to see Aragorn, he had apparently had it all set out for me ready for when I arrived. My hair had been cleaned and brushed and plaited beautifully and I even had some basic makeup type stuff on. Yes, physically I looked the best I had in a long, long time, mentally though. Mentally, I felt as though I needed to leave, the crowds, the noise, everything was making me increasingly nervous. I hated that, I hated that everything made me jump and flinch, that the dark scared me but so did the light. That every time… I hated everything and I hated them for not coming sooner, for caring as much as they did. Everything was confused, everything was muddled and all I wanted to do was cry and scream and be with Legolas and be away from him. It was driving me crazy and when I looked in the mirror I saw an empty, hollow shell of a person staring back through dead eyes.

"You look beautiful my friend," Boromir says from behind me and I plaster my fake smile on as I turn to face him.

"Thank you," I reply ducking my head as he takes my hand and rests in the crook of his arm.

"Come, it is time for us to see the king crowned and men become powerful again," he smiles and I nod and as we silently make our way to the outside I focus on breathing normally and not showing my panic.

"Be calm my child, no harm will come to you here," I look up startled as I see Gandalf appearing beside me and I just shake my head at him slightly.

"I know," I reply almost angrily, it's not like I didn't know that.

"Then breathe," he whispers and I very nearly growl this time,

"I'm trying," I mutter and he suddenly grips my arm almost painfully,

"Then try harder, do you not see how the rocks around you are shaking, your powers are out of control when you are out of control," he hisses and I gasp a little as I see that he is right. How had I not noticed before that my 'powers', as Gandalf called them, were out of control? I spend the next moments trying to focus on breathing in and out, so much so that I do not notice Gandalf leaving, I do not notice Aragorn being crowned, I do not notice the hush around me until Aragorn begins to sing. His low voice vibrating through me as he begins and I close my eyes again as I let his voice wash over me and calm my frazzled nerves. Tears begin to leak down my face before I can stop them and I open my eyes as I hear another gasp, wishing I hadn't as soon as I have. Legolas is standing in front of Aragorn, smiling at him and signalling behind him to a beautiful elf woman, for a second as he turns his eyes meet mine and I stop breathing. The pain and love and guilt and… I couldn't take it. Hurriedly I turn away and move as quickly as I can towards my room.

For the first few hours I think that someone will knock my door. That he would come and knock on my door, that anyone would. But they don't. No one does. I don't blame them of course, how could I. Aragorn was celebrating becoming king, he had Arwen back, he wouldn't come to see me, I know he cared for me but this was his life now, she was his life now. The hobbits were together again and Frodo and Sam had their own healing to do, they all did, we all did I guess. Boromir was home, at last, after all he had been through he was finally with his brother again despite the fact… knowing that he should not have survived to be here. He loved me like a child or older brother, I knew that but he too had a life here, a home here and I was not a priority and I wouldn't be not for a long time. And Legolas. He could not come to me, would not and it was my fault, I could not stand the pain I had brought him. he would travel with Gimli, as he was meant to do, that is what is right.

After two days of sitting alone in my room I have made my decision. I would leave. I would travel Middle Earth, find a home and try to fix myself. I almost smile as I pack my bag and strap my weapons to me before leaving the note I had written to the fellowship on the bed and slipping quietly out. I was quite proud of myself for making it all the way to the stables and saddling a horse before letting out a small yelp of fright battling to not pull my sword as a hand lands gently on my shoulder.

"Nessa er, what are you doing?" Aragorn is the picture of concern as I face him and it almost makes me cry for a second before I steal myself against it and square my shoulders slightly.

"I'm leaving," I say trying my best to keep my voice steady.

"And where do you plan on going exactly?" he asks as Boromir appears beside him looking stern and worried at the same time.

"I don't know, I was just going to travel around for a while," I mumble and they both chuckle slightly.

"Finley, you are just home why do you want to leave so soon?" Boromir says and I growl a little in frustration. I had explained all this in the letter, if only they had found that instead of me.

"I wrote a letter, read that, it explains it all," I say almost harshly, letting my defence put up barriers between us.

"Tell us now," Aragorn demands.

"Because I don't belong here," I almost scream and they both reel back slightly looking shocked.

"Nessa er, you belong with us," Aragorn tries to say gently and I very nearly start crying but instead I swallow thickly, sagging slightly against the side of the stall I was standing outside.

"No, I don't, at least not yet, not anymore, I just…" I trail off unwilling, or unable to say what I needed to.

"What do you mean?" Boromir pushes and I groan slightly turning away from them to make speaking easier.

"Every time I close my eyes… all I see, all I feel, everything… it's all wrong, it's darkness and pain and I need… I can't… I am so lost, more than I have ever been and I need to be away, I need to try and fix myself and I think… I know I cannot do that here," I sigh and I am grabbed roughly and pulled into a tight hug.

"I did not know," Aragorn murmurs into my hair and I chuckle mirthlessly,

"I hid it, I have spent my life hiding how I feel, it was… too easy," I whisper back and that only makes him tighten his hold on me.

"It is too dangerous to be out there alone, there are still enemies," Boromir tries now and I shake my head at him.

"I can fight, I have my weapons, training and my 'power' to use," I reply, sighing as I realise he would not relent.  
"And what of Legolas?" What is it with these men and not listening to reason when they hear it.

"He is better without me, I am… it doesn't matter he needs to… he is supposed to travel with Gimli, without me there he is free to do that," I reply, gritting my teeth against the pain that talking about him causes to blossom in my chest.

"Then I will travel with you, we shall leave in two days," Boromir exclaims and I nearly yell out loud this time.

"No. You cannot, I need to do this alone, I need to prove to myself that I am not… I am not broken," I cry out and before either of them can say anything another voice interrupts us all.

"She is right my friends," I could weep with relief as Gandalf says this although I feel Aragorn tighten his grip on me still further as he does so.

"Gandalf, it is still too dangerous out there," Boromir protests immediately but Gandalf merely holds up his hand to both men.

"What Finley has suffered," he pauses here to pull me from Aragorn's arms slightly and place his own hand on my shoulder, "it is more than perhaps even Frodo can imagine, she is more powerful than she realises, she will heal," he is looking to me as he is saying this, his words now directed to me more than them, "but you need to discover yourself first, you have been alone for a long time Finley, this time though you have a purpose I think even if you do not yet know it," he smiles as he finishes his cryptic little speech and releases me.

"Thank you," I whisper to him and he simply smiles.

"You will be well Finley, you need not fear you will return to us," and I get the feeling he means more than just physically.

"Please be safe nessa er, I could not bear it if anything were to happen to you," Aragorn murmurs into my hair as he once again holds me to him tightly and I feel the familiar tightening in my throat as I try to respond.

"I will, I promise, I'll miss you," I reply and he finally releases me to Boromir who holds me just as tightly.

"If you do not write to us at least once a month I shall mount a search to bring you home immediately," he says, his voice rough and I bury my head further into his chest for a second.

"I will be home, I promise, when I'm… I'll be back," I whisper and then I turn and mount my horse, moving away from them before they can stop me. Before I cannot leave for fear. Leaving them in the distance and moving out to the future.


	21. Chapter 21

It's been three months since I left Minis Tirith. Three months since I left everything I had come to know and love behind and I felt… awful, actually. I would love to tell you that I had been on a journey of great discovery and had healed myself and found a new strength within me. That I had resolved my issues and that all was well with the world but that would be a lie. Not to mention a little unrealistic, and yes okay so I know being thrown into an alternate universe, falling in love with an Elf prince, fighting evil that you had thought was impossible, discovering you have some weird telekinetic powers and being kidnapped and tortured by a giant eye and horrific creatures stretches the realms of realistic slightly but still, you get my drift.

I had spent some time in a village in Rohan, wanting to be amongst humans again, to try and feel normal without being treated differently because of my connection to Aragorn and Boromir. For a while it worked, I settled, sent my promised letter to Boromir saying that I was safe and for nearly four weeks lived happily and peacefully. Sure every night, my dreams were plagued with visions and horror that had me gasping for breath, a steady stream of tears making tracks down my sweaty face, and sure every time I saw anything that remotely reminded me of Legolas, which is apparently nearly everything, I would get a painful pang in my chest but all in all life was marginally better. No one knew me, no one watched me expecting me to break or fall apart. No one wanted anything from me and no one knew what I had been through, that on it's own was bliss. I settled into a routine of working with the villagers to earn my keep, eating well and keeping to myself, that was until the royal bloody guard turned up with my letter from Aragorn and Boromir and suddenly whispers were abound. By the next day everyone knew who I was and I was on my way, far away from prying eyes and ears.

It's happened twice since too and now I don't know what I am doing. I am riding aimlessly around the countryside, drifting to the east but having no set destination. After spending a week riding and sleeping on the ground and with winter approaching I am glad when I see a small village on the horizon and I sigh with relief as I approach it to see that it is a human settlement.

"Excuse me," I call out to a woman as I dismount and see her turn towards me looking almost frightened.  
"I'm sorry I cannot help you," she says hurriedly trying to move away as I quickly move to block her path in both frustration and bewilderment.

"I just need somewhere to rest for the night," I exclaim but she shakes her head in what seems to be fear almost and turning, practically sprinting away from me. I jump as doors suddenly begin slamming and locking, well that is… weird! The next few minutes I spend looking for someone to speak to but the whole village seems to have gone on lockdown, I guess I should move on then? Sighing heavily I pull myself up into the saddle again and urge my horse onwards. I was getting tired of travelling and yet for some reason I was being pulled in this direction and away from Gondor. Following it aimlessly seemed a strange thing to do, especially as a big part of me felt like I wanted to go home, back to Minis Tirith but I guess I was curious to find out what I would find. Although the bigger part might be the shame and embarrassment I felt at having walked away and left and yet not fixed myself at all.

Sighing heavily I almost growl as I shiver against the bitter wind that has suddenly picked up and begin to search for somewhere sheltered where I can bed down for the night. Nearly an hour later as the last rays of the sun are dipping below the horizon, painting the ground a myriad of oranges and purples and reds, I spot the edge of a forest and kick my horse to quicken our pace slightly. Reaching the first line of trees I dismount quickly and pull my horse further into the darkness, hoping to find somewhere dry to sleep amongst the thick foliage. I suppress the shudder that rolls through me as soon as the landscape behind disappears putting it down to nothing other than the cold of the night. I spend the next three hours wandering through the forest trying to work out where I was, the trees were thick and dark and there was a threatening feeling to it, perhaps I am in Fangorn forest, although I think I have come too far from Rohan to be there. Sighing once again I settle down against a tree, I am hopelessly lost and have no idea what to do, or whether it is even possible to be lost if you have nowhere to go. All I knew for sure was that I needed to find somewhere to settle for a little while so that I could write to Boromir and Aragorn before they sent out a search party or something. It is with this thought in my mind that I drift into an uneasy sleep, my cloak pulled tightly around me for warmth.

Sitting up suddenly, I gaze around in panic for a second before pushing my hair from my sweaty forehead. Another nightmare, suddenly though a movement catches my attention and I am alert again. There was something different this time, something didn't feel right, my nightmares never left me with such an uneasy feeling for this long after waking. I felt as though there was something or someone watching me and my breathing was beginning to get more rushed as I felt, for the first time since leaving Gondor, completely vulnerable and very, very isolated. Jumping up I reach for my horses reigns and begin to move as silently as possible through the trees, the problem being that I had no idea how to get out of this bloody forest now and I was beginning to feel a little nervous. Okay a lot nervous. Dawn must be breaking now although it is possible to see any light through the dense branches and leaves that hung above me, closing in on me and adding to the growing knot of tension within me.

Suddenly, a rustling and hissing to my left causes my horse to rear and bolt leaving me to uselessly yell after it before trying desperately to push down the panic that was quickly building in me before it had the chance to overwhelm me. Another loud hiss to my right forces a yelp from me and I turn, sprinting further into the darkness, my breath coming in short gasps as I feel branches tearing and grabbing at every tiny bit of bare skin. I crash through to a clearing of sorts and my breath rushes from my lungs completely as I see the webs hanging over everything, the giant legs descending before me and the fear is so real I feel physically sick for a second, throwing my arms up and trying to focus my energy on moving the giant spider that had appeared in front of me but nothing was happening. I had nothing to fight for. Nothing to live for… don't get me wrong, I was terrified, I didn't want to die but for some reason without seeing Legolas and Aragorn and the others in danger the power just wouldn't work, my energy wasn't there. A sudden pain rips through my shoulder and I am on the floor, my eyes heavy and just as my world begins to go hazy a thump sounds beside me and something that sounds like my name echoes through the air.

"Finley," there it is again, my eyes are closed now but I can hear it even through the pounding of my blood in my ears, "tarien please, please open your eyes," hang on a minute, that sounds like… with an almighty effort and an embarrassing whimper of pain I force my eyes open and gasp in shock to see his face hovering over mine.

"Legolas," I manage to say in a rasping gurgle before darkness consumes me and I feel myself fall limp in his arms.


	22. Chapter 22

As my awareness returns to me, I realise that I am in a bed, the most comfortable bed I had lain in since… well since I was recovering in Rivendell! As soon as I think of Rivendell I remember that I was in the forest, that I was attacked…

"Legolas," I sit up his name dying on my lips, replaced with a gasp as I see him suddenly standing in front of me, looking beautiful and solid and as calm as ever, that is until you looked into his eyes. His eyes showed his panic, his fear, his guilt all of it, so much that it was overwhelming and I wanted to look away but I couldn't. I don't think anything in the world could have made me look away in that moment.

"Finley," he murmurs in response moving almost awkwardly towards me.

"Where am I? What happened?" I ask, my voice still sounding breathless even to my own ears.

"You are in Mirkwood, my kingdom, you were attacked by the spiders in the wood," he replies, still formal and stiff and yet I can tell that he is yearning to be closer and my own body is yearning for it too so much so that I can barely resist it in my weakened state. Who am I kidding? I would be crazy to think that I could resist it, resist him in any way, especially when I was weak and vulnerable, that's why I had fought so hard to stay away from him.

"I'm sorry," I hear myself cry suddenly and am shocked that the words seem to have made their way out of me of their own volition but as soon as I utter the final syllable his own resolve crumbles and I am being held in his arms. Great wracking sobs are torn from my throat as his body moulds to mine so perfectly and his grip tightens. I had never before felt so… so… like I was coming home after the longest time away. Like I had been held in limbo and the pain was finally gone and the relief and comfort I felt was overwhelming.

It is a long time before I can compose myself and it is only when my own cries have reduced to sniffles that I become aware of the tears that wetted the back of my neck.

"I have hurt you so much and all I ever wanted was to make your life better," I say thickly after we had spent at least two hours sitting silently, my body held firmly against his.

"Tarien," he sighs but more tears escape me as I interrupt him,

"I don't deserve a name like that," I whisper and he suddenly pulls me around gently so that he can hold my chin between his thumb and forefinger and make me meet his eye.

"Your actions have only served to show just how much you deserve such a name Finley," he says firmly, "it is I who should appologise, I was weak… I knew that you were pushing me away in some misguided attempt to protect me, Estel had told me as much and I was going to convince you that you were wrong once I was less… angry but then you were…" he breaks off sighing and swallowing as if trying to shut away a painful memory and my fingers automatically reach for his hand, the one not holding my face, squeezing it gently to try and let him know that I understood and didn't blame him. "When they brought you back, you were so… I could barely stand to look at you and the guilt I felt was overwhelming, I let it rule me, I let it keep me away, convincing myself that it was for the best and it worked for a while. I left with Gimli and distracted myself as best I could until he could take my brooding no longer and decided to return to Gondor, I was drawn home. I don't know what led me here but for the first time in nearly a century I felt I needed to come home and as soon as I entered the forest I heard your screams, I think maybe I was brought here for a reason… to find you again tarien," he finishes in a whisper and I feel my own eyes widen slightly as I gaze up at him.

"Do you really think that we could… that we could be happy, together?" I ask, choosing to ignore the nagging little voice telling me that I was doing the wrong thing because it felt so right to be in his arms again that the the very thought of being apart from him again caused a shudder to roll down my spine.

"We have made it this far," he smiles and I try to smile back but it falters,

"I am scared Legolas," I admit quietly finally wrenching my eyes away from his and instead gazing down at where our hands are intwined.

"I know that I have let you down Finley but I promise I will spend an eternity making it up to you," I cringe slightly as he says it, I would not have an eternity and that is what scared me and yet he seemed not to think about it and so sighing I just bury my head in the crook of his neck.

"I am more worried about the fact that no one here will accept me, I have read of your father remember Legolas, he will not accept that you… that I am a mortal," I say in a whisper and he simply pulls me closer to him kissing the top of my head softly.

"He will learn to love you as much as I do tarien, we just need to give it time," he replies, "now rest, you must sleep to heal,"

"I must write to Boromir and Aragorn, they will send out search parties otherwise," I say with a yawn and I can almost feel him smiling.

"I have already sent word my love," he replies and I nod sleepily, feeling exhaustion wash over me as I settle down more peacefully than I had since I escaped from Sauron.

When I wake up the next morning I feel rested, for the first time in longer than I care to remember I did not feel tiredness deep in my bones. Instead I felt light and free as I roll over, my breath hitching slightly as I see Legolas' face inches from mine, his eyes closed, serenity in his expression and looking so perfect it was very nearly irritating, especially as I am sure I looked awful.

"You are staring tarien," he murmurs, his voice still thick and gravely with sleep and guilt washes through me as I realise that by pushing him away I had kept him from resting properly either.

"Sorry," I mutter feeling my face flush with embarrassment at being caught staring at him while I thought he was asleep.

"I would only mind if you were staring at someone else that way," he replies a hint of a smirk on his face and I push against his chest lightly a giggle escaping me despite the blush I can still feel staining my cheeks.

"It is strange don't you think?" I ask after a moment and he moves to lean on one elbow leaning over me,

"What is?" he asks and I frown a little as I try to work out how to word what I wanted to say to him.

"My whole life I have been alone, I have been lonely. No one ever really cared and the people that were supposed to care were the ones who hurt me the most and I thought that it would be easy to push you away and be alone again. It is only now that I am back here with you that I realise how truly painful being away from you has been and yet I am still scared because although when we are here together alone it is perfect I know people will not approve," I say and am quite proud of how eloquently that little speech has come out. For a long time he seems to stare at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"No matter what happens I shall never leave you, I shall never allow you to push me away again, I love you Finley, that is what is important nothing else," he says so vehemently that I don't really have it in me to argue and so instead give him a tiny, and not entirely convincing, smile and move to get dressed.

"Well I suppose we should face the music at some point," I mutter earning a strange look from him at my turn of phrase.

An hour later finds us both outside a huge set of foreboding doors as we wait to be sent in to see his father. Legolas is holding my hand and I think if he were mortal I would have broken it by now, so hard was I squeezing it in my panic.

"Legolas, my son, you have returned, news has reached me of your bravery and skill in battle," King Thandril says solemnly as he steps out of the shadows, not even glancing at me as he greets his son.

"Father," Legolas nods, letting go of my hand briefly in order to grasp shoulders with him.

"The guards say that you ran into some trouble with the spiders," he continues and Legolas nods stepping back slightly and grasping my hand in his once more.

"I did, Finley was attacked, I got there just in time," he says and Thandril's glance at me is so dismissive that I cringe inwardly.

"And what was a mortal doing in Mirkwood alone?" he asks and for a moment I am not sure who he is addressing but when Legolas looks to me I pray that my voice will remain steady as I answer him.

"I was travelling, I did not realise the wood I had taken refuge in was Mirkwood," I say and he almost laughs although the smile on his face is more malicious than pleasant.

"A mortal woman, travelling alone, you were not afraid of attack?" he says and Legolas takes a half step forward at this almost placing himself bodily in front of me.

"She is a fierce warrior, father and has been a valued member of the fellowship sent to destroy the ring," he says and I see Thandril tense immediately and I do too. Fear once again beginning to ebb into my system.

"Have your fun with the mortal but do not think that this…" he breaks off to gesture at our joined hands, "is a union that will be allowed in my kingdom,"

"I will marry her father," Legolas says and the anger that instantly fills the space is so consuming and deadly as it pulses from Thandril's being that I physically cower behind Legolas.

"You will be king with an elven lady by your side, this woman will be long gone," he roars.

"Then I will leave, I do not wish to live without her," Legolas shouts back, his composure shattered and by now I am standing directly behind Legolas, trying to hide as much of myself as possible and hating myself for it. Before I was taken I would have stood and at least tried to argue back but now all I can feel is fear as the memories begin to play out before my eyes.

"She is mortal, what future could you possibly hope to have with her?" Thandril is screaming now and the shaking begins to increase an energy suddenly pulsing through me as I try to back away from the confrontation. Everything is slowing down as the pounding in my head increases and I bring my hands up to cover my ears as I crouch on the floor.

"Finley… tarien, look at me my love, breathe," Legolas' voice breaks through the haze and I manage to focus on his face as he kneels before me.

"I'm… I… sorry," I gasp out, humiliation now joining the fear as I see Thandril's sneering face behind Legolas and several guards too now, all staring, all sneering at the poor little human girl.

"You see, what hope does a mortal like her have of being a part of our kingdom, she cannot even deal with a disagreement?" Legolas is on his feet so quickly that I almost yelp in pain as he has pulled me up with him, holding me tightly to his side with one arm.

"You know nothing of what she is capable of…" he starts but I cut him off before he can continue.

"Leave it Legolas, it is pointless, it will not change his opinion," I say with a sigh and feeling suddenly exhausted I simply turn to him slightly placing a hand on his chest, "let's just go… please," I plead and after a tense moment he glances at me and nods his head.

"Come Vanima, you are right," he says quietly and turns, leading me out of the room, and to what I assume are his living quarters in the palace, without a backward glance at his father.


	23. Chapter 23

For a long time we simply sit together in his rooms in complete silence, both mulling over what had happened.

"I'm sorry," I whisper after a while and he turns to me a frown on his face,

"What do you have to apologise for?" he asks and I can hear the concern in his voice.

"I was trying to be strong but since… I was weak and I made it worse," I say and he stands suddenly walking to the balcony his posture stiff and I feel suddenly anxious. Was he beginning to see his fathers point? Was he going to turn me away? Eventually I can stand the silence no longer and go to join him, standing beside him and staring out across the kingdom of Mirkwood, the bits we could see anyway.

"You are the bravest person I know tarien and the strongest, there are few that could have survived what you did with their sanity intact," he says quietly after a while and I sigh a little.

"I am not so sure sometimes that I have survived it," I reply, admitting for the first time what I was feeling.

"What do you mean?" he asks turning to me now and I glance at him briefly before looking back towards the city.

"I am afraid all the time, I cannot sleep, I cannot fight, I… I cannot use my… my power, it is like nothing works anymore because all I feel is fear and panic," I admit realising that tears are now steadily making tracks down my cheeks as I am pulled into his embrace, my face buried against his chest as he tries to soothe me.

"We will survive this together vanima, we shall get through this," he assures me between whispered words in elvish.

For the next few weeks I barely leave his rooms, I know that he has had several more discussions with his father and I know that he is being mocked and sneered at for his attachment to me, I can see it in his posture and face whenever he returns to the rooms and it breaks my heart but I do not know what to do. I wrote to Aragorn and Boromir again to let them know what was happening but have yet to receive a response and so I sit alone trying to work out what to do until he returns to me each day. It is strange because whilst I feel desperate and unhappy for Legolas, being with him again has made me feel infinitely stronger. Yet, I still felt afraid, I still felt weak in the presence of anyone other than him. It is as I am mulling over these feelings that I hear the door open and see Legolas standing before me.

"What is it?" I ask, immediately aware that there was something different about his posture this time.

"There is trouble on the borders, a new orc army has amassed and we think they are readying an attack," he says tightly and I am on my feet in a second.

"When do we ride out?" I ask and he avoids my gaze for a second before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I ride out within the hour, you must stay here," he says quietly and for a moment I can't respond, my mouth opening and closing in shock.

"But…" I manage eventually and he looks up now his hands grasping mine and I gulp at the intensity of the emotions battling for dominance in his eyes.

"It is not my decision to make tarien and I would be riding into battle more confident knowing you are safe," he says eventually and I want to argue. I want to scream and shout at him but looking into his eyes I know that I cannot. I had made him suffer enough and I now had the power to try and make him feel a little better and I so I swallow thickly and nod a tiny bit, gasping as he pulls me to him burying his head in my stomach as I stand between his legs my fingers shakily stroking through his beautiful hair.

It is past midnight and I am standing on the balcony of the room I had been living in with Legolas. The sound of the door opening and shutting makes me jump and spin to face the person, for one beautiful moment I think Legolas has returned and automatically step forward freezing as I recognise King Thandril standing before me.

"Miss Finley," he greets me with a nod and I try not to flinch at the coldness in his tone.

"Is Legolas okay?" I ask, immediately terrified he was here to tell me that something had gone wrong, realising the second after I have asked that the last person he would tell would be me.

"I have come to talk to you frankly," he says instead of answering my question and I nod my head choosing to stay silent. "There is no doubt of your beauty and my son informs me that you are a fearsome warrior, although I am yet to see any bravery from you," he sneers and I struggle to suppress the shudder that rolls through me. "But surely," he continues, "you see the folly of this? My son is a prince, he'll be King and he is immortal and you," he breaks off again as he looks my up and down, that cold sneer ever present on his perfect face. "You are a mortal, you will age and die,"

"I know," I manage in a hoarse whisper after a while,

"Then you know that if you truly loved him you would leave, you would let him find happiness with someone of his own kind," I shake my head a little at this.

"I tried that once already, he pulled me back," I say trying to keep my voice steady and not flinch when he laughs derisively.

"Let me put it this way young lady, you are not wanted here, you leave now while he is away and we will help him heal from his infatuation and you will be allowed to go in peace," with that he turns to leave and I sink onto the bed my head in my hands. I have never felt more alone than I do in this moment, even when I was being held in Mordor I knew they would come for me, but now I felt utterly alone and knew not what to do.

As I drift into an uncomfortable sleep my dreams are plagued with images of Legolas grieving, of me ageing and dying and him wasting and dying because of it. The whole of Middle Earth thrown into turmoil, fighting and war and… death! I sit up gasping for air, my breath rattling in my lungs and with a sudden clarity realise what I must do. I get up quickly and dress in my travelling clothes, strapping my sword to my side and bow and quiver to my back and, taking a deep breath move out of the room and begin to head out of Mirkwood, realising as I do so that it is already late in the afternoon, the sun would be setting soon and I pause briefly wondering whether I should wait until he morning rather than traveling through the night but turning my head slightly see that elves are gathering behind me already to watch me leave, King Thandril amongst them. Great.


	24. Chapter 24

"Look she's scared," I hear one elven lady say with a laugh as more join in,

"Pretending she's a warrior, pathetic,"

"What did the prince see in her,"

"Stupid, weak human," the comments make my face burn with humiliation and so steeling my resolve I begin to march slowly towards the thick trees. As soon as I am concealed from their gazes I stop and sink to the floor drawing in a shaky breath. I can't do this. I can't leave him. But I can't stay either, quite simply put I am screwed! Just as I draw another rattling breath the sound of metal clashing and screaming of orcs and elves and scrambling to my feet and rushing forward a few steps I see a great army of Orc's attacking the Mirkwood elves. How did they get here? Where were Legolas and the others? Okay, now I am screwed. Panic is running freely through my veins and just as I begin to feel like I have lost my mind everything stops around me and Galadriel appears before me just as she had at Helms Deep.

"You must calm yourself child," she says and I feel a sudden anger and complete despair rush through me.

"I cannot, I do not…" I start not knowing what I am saying or doing,

"Finley, stop!" she says so firmly I do and just stand there in shocked silence. "You have to get control of your fear you must not let it control you or all will be lost,"

"I don't understand," I say frowning in confusion.

"You dreamt of Middle Earth in despair, did you not?" she asks and I nod in dumbfounded silence, "It is a truth that will come to pass if you do not learn to control you fear and your power, if you leave now Legolas will perish along with all you hold dear," she says and a new shaking starts up inside of me.

"I am not strong enough," I whisper brokenly and she steps forward her hand gently grasping my chin and pulling my head up until I am forced to meet her eye.

"They are dying Finely, if you do not help Mirkwood will perish," she says gently and my breath catches in my lungs, fear for Legolas now the emotion overwhelming me.

"Legolas," I breath and she smiles gently,

"He is safe child, he is on his way back with the others in his party but unless you do something they will be too late,"

"What can I do? I have not the strength," I murmur and she shakes her head sadly.

"King Thandril long ago lost his humanity, you must remind him, they have not been welcoming but for Legolas you must save them, it is the right thing to do," she says and I sigh shakily.

"I don't think I can, without him," I say fear still threatening to overwhelm me.

"This is the last time I shall visit you my child but Gandalf will be here soon all will become clear, you must trust me now, you must find your strength and power," she says and then she is gone and I once again alone listening to the fighting.

Closing my eyes I take a couple of deep breaths and then pulling out my sword begin running before I can talk myself out of it. As I break through the tree line I block out the sounds and the scale of the battle instead concentrating on cutting down enemies as I make my way towards the king. Reaching him and elves surrounding them I try not to think about the expressions on their faces, choosing to turn my backs on them facing the approaching orcs and cutting them down before pausing slightly.

"Get back," I yell behind me before closing my eyes and concentrating as Galadriel had told me to. I feel the energy build inside me and begin to glow and when I know it is strong enough I open my eyes and letting out a scream draw up my arms allowing my brain to subconsciously direct movements, sending stray arrows into the skulls of the orcs, using their own weapons against them. I can feel my power waining after a few minutes but know that I have given the elves time to regroup and prepare, archers lining up behind me whilst the beasts' attention's have been on me. Just as my power disappears and I feel the familiar lightheadedness engulf me, feel the blood dripping from my nose I see an orc raise a bow and turning briefly to my left see Thandril and so with my last ounce of strength I step in front of him pushing him away from me as the orc's arrow finds it's home in my right shoulder. I don't have the energy to scream, not anymore, after all I had endured worse pain than this before, no, instead I simply sink to the floor as I let the exhaustion wash over me.

I seem to be there for a long time, drifting in and out of consciousness as I listen to the battle going on above me, sounding distant. Then another cry and suddenly everything sounds different.

"Finley, fin… tarien, can you hear me, open your eyes," to hear his voice is like being immersed in warm water as it washes over me and I smile as I open my eyes and stare up at him.

"Did it work, did you win?" I ask and he smiles back at me, although I can tell it is strained.

"Yes my love," he replies, before looking up and saying something in elvish, "I must move you, you need to get to the healing houses," he says urgently and I am aware that there is someone else there but I cannot make them out as things begin to become hazy.

"I have suffered far worse injuries than this Legolas you know that, just pull the arrow out and bandage it, I just need sleep and there are bound to be those in much more desperate need of help than I," I respond thickly and he moves to argue, "please," I add and he growls slightly before placing one hand on my shoulder and the other on the arrow, breathing deeply I nod and he pulls quickly a short gasp of pain the only sound that escapes me before blissful darkness begins to wash over me.

"Tarien, open your eyes, you must stay with me, you cannot leave me know," his voice is so desperate that it pulls me back from the darkness trying to claim me and I open my eyes once again although even his face is hazy now.

"I tried to save them… I tried to save… you father," I say and even to my own ears my voice is thick and my speech slurred and his grip tightens on me as he yells something in elvish.

"You saved them all my love, but now you must stay strong just a little longer," he is muttering and I nod to him and feel myself slip from consciousness even as I feel him lift me.


	25. Chapter 25

"She is braver than I had imagined I was wrong about that," I hear a voice say, although I still do not have the strength to open my eyes. I'm not sure how long it has been like this, but I know that it has been a day or more.

"You were wrong about everything," Legolas' voice is weary as he speaks and I want so desperately to open my eyes and comfort him.

"I was not wrong about her being mortal, she will perish Legolas, you cannot hope for happiness with her," I still cannot open my eyes but I can feel Legolas' frustration and the rush of air as he moves to stand and then another voice interrupts them both.

"Be calm Legolas," that is Gandalf's voice, Galadriel had said he would be coming but I had not thought it would be so soon.

"Gandalf," Thandril greets, tension audible in his voice. "There is more to the child than any of us could have known," he says now and a slight huff is all the sound I can hear from the king in response.

"What do you mean?" Legolas asks the wizard as his hand once again finds mine,

"You know yourself that for a long time we had wondered how she healed so quickly from her wounds and no mortal could have survived what she did in Mordor," the old man says calmly.

"But she is mortal," Thandril says although there is question in his voice also.

"No, I am not yet certain what she is, I will have to work that out with her once she awakens but she is not mortal, no mortal could survive what she has, nor wield the power she does,"

"When did you know?" Legolas asks now and I feel his fingers gripping mine more tightly as he does so.

"When she awoke at Helm's Deep after demonstrating her powers for the first time and spoke of the Lady Galadriel appearing to her," he explains and Legolas' grip on my hand is almost painful now.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asks,

"I did not know for sure, I still don't know what it means but I think she may now have a better idea of who she is although I doubt she understands it," and even though I cannot see him I can almost imagine the smile on his face as I hear him move to sit down.

"It matters not," Thandril says stubbornly and I hear Gandalf snort derisively at this.

"It is true then you really have lost all humanity that was remaining, as soon as she is well we will be travelling back to Gondor, Legolas too, you will live to regret your decisions today king Thandril, let us hope you make things right before it is too late," the old man says sternly and I do not hear the response as sleep once again claims me.

It is dark when I finally come back to myself and for the first time since I was taken to Mordor I don't awaken in a cold sweat, the images of my nightmares playing out before my eyes. Instead I sigh a little as I shift in my bed, turning my head as I sense movement and smile as I see Legolas beside me.

"Oh thank the Valar," he murmurs as he moves closer to me, laying beside me on the bed and pulling me gently into his arms.

"Hello," I whisper to him and he just holds me more tightly, "where is Gandalf?" I ask after a pause and he moves his head slightly to look at me, "I could hear you talking," I explain and it takes me a while to realise why this makes him tense and as I do I reach up a hand to his face, wincing slightly as it pulls on the wound in my shoulder. "It will be okay Legolas, it is as you said, we must just give him time and besides we have each other don't we? Nothing could be wrong if we are together could it?" I say suddenly apprehensive that he has changed his mind.

"Of course we do," he sighs after a moment leaning forward slightly to press his lips to mine.

"I love you," I whisper to him when we separate and the joy on his face as I say those words makes my heart do a funny little flip inside my chest.

"I love you too and we will work this all out," he promises, his voice full of sincerity as he holds my face gently in his hands. A knock on the door interrupts us as we sit up and Legolas calls out for them to come in and I smile as I see Gandalf shuffling through the door.

"It is good to see you awake child," he smiles and I beam back at him, gesturing for him to take a seat.

"I guess we have a lot to talk about," I say after we have all sat in silence for a while and he nods a more serious air suddenly descending on us.

"We do," he says gravely and I sigh a little as Legolas settles down beside me,

"What do you need to know?" I ask apprehension filling me despite my want to find out what is going on with me.

"I need to know everything about how you came to be here to start with," he replies and I take a breath not really understanding it but trusting him nonetheless.

"There isn't much to say really," I start, "It was a rainy morning and I was walking to work, daydreaming about a better life, a life here in Middle Earth because I had always escaped here in my dreams when life got to be too much. I was just crossing the road when I was hit, I felt my body lifted into the air, I felt the pain, I felt myself landing but when I woke up I was here," I finish looking up at them both. Legolas is holding my hand tightly in his own and Gandalf is looking seriously at me.

"And your gifts?" he asks now,

"I don't know," I reply honestly, "I was never able to do anything like that before, when Galadriel first spoke to me she said I had strength I did not know of and then… well you know what happened at Helms Deep and when I was in the forest here she appeared again she said that it was the last time I would see her, she said that I must find my power but I think… I think it is linked to Legolas and to the other members of the fellowship," I say confusion colouring my words and for a long time we sit in silence.

"May I check something?" Gandalf asks eventually and I nod, flinching slightly as he approaches me and pulls down my blankets to examine my ankle. "This marking," he says and Legolas lets out a strange sound and I look between them both in utter bewilderment.

"It's just a birthmark," I say almost laughing, "I've had it all my life, my mum used to say it was a sign from the devil that I was evil," I add, shuddering slightly at the memories as I gaze down at the small star shape marked on my right ankle.

"It is a mark from the Valar," Legolas murmurs eventually before sprinting out of the room leaving me in complete shock. For a long time Gandalf and I sit in silence as I try to work out what is going on, where the hell Legolas had sprinted off to?

"How can it be a mark from the Valar if they do not exist where I am from?" I ask quietly after a while but before he can answer Legolas is back with a book, it is written in elvish so I cannot understand what it says but I ask in shock as he lays it in front of me and I see a picture of a woman who looks terrifyingly like me, right down to the birthmark except for the fact that she had pointed ears. "What… I… what does it mean?" I ask in a strangled whisper.

"I am right aren't I?" Legolas asks Gandalf and I am surprised to note a desperate hope on his face. What the hell is going on?

"I believe it is," Gandalf smiles and the relief that I feel flood through Legolas just serves to confuse me all the more.

"Could somebody tell me what is going on here?" I ask in irritation,

"There is a prophecy Finley," Gandalf says and I gesture for him to continue, impatient to find out what is going on. "It speaks of an elleth who was sent away during the last age to another world where she would be safe until the day that she was brought back to help save Middle Earth from destruction," I can feel my face slacken in shock as I realise what they are saying.

"This is her," I say quietly pointing to the picture in the book and they both nod, "but that's not me," I laugh suddenly unable to comprehend what they are trying to say.

"You are the image of her Finley, right down to the mark the Valar gave you so that you would be recognised when you returned," Gandalf says calmly.

"But I am human, I don't have pointed ears, I'm not graceful or elf like," I explain and he chuckles which only serves to infuriate me further.

"Tell me, how does it feel when you are parted from Legolas?" he asks now and I stop short for a moment flushing at his question.

"Like I have been ripped apart and am only half alive," I respond in a whisper, wincing when I feel Legolas once again grip my fingers.

"Exactly," Gandalf exclaims as if that cleared up everything.

"Exactly what?" I say in frustration trying to ignore the smirk he sends my way and barely able to look at Legolas.

"When Elve's fall in love they bond in a way beyond that of mortal's when they are apart it causes physical pain," he says and I duck my head, of course I had known that, it was why I had pushed Legolas away, I didn't want him to hurt because of me but the knowledge that I had done so anyway tore at my heart a little.

"I'm sorry," I whisper glancing at Legolas and he smiles gently at me merely leaning forward to press a kiss to my temple. "But it still doesn't explain the fact that I don't have any other elf qualities," I say and Gandalf is quiet for a time.

"No. I believe that you were disguised to keep you hidden, what I do not yet know is how you have remained hidden without knowing it for as long as you have or why when you returned you haven't gained back your original features," he says standing suddenly.

"So… you're saying that… I… I really am an elf, somehow?" I ask barely able to believe what I am being told and he nods solemnly.

"I am, we leave for Gondor in the morning you should both rest, there are still many unanswered questions," he says before leaving.

"Tarien?" Legolas asks softly after we have sat in silence for a while, and I turn to gaze up at him.

"I'm… we really can… forever?" I ask and he nods, that brilliant smile once again lighting up his face and I smile in reply to him.

"Yes," he whispers as he captures my lips in a breathtaking kiss before we settle down to sleep. The only problem is that questions still plagued me, could any of it be true? If it was true why did I not have pointed ears? Why was I not skilled at… well anything? Why, if the prophecy said I was going to save Middle Earth, had Frodo been the one to save it not me? Why had I dreamt of more war and destruction? Why had a new orc army attacked Mirkwood? And if all of this was true, who were my parents? With these thoughts whirring around in my mind sleep was a long time coming as I lay in Legolas' arms listening to him breathing softly.


	26. Chapter 26

We are up and on our way at dawn the next day and I am a little disappointed that my whole, saving Mirkwood stunt had not changed their minds about me, they were still wary and dismissive and I sigh as I realise that it was things like this that made me realise this place was real. I mean, I guess if I had arrived here and fitted in perfectly and had everyone falling all over themselves to protect me and be close to me then I would have been questioning whether I was in a coma or something because it would seem far too dreamlike.

For days we ride barely pausing to rest and although I know that something is worrying them, that our pace is too quick and it is as if we are trying to outrun an enemy of some kind but I am too afraid to ask and so I simply ride along in silence, taking comfort in the fact that Legolas was with me and there was a chance, one that they both seemed to believe anyway, that I was immortal too and could live happily with him.

"We shall rest here for a time, we should reach Minis Tirith by night fall if we do not linger," Gandalf says suddenly and before I have time to register what he has said I am being pulled from the saddle and into Legolas' arms.

"Are you well Tarien? You are awfully quiet?" he murmurs, his fingers tracing the features of my face as he continues to hold me close.

"Why are we riding so fast? Are we running from something?" I ask quietly and he sighs a little glancing towards Gandalf who answers before Legolas gets the chance to.

"We ride quickly, my little friend, because I am eager to find answers as to your heritage, besides are you not eager to see Boromir and Aragorn again?" he asks trying to change the subject.

"Of course I am, they are… they are my family," I finish quietly suddenly feeling a pang in my chest as I think of them. I really did miss them, Aragorn was my best friend, and despite our rocky start I loved him dearly. Although if I'm honest I'm a little nervous about being around Arwen considering the kiss we had shared. God, that felt like a lifetime ago now and Boromir, he had been more like a father to me than the one I had been born too. Or had I been born to him? If I was an elf then there was a chance that I had a father, a different one, still alive, did I want to know who it was?

"We shall be back with them soon, where we can make a home together," Legolas whispers and I look up startled.

"What about your home? What about Mirkwood?" I ask in shock and he simply smiles gently at me tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips hovering over the rounded shape of my ear for a second, causing more doubt to flare in me and for a second I see it in his eyes too before the determination returns. He refuses to believe that I am anything but elf and it terrified me beyond words that he may be proven wrong.

"Until my father accepts how wrong he has been about you, until my people see you for the princess you are it is not my home. I am home when I am with you my love, wherever that may be," he whispers and I duck my head so that he will not see the tears welling in my eyes at his words. Stupid, perfect elf.

The sun is just beginning to disappear over the horizon when I finally spot the white city, broken and damaged as it is but still beautiful.

"Home," I whisper, realising perhaps for the first time that I really did have a home here, that I didn't have to leave.

"Yes my love, we're home," Legolas says reaching across his horse to squeeze my fingers in his.

"Come on then," I smile kicking my horse into a sudden gallop and laughing as I hear them both behind me. By the time we reach the gates my heart is in my throat and tears are burning in my eyes as I hear Boromir yell my name.

"Boromir," I exclaim as I am pulled down into his arms and held almost too tightly but I don't want him to let go.

"I've missed you my little friend, I had not realised how accustomed I had come to your company until it was taken away," he mutters into my hair and I just grip him tighter, burying my face in his chest and crying.

"I missed you too," I gulp eventually and he laughs as he pulls away wiping the tears from my eyes with the pads of his thumbs.

"Finley," I turn to see Aragorn striding towards me a smile on his face and another sob forces its way from my throat as I leap away from Boromir and into his waiting arms.

"I'm so sorry I left," I whisper and he holds me to his chest even more tightly,

"You have nothing to apologise for Fin, we understood, we just wanted you to get better, to be happy again," he says quietly and I can sense him looking over to where I know Legolas and Gandalf have made an appearance.

"You travelled with her?" Boromir is asking and as I turn slightly to see him facing Legolas and Gandalf, tension in his posture and I quickly move to stand in front of him. He had not quite forgiven Legolas for not staying with me after I was rescued from mount doom and it was evident by the way he was staring at the elf.

"Boromir, it's okay, I promise," I say quietly and after a moment he looks down at me and smiles slightly.

"Come, let us go somewhere more comfortable where we may discuss things," Gandalf says now and we are quickly hustled down several corridors and into a large sitting room type place, with several chairs and a roaring fire which makes me feel suddenly exhausted as I sink down onto the rug in front of it.

"Tarien, are you well?" Legolas asks me in a whisper, concern audible in his voice as he crouches in front of me his fingers reaching for my face automatically and I smile a little as I lean into his touch.

"I'm fine, just a little tired that's all," I reply and he smiles as he moves to sit in a chair behind me, manoeuvring so that I could lean against his legs, one of his hands remaining buried in my hair and making me want to almost purr.

For a moment no one speaks as we settle down and a couple of servants pass around drinks and then there is a minute of calm silence as we all relish the warmth and take stock of one another.

"I see you have made things right with Finley," Boromir states after a while and I can feel myself flushing as I avert my gaze, even as I hear them all chuckling.

"I intend to make right any wrong doings I have committed and we shall spend an eternity together," Legolas says quietly and I sense the shift in atmosphere as he says this.

"Gandalf?" Aragorn says in the form of a question and for a long time there is silence again.

"There is much to tell and more still to discover yet," he says eventually, and I look up now sensing that Gandalf was looking at me. "Tell them what has happened Finley," he prompts and I glare at him for a moment at being made to be the one to tell the story but realising that he wasn't going to give in I sigh.

"After the battle…" I begin but Gandalf coughs suddenly just as Boromir and Aragorn also interrupt me.

"Battle? What battle?" Aragorn exclaims looking worried,

"You never wrote of a battle, neither of you did," Boromir growls at the same time and I turn to Gandalf for help even as Legolas' fingers attempt to soothe away my worry despite not offering any words to help dissipate the sudden tension.

"All in good time, from the beginning please Finley," Gandalf says quietly and I huff a frustrated sigh before staring back into the flames of the fire as I figure out what to say.

"After the last time I wrote whilst travelling I somehow found myself drawn in a certain direction, I had no idea where I was going and I was frustrated that I wasn't feeling any better. I so badly wanted to find my way back to myself but nothing was working, I was scared all the time and I missed you all so much but was too ashamed to come home because I hated myself. I hated my fear and… I was more lost than ever," I mumble unable to look at any of them as I admit this for the first time and suddenly I felt the need to tell them how I felt all of it for the first time. "You see, I was… when I woke up and I realised I had been caught, I was so very afraid that they had caught you too, that I couldn't be there with you and then the pain started and it was never ending. I don't know how long it lasted but it felt to me like years and I know that they wanted me to hate you, they wanted me to be so scared and hurt that I'd tell them anything but I wouldn't. And I feel so guilty because I did start to hate you, all of you. I wanted you to rescue me and you didn't come, I thought I would die there alone, like I had always been, everything that my parents had told me, that those… things told me was true, I was unwanted, unloved and after I came back. After I got rescued those feelings wouldn't go away, that fear, it wouldn't leave me and I felt like I was suffocating," I shudder a little as I break off, feeling as if my entire body was suddenly lighter somehow.

For a long time none of them say anything and I wipe at the tears that are steadily falling down my face quietly as I let them process what I have said, as I process it.

"Why did you never say anything?" Aragorn asks quietly, moving to kneel in front of me and I look up at him and blush slightly as I see the hurt in his eyes.

"I… I didn't know how," I whisper, gasping as I am pulled suddenly into his arms, where he holds me tightly for a long moment.

"You may not be my family by blood Finley but I would be honoured if you would be my sister, stand by my side as my family," he murmurs and I smile a watery smile at him not getting the chance to say anything before I am pulled away and into Boromir's arms instead.

"My little friend," he murmurs, his own voice thick with tears, "you have spoken little of your past and your family and I, as we all do, sense that there is a lot more to be said but you have spoken of the fact that you had little in the way of a father to speak of, I would be honoured if you might allow me to fill that role," I choke on a sob as he finishes and spend a few moments gaping at the two of them. This is what I had always dreamed of, this is the reality that I had always hoped for. The love of these men, all in different capacities and all protecting me, I had spent so many years imagining this and then so many months accepting that it would never happen once I got here that it is all a little overwhelming.

"Yes, yes all very heartwarming but if we could continue for the hour is late and I would rest before I start my research tomorrow," Gandalf interrupts which makes me huff out a laugh as I pull away from the two Gondorian's and settle down once more by Legolas' legs his hand once again finding it's resting place against my head, fingers playing with strands of my hair.

"Well," I begin again, "I drifted for a long while until I found myself in an unfamiliar forest, my horse bolted and I was attacked by the spiders but my power wouldn't work but Legolas found me just in time. We… we reconciled but his father wouldn't approve and so we were waiting to come back but Legolas was sent away to fight a pack of orc on the borders," I pause as I feel Legolas tense slightly behind me as I speak and turn slightly towards him. "Legolas' father came to see me the next night, he told me to leave, he said that if I left straight away that I wouldn't be hurt or punished and so like a coward I did. I packed my bags and left but I had only just got our of sight when I started doubting my decision and then Galadriel appeared before me again, she said it was the last time she would see me. She told me to fight, the army of orc were attacking the king and his people, and so I did. I went back out and my power was working again and I fought and got shot by an arrow, again and when I woke up Gandalf was there and he and Legolas began talking about things and well, they basically think I'm some ancient elf that is part of a prophecy," I finish in a rush feeling a blush rise on my cheeks as Legolas leans down to grasp my hand. I hadn't told him yet about his father telling me to leave and I know he is upset by it so I turn and bury my face against his thigh holding his hand tightly in my own.

"Prophecy?" the two men ask in bewilderment, and I sense Gandalf nodding rather than see it.

"Aye, you have both heard talk of the ellith Laurenil who was sent away at the end of the second age to another land. The prophecy that states her return will bring an end to the evil on Middle Earth and a time of great peace and prosperity?" the two men nod as I look up too and then turn to stare at me forcing me to turn away from them.

"You mean our little Finley?" Boromir asks in amazement,

"I believe so but there is still much I need to figure out and now I must rest so I bid you all a farewell," the old wizard says as he gets to his feet and moves out of the room.

"I will go and get our room ready my love, wait here with Aragorn and Boromir," Legolas says a moment later pressing a kiss to my temple and moving quickly from the room too, leaving the three of us in silence.

"What is wrong Fin?" Aragorn asks after a moment of silence,

"What makes you think there is something wrong?" I ask automatically and he laughs as he moves so that he is in front of me once again, pulling my face around to his so I cannot avoid his eye.

"I know you, better than you think I do, so tell us, what is wrong?" he insists quietly and I am embarrassed by the tears welling once again in my eyes.

"They are so sure that I am this elf, Legolas is so sure, so determined to believe that I am an elf, that I am like him, that we will have forever but I am scared that I am not. I am not elf like in anyway. Surely if I was an elf I would look like them, have traits that they do but I don't and I am so scared that it will turn out that I am just plain old boring me and he will perish because I will grow old and I cannot bear the thought of that," I admit. I really am getting a lot of my chest this evening. I think I have talked more about my feelings tonight than I had in years, certainly since getting here.

"Fin, my little friend, whatever happens you are so much more than ordinary and spending all of your time worrying about these things will not make things easier for you, enjoy the time you have, whether that is a year or a millennia," Boromir says and I smile at him, tears once again escaping as I hug him.

"I really did miss you guys so much and I'm glad I'm home," I say quietly earning two massive smiles and a kiss on the head from each of them.


End file.
